Ecclesiastes 7:2
It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart.
These is how Matt Chandler ponders upon the realities at hand; recently being diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor, of which the surgeons were unable to fully remove. Chemo and radiation start after the first of the year. Matt presses on as he believes that there is still more that the Lord desires for him to do as a pastor, teacher, husband, and father. See his video update here.
I am thankful for you Matt and I pray that someday I could serve the Lord like you!
Curling up with a Matt Chandler podcast is a moment of sanity and learning in an otherwise dry and desolate place. Post graduate school, I find that I need stimulation — especially because I don't get it at work. I love to learn, and more so, I desire to be more like Jesus. Not all the time, I must confess, but enough that when I do desire it, I sit and listen and learn! This man has helped shape me in ways I wish I could express. I am thankful and I pray that I can be used likewise in my life.
And it's quarter-life crisis time, again.
This time for real. I have both a Bachelor's and a Master's, I work at a call center, and I wonder when is the time that I'll get to actually live life and do something. This, of course, neglects the fact that I am doing just that right now, except that I'm assuming that right now doesn't count and that it's a waste until later. That's of course not true but this is what it seems like. I am one of many smart, educated, and talented young professionals trapped in dead-end jobs waiting for the job market to catch up with the labor market.
I'm learning to be okay with it but honestly, I wonder now why I majored in what I majored in and how I'll ever be able to get a job in it when the markets free up a bit. By then, there will be tons of fresh bodies out of school. I think about what education I'll get next to separate me from the pack. I think about what I've got to do to make it work — "just hold on, if I just do one more thing I can make it all work out..."
There I go again, placing faith in education and not God. Certainly education is good and encouraged by the church and the Bible but there's a narrow line that gets trounced all the time. Simply, one's worth is NOT dependent upon one's job, and second, one's education (and education leveraged by lots and lots of loan money) will NOT guarantee a job. I wish I knew this earlier and if I did, I probably would have tried harder to get a job out of undergraduate school or majored in something I had a 100% likelihood of getting a job with.
Maybe it is in this time that I need to more seriously consider church planting and theological education. Not because I need something more to help me get a job but because maybe without such a perfect storm, I'd never stop to ask "is this the career I wanted all along?" Certainly God could choose to let me know about such a call without such crazy things as a recession and the like, I don't want to imply that circumstances alone bring me to this conclusion. More than circumstances, I desire (a lot of the time) to be a pastor and a church planter, to be used by the Lord to help grow and disciple his Church. I pray that I have opportunities to do this, and Lord willing, that I could do this as my job.
I will rejoice no matter the outcome of this season, but knowing that he's in control and desires something good for me helps me to have hope. He has provided thus far, just what I've needed and my prayer is that he'll bring me all the way through his plan and eventually call me home. If I remain a poor man who dies at an early age and lives a life that Glorifies him, I will be happy. Lord, please show me how to live a life that Glorifies you, help me best fulfill your plans and purposes for my life.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
An Ambition for Hell?
I'm taking some time to digest. I just finished watching the movie There Will Be Blood and have found it quite disturbing. Why? Because perhaps I identify more with Daniel Plainview that I'd like to admit. Like Plainview, I have an appetite to be an ambitious man.
Perhaps a measure of ambition is a quality of all men. In some it is extinguished when they lose faith in their ability to do anything useful — or in other words they believe they are failures. Still others may cease trying because they know that their ambition has or could become a God, leading them to abandon or disregard their responsibilities. Knowing this, still a few more indulge their ambition and go for it no matter the cost, as shown by Plainview's example in the film.
As someone who has a measure of ambition, and perhaps some hopes and dreams, how can one pursue such ambitions without allowing one's life and faith to be hi-jacked and from turning into a Daniel Plainview?
Bringing it home, I realize that the moments where I turn toward and press into the Lord are usually the moments right after I realize that I have failed again. When I realize I have failed at holding to the Lord's standard or, more regularly, failed at being "successful" in pursuing my own desires (and realize how inferior they are to the Lord and all that he longs to offer to me). I must praise Jesus that I am not more "successful" (by worldly standards) for success is seemingly an indicator that you are doing something right. I praise Jesus for Grace for I am not "succeeding," whatever that means, by the Lord's standard.
And again, I get bored and start to once again pursue something else to hold my time, suit my fancy. This past week it was adding some really cool plug-ins to SimCity 4 and starting to build a new region. Slightly fun but ultimately frustrating and more so an udder waste of time and worship.
Less trivial, I have been working on some projects between phone calls at work. In short, an analysis of where the missing opportunities are for incorporating simple technology into new and old homes to make them more energy and resource efficient. A noble goal and something that I find quite interesting. Somewhere in my mind I believe that I could be successful at integrating these technologies and seeing homes built that embrace them. Other than desiring to be an entrepreneur who wears jeans, gets my hands dirty, and works from my home or a workshop, I really desire no fame or adoration. I'm not planning my life-time achievement award or anything. I am so conflicted because the things that matter like pressing in to Jesus and seeing his will done through loving, serving, and carrying my cross seem to pale in comparison to the more futile desires of succeeding in games or at other "noble pursuits."
A few years back, I was at a Breathe Festival and while praying, I heard a small voice saying that he wanted me to get rid of my computer, camera, and basically all of my technology equipment. Not wanting to accept that it was from the Lord and not believing that it was necessary to follow through, I chose not to. Though I can't be certain that this was the Lord or that I have really made an error here, the wisdom has become clearer. Every morning I wake up and bow down to the computer idol, getting email, news and weather from the internet. I could be praying and thanking God that I am alive and well, able to do his work for hopefully another day. No, I am busy with my own vain pursuits. I could say there are worse pursuits but such distinctions don't really matter in God's economy.
The point here is simple, God needs to be first and I need to leave it all to him. If something good happens, it is by his grace. If nothing "good" from my perspective seems to happen, so be it for I will be in my Father's house soon enough and the troubles of this world will be behind me.
And back to ambitions, are these bad or good, and are they mine or given to me from him? I think some would think that we need to look at what the ambitions are, and what we are sacrificing in order to pursue them. Some may be tempted to try to parse out a grid-work of what are good and bad ambitions or goals. I'll try to make it as simple as possible:
We should make it our ambition to love Jesus and follow his instruction, both commandments in the Word and what we hear from him in prayer. Everything else is secondary, period.
For any ambitions that remain, they must be secondary to this first ambition and this first ambition leads to one place and that's to the cross where we come and die every day for the rest of our lives. This is a tough word but it is a wonderful word. I don't have to do it, I don't have to succeed to make it. All I need to do is submit to his leading and direction and allow him to do what he is going to do.
And does this mean that we abandon our ambitions and goals? If the Lord says abandon these desires, then yes, release and repent of these distractions and additions. On the contrary, if the Lord has given us these ambitions and desires for us to healthily pursue in a way that is within his Will and desires for our lives and the lives of those around us, then pursue them as he allows. Pursue in prayer, with all our minds and with the strength of our hands. It is important to keep placing these things at the feet of the cross and continually ask, Lord, do you (still) want me to pursue this to which you have called me to strive and persevere for? Brothers and sisters, be faithful, let this be your act of worship!
The Lord will provide for me. I pray that I will get to be an entrepreneur and have the joy of being able to work with my hands and see the fruits of my labor. Whether that's through my job, or with my dreams, my family, my friends, or perhaps never in any practical or apparent way, I will forever praise the name of the Lord because he is worthy and my life is his, it was bought by the blood of Jesus and I place my hope in him and not some flimsy and worthless ambition. These things will all wilt, die, and eventually burn. What remains is the Word, the Truth, the Trinity, and millions of souls exclaiming Worthy is the Lamb of God! There will always be work to be done here but it should never come at the expense of our faith, our worship, and our love for all and most especially those who by the divine plan of God were meant to intersect with our lives.
Matthew 6
19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
22"The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. 23But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
24"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Perhaps a measure of ambition is a quality of all men. In some it is extinguished when they lose faith in their ability to do anything useful — or in other words they believe they are failures. Still others may cease trying because they know that their ambition has or could become a God, leading them to abandon or disregard their responsibilities. Knowing this, still a few more indulge their ambition and go for it no matter the cost, as shown by Plainview's example in the film.
As someone who has a measure of ambition, and perhaps some hopes and dreams, how can one pursue such ambitions without allowing one's life and faith to be hi-jacked and from turning into a Daniel Plainview?
Bringing it home, I realize that the moments where I turn toward and press into the Lord are usually the moments right after I realize that I have failed again. When I realize I have failed at holding to the Lord's standard or, more regularly, failed at being "successful" in pursuing my own desires (and realize how inferior they are to the Lord and all that he longs to offer to me). I must praise Jesus that I am not more "successful" (by worldly standards) for success is seemingly an indicator that you are doing something right. I praise Jesus for Grace for I am not "succeeding," whatever that means, by the Lord's standard.
And again, I get bored and start to once again pursue something else to hold my time, suit my fancy. This past week it was adding some really cool plug-ins to SimCity 4 and starting to build a new region. Slightly fun but ultimately frustrating and more so an udder waste of time and worship.
Less trivial, I have been working on some projects between phone calls at work. In short, an analysis of where the missing opportunities are for incorporating simple technology into new and old homes to make them more energy and resource efficient. A noble goal and something that I find quite interesting. Somewhere in my mind I believe that I could be successful at integrating these technologies and seeing homes built that embrace them. Other than desiring to be an entrepreneur who wears jeans, gets my hands dirty, and works from my home or a workshop, I really desire no fame or adoration. I'm not planning my life-time achievement award or anything. I am so conflicted because the things that matter like pressing in to Jesus and seeing his will done through loving, serving, and carrying my cross seem to pale in comparison to the more futile desires of succeeding in games or at other "noble pursuits."
A few years back, I was at a Breathe Festival and while praying, I heard a small voice saying that he wanted me to get rid of my computer, camera, and basically all of my technology equipment. Not wanting to accept that it was from the Lord and not believing that it was necessary to follow through, I chose not to. Though I can't be certain that this was the Lord or that I have really made an error here, the wisdom has become clearer. Every morning I wake up and bow down to the computer idol, getting email, news and weather from the internet. I could be praying and thanking God that I am alive and well, able to do his work for hopefully another day. No, I am busy with my own vain pursuits. I could say there are worse pursuits but such distinctions don't really matter in God's economy.
The point here is simple, God needs to be first and I need to leave it all to him. If something good happens, it is by his grace. If nothing "good" from my perspective seems to happen, so be it for I will be in my Father's house soon enough and the troubles of this world will be behind me.
And back to ambitions, are these bad or good, and are they mine or given to me from him? I think some would think that we need to look at what the ambitions are, and what we are sacrificing in order to pursue them. Some may be tempted to try to parse out a grid-work of what are good and bad ambitions or goals. I'll try to make it as simple as possible:
We should make it our ambition to love Jesus and follow his instruction, both commandments in the Word and what we hear from him in prayer. Everything else is secondary, period.
For any ambitions that remain, they must be secondary to this first ambition and this first ambition leads to one place and that's to the cross where we come and die every day for the rest of our lives. This is a tough word but it is a wonderful word. I don't have to do it, I don't have to succeed to make it. All I need to do is submit to his leading and direction and allow him to do what he is going to do.
And does this mean that we abandon our ambitions and goals? If the Lord says abandon these desires, then yes, release and repent of these distractions and additions. On the contrary, if the Lord has given us these ambitions and desires for us to healthily pursue in a way that is within his Will and desires for our lives and the lives of those around us, then pursue them as he allows. Pursue in prayer, with all our minds and with the strength of our hands. It is important to keep placing these things at the feet of the cross and continually ask, Lord, do you (still) want me to pursue this to which you have called me to strive and persevere for? Brothers and sisters, be faithful, let this be your act of worship!
The Lord will provide for me. I pray that I will get to be an entrepreneur and have the joy of being able to work with my hands and see the fruits of my labor. Whether that's through my job, or with my dreams, my family, my friends, or perhaps never in any practical or apparent way, I will forever praise the name of the Lord because he is worthy and my life is his, it was bought by the blood of Jesus and I place my hope in him and not some flimsy and worthless ambition. These things will all wilt, die, and eventually burn. What remains is the Word, the Truth, the Trinity, and millions of souls exclaiming Worthy is the Lamb of God! There will always be work to be done here but it should never come at the expense of our faith, our worship, and our love for all and most especially those who by the divine plan of God were meant to intersect with our lives.
Matthew 6
19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
22"The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. 23But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
24"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Corgan Christmas
Billy Corgan's newest Christmas Song
I heard it while on hold at work... what's going on with this world? Something good, yeah!
Anyway, things are going okay. It's getting colder, wet-er, and windy-er. That's right, winter is upon us and soon there will be snow, lots of beautiful, mind-altering, joy-filled snow!!! I can't wait for the snow! I love it, oh I love it.
Beyond the weather, I'm pushing along. Being poor (by American standards) isn't all that bad. I bet there will be some tight spots soon but it isn't all that bad. So far things are working with the little income I have and hopefully I'll get some more to help me pay down my debt. If you know of job leads, send them my way!
ttyl,
eric
I heard it while on hold at work... what's going on with this world? Something good, yeah!
Anyway, things are going okay. It's getting colder, wet-er, and windy-er. That's right, winter is upon us and soon there will be snow, lots of beautiful, mind-altering, joy-filled snow!!! I can't wait for the snow! I love it, oh I love it.
Beyond the weather, I'm pushing along. Being poor (by American standards) isn't all that bad. I bet there will be some tight spots soon but it isn't all that bad. So far things are working with the little income I have and hopefully I'll get some more to help me pay down my debt. If you know of job leads, send them my way!
ttyl,
eric
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Crazy Fall
Let me share the wonderful things God is doing in my life.
This summer started off in a slump like I have not seen in years. I thought my worth and value was determined by getting a job and succeeding. After all that's why I went to school. Nothing like a depression to help you realize that these things are not worthy of holding our hope and joy.
Several months of depression later, I finally got a part-time job doing something that I was uber-overqualified to do. I had never been more happy to pee into a cup than the day they hired me! This job has been a humbling experience and God has given me grace in it. He's even changed my attitude some, helping me find him in my service to others.
Three weeks ago, I spoke with a good friend about how I really wanted to be used by God to pastor and to expand his Kingdom. He really encouraged me and we prayed. I felt hopeful that God wanted to use me and that this pent up desire could be opened up and walked into. But God wasn't done moving.
A week later, I got off work a little early and made it to Joshua House. I came in, sat down. I started to feel the Spirit come on my as Jonathan Rue shared some words, first of which that he believed God was calling some of us to be Pastors. I came up for prayer. God took this opportunity to speak into me, to encourage his son. It was in this time I felt the Lord specifically say some things that brought a lot of encouragement.
"You are first a son. I want to bless son-ship in your life."
"You've already been given the gift of pastoring, use it."
"Don't waste what I've given you."
All I can say is thank you Lord.
A week later I went to a small group retreat and had several people pray for me there. I wanted one of my group leaders to pray for me but in typical demonic fashion, the girls restroom toilet clogged up and the leader had to help with that. How a girl might have clogged her toilet up (royally I must add), I am not sure but it was "perfect" timing.
In my leader's absence, two of my friends began to pray for me. Three distinct words seem to come out of this. First, choose my words more carefully and avoid sarcasm. Second, God has placed people in my life already that he has appointed for me to help "pastor." Third, God has a higher portion of himself for me if I am willing to pay more for it. In other words, he will give more of himself to me if I am willing to sacrifice more of myself to him. As some may be uncomfortable with this language, let me say that he is the eternal gentleman and we have to invite and willingly give over ourselves to him in order to receive what he'd have for us. As for the higher portion, I have longed for this for weeks and likewise, the Spirit has been developing in me a desire to give up all that I am and seem to control and give it to him. Past, present and future, money, possessions, debt, talents, relationships, family, church, goals, dreams, occupation, education, and more and more and really everything in my life.
The following week, I walked with Jesus in the woods. As I walked, I shared with him my heart and at key times, he shared with me his heart. I think he wants me to bless me with gifts of evangelism, and proclamation of his truth and love. He also told me he's getting me a job at an upcoming job fair. He's told me that he's got me and that he will take care of me.
Today is the day after the Current, an annual conference of the Holy Spirit Task Force of the Great Lakes Region of US Vineyard Church. (I can't make this stuff up.) It was a great weekend and God really blessed me through it. I now know a lot more and I love learning. I also think that I may speak in Tongues (though it doesn't sound like others who I know speak in tongues... an odd but beautiful Gift from the Spirit. Beyond this, I received a lot of prayer and God chose to encourage me a lot. I felt a connection with Jeff Cannell, pastor of Central Vineyard. God doesn't need the star power but it was encouraging to know that the holy angst I've had about wanting to be a pastor is not unusual. Moreover, he blessed what God was doing in my life regarding that stuff and it was quite funny as he walked away, I noticed we have very similar messenger bags, both with the logo of the Israeli Paratroopers on them. I walked away very encouraged and very tired.
Today, I get ready to go to work and I hope to write about what Salvation is about. I pray the Lord would speak to me as I try to write on paper thoughts and concepts that my parents might be able to understand as I try to communicate what Christianity and Jesus are all really about. Like so many, they are confused and hounded by sickness and the evil one. I know God desires something better for them — namely Himself and His Love. I pray that I can formalize these thoughts and communicate them to my parents.
The Lord is doing something new in my life and I am thankful. I feel like a veil has been lifted and that light can shine in like it hasn't in so long. Please pray first and foremost that I would really embrace the son-ship that God wants to bless me with and that I would not be so easily distracted by so many other, lesser things. I know that if I seek him first, the rest will follow and I pray this and really that He would continue to transform my life.
God Bless and have a good day,
Eric
This summer started off in a slump like I have not seen in years. I thought my worth and value was determined by getting a job and succeeding. After all that's why I went to school. Nothing like a depression to help you realize that these things are not worthy of holding our hope and joy.
Several months of depression later, I finally got a part-time job doing something that I was uber-overqualified to do. I had never been more happy to pee into a cup than the day they hired me! This job has been a humbling experience and God has given me grace in it. He's even changed my attitude some, helping me find him in my service to others.
Three weeks ago, I spoke with a good friend about how I really wanted to be used by God to pastor and to expand his Kingdom. He really encouraged me and we prayed. I felt hopeful that God wanted to use me and that this pent up desire could be opened up and walked into. But God wasn't done moving.
A week later, I got off work a little early and made it to Joshua House. I came in, sat down. I started to feel the Spirit come on my as Jonathan Rue shared some words, first of which that he believed God was calling some of us to be Pastors. I came up for prayer. God took this opportunity to speak into me, to encourage his son. It was in this time I felt the Lord specifically say some things that brought a lot of encouragement.
"You are first a son. I want to bless son-ship in your life."
"You've already been given the gift of pastoring, use it."
"Don't waste what I've given you."
All I can say is thank you Lord.
A week later I went to a small group retreat and had several people pray for me there. I wanted one of my group leaders to pray for me but in typical demonic fashion, the girls restroom toilet clogged up and the leader had to help with that. How a girl might have clogged her toilet up (royally I must add), I am not sure but it was "perfect" timing.
In my leader's absence, two of my friends began to pray for me. Three distinct words seem to come out of this. First, choose my words more carefully and avoid sarcasm. Second, God has placed people in my life already that he has appointed for me to help "pastor." Third, God has a higher portion of himself for me if I am willing to pay more for it. In other words, he will give more of himself to me if I am willing to sacrifice more of myself to him. As some may be uncomfortable with this language, let me say that he is the eternal gentleman and we have to invite and willingly give over ourselves to him in order to receive what he'd have for us. As for the higher portion, I have longed for this for weeks and likewise, the Spirit has been developing in me a desire to give up all that I am and seem to control and give it to him. Past, present and future, money, possessions, debt, talents, relationships, family, church, goals, dreams, occupation, education, and more and more and really everything in my life.
The following week, I walked with Jesus in the woods. As I walked, I shared with him my heart and at key times, he shared with me his heart. I think he wants me to bless me with gifts of evangelism, and proclamation of his truth and love. He also told me he's getting me a job at an upcoming job fair. He's told me that he's got me and that he will take care of me.
Today is the day after the Current, an annual conference of the Holy Spirit Task Force of the Great Lakes Region of US Vineyard Church. (I can't make this stuff up.) It was a great weekend and God really blessed me through it. I now know a lot more and I love learning. I also think that I may speak in Tongues (though it doesn't sound like others who I know speak in tongues... an odd but beautiful Gift from the Spirit. Beyond this, I received a lot of prayer and God chose to encourage me a lot. I felt a connection with Jeff Cannell, pastor of Central Vineyard. God doesn't need the star power but it was encouraging to know that the holy angst I've had about wanting to be a pastor is not unusual. Moreover, he blessed what God was doing in my life regarding that stuff and it was quite funny as he walked away, I noticed we have very similar messenger bags, both with the logo of the Israeli Paratroopers on them. I walked away very encouraged and very tired.
Today, I get ready to go to work and I hope to write about what Salvation is about. I pray the Lord would speak to me as I try to write on paper thoughts and concepts that my parents might be able to understand as I try to communicate what Christianity and Jesus are all really about. Like so many, they are confused and hounded by sickness and the evil one. I know God desires something better for them — namely Himself and His Love. I pray that I can formalize these thoughts and communicate them to my parents.
The Lord is doing something new in my life and I am thankful. I feel like a veil has been lifted and that light can shine in like it hasn't in so long. Please pray first and foremost that I would really embrace the son-ship that God wants to bless me with and that I would not be so easily distracted by so many other, lesser things. I know that if I seek him first, the rest will follow and I pray this and really that He would continue to transform my life.
God Bless and have a good day,
Eric
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Crazy September
I want to say this first, I hate facebook. That's right, facebook — step off! What did facebook do you may ask? First and foremost it ruined my life, chance of having a livelihood, children, retirement, etc. We're suing.... No really, I hate that everyone posts pictures of me that are embarrassing, unflattering, and perhaps worse. I could remove the tags but actions in the virtual have affects in reality. That's short for there will be hell to pay. One issue at a time I guess.
Beyond facebook, can I say that it seems like life can really suck at times. These have been crazy months, months where I've tried to avoid Jesus, got myself in over my head in a relationship, and found that life is hard and can really suck sometimes. Okay, that's circular but you get to where I'm at and then we'll talk. It's times like these that make me say I hate the world and Jesus, come get me, we're going home or at least somewhere else because I thought we were going to the ice rink or skateworld or something. This is not skateworld damn-it!
I hate the fact that I have so many commitments. Today, I pissed into a cup and if that and a background check come back alright, I should begin training to be a CSR at Safelite Autoglass. This is a F*CKING BLESSING at the point where any further (within two months) and I'd be moving home to live with my parents and look for something there — where unemployment is +2% worse, pay is dismal, and young people flee. And I felt like it could work because I miss my parents some and don't want to deal with relationships in Columbus anymore. Nothing against people here and I've got a few great friendships but I get no time to myself and feel like text messages and commitments are breathing down my neck. I know I'm the messed up one here, no one else is at fault. In fact, everyone else, especially my girl, has done an excellent job of giving me space but I still feel enclosed and drowning.
And it is in times like these that wholesale changes need to happen because I'm tired of doing the status quo. What that means? I'm not sure. I thought about changing my name on facebook but instead I decided to limit security settings even more. Next, I may un-tag every single freaking photograph and ask my friends not to post or tag me in their photos, at least to use some discretion. I know I'm 25 but I'm sure that my friend's moms and potential employers don't need to see me with that crazy freaking smile or drunk-like blank stair that sometimes I have. Image isn't everything but it's important and I don't need the stress of thinking that people can see those images and that those kinds of things could be used to discriminate or at least misinform them of who I am. It's not like every photo is me holding a red cup and actually very few if any actually show me consuming any alcohol. The issue is a lack of discretion and before I know it, there will be a thousand photos posted and for what? So stalkers and future employers can rustle through them? So I can feel embarrassed all over again when I look at photos that show me doing weird things?
Am I being paranoid and freaked out too much here? Probably.
At this point to try to summarize things. I don't feel like many people get me, accept me, or really know anything else for that matter. That's okay but I'm not living a life that's true to Jesus or myself. This blog post is stuff seeping out of the wound. I need time and more of a desire to seek out Jesus and when I have so many surfacy relationships (sugar) and responsibilities I question how I can juggle everything (aka sour stomach from eating too much sugar). It's not the fault of the people I'm in relationship with but I need more space, lots more space.
A small but important victory — I am going to no longer try to impress or worry about impressing my small group leaders. The co-dependency in that relationship is going away and I hope it goes for good. Too be honest, I wish all the dependency would go away in all my relationships but that may take some time, hard conversations, and discipline to pursue what is most important in this life — loving and pursuing Jesus, loving myself, loving others, etc. Life was meant to be about more than all of this and I think I need to go on a sugar diet to find out.
Beyond facebook, can I say that it seems like life can really suck at times. These have been crazy months, months where I've tried to avoid Jesus, got myself in over my head in a relationship, and found that life is hard and can really suck sometimes. Okay, that's circular but you get to where I'm at and then we'll talk. It's times like these that make me say I hate the world and Jesus, come get me, we're going home or at least somewhere else because I thought we were going to the ice rink or skateworld or something. This is not skateworld damn-it!
I hate the fact that I have so many commitments. Today, I pissed into a cup and if that and a background check come back alright, I should begin training to be a CSR at Safelite Autoglass. This is a F*CKING BLESSING at the point where any further (within two months) and I'd be moving home to live with my parents and look for something there — where unemployment is +2% worse, pay is dismal, and young people flee. And I felt like it could work because I miss my parents some and don't want to deal with relationships in Columbus anymore. Nothing against people here and I've got a few great friendships but I get no time to myself and feel like text messages and commitments are breathing down my neck. I know I'm the messed up one here, no one else is at fault. In fact, everyone else, especially my girl, has done an excellent job of giving me space but I still feel enclosed and drowning.
And it is in times like these that wholesale changes need to happen because I'm tired of doing the status quo. What that means? I'm not sure. I thought about changing my name on facebook but instead I decided to limit security settings even more. Next, I may un-tag every single freaking photograph and ask my friends not to post or tag me in their photos, at least to use some discretion. I know I'm 25 but I'm sure that my friend's moms and potential employers don't need to see me with that crazy freaking smile or drunk-like blank stair that sometimes I have. Image isn't everything but it's important and I don't need the stress of thinking that people can see those images and that those kinds of things could be used to discriminate or at least misinform them of who I am. It's not like every photo is me holding a red cup and actually very few if any actually show me consuming any alcohol. The issue is a lack of discretion and before I know it, there will be a thousand photos posted and for what? So stalkers and future employers can rustle through them? So I can feel embarrassed all over again when I look at photos that show me doing weird things?
Am I being paranoid and freaked out too much here? Probably.
At this point to try to summarize things. I don't feel like many people get me, accept me, or really know anything else for that matter. That's okay but I'm not living a life that's true to Jesus or myself. This blog post is stuff seeping out of the wound. I need time and more of a desire to seek out Jesus and when I have so many surfacy relationships (sugar) and responsibilities I question how I can juggle everything (aka sour stomach from eating too much sugar). It's not the fault of the people I'm in relationship with but I need more space, lots more space.
A small but important victory — I am going to no longer try to impress or worry about impressing my small group leaders. The co-dependency in that relationship is going away and I hope it goes for good. Too be honest, I wish all the dependency would go away in all my relationships but that may take some time, hard conversations, and discipline to pursue what is most important in this life — loving and pursuing Jesus, loving myself, loving others, etc. Life was meant to be about more than all of this and I think I need to go on a sugar diet to find out.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Keep Pushing On
The Lord will sanctify me in his timing. I know He has me, and he will do what he is doing in his timing. This is a season in which I need to turn in toward him and I pray that this is happening! What is this "turn in toward him?"
In the simplest form, it is embracing more of the daily and really hourly prayer life (e.g. "Lord, Father, this is hard and things are difficult. Please help me." and "Please speak to me, guide me Father, let my will be your will, let my actions be those that glorify you, and help me to be obedient in everything!"
Beyond this, it's creating space and praying for and listening (mostly listening) for what the Lord would want to say about these things. These things today are "should I move?" "where should I move?" "Guide me to find a job," "Give me a job," "Help me to lead my relationship with Lindsey" (my G.F.), "help me to be obedient and under your direction," "Share with me what you want to share with me Father," "help me find the people you want me to love today," and "Please help me find joy Lord." I ask, and he speaks. Am I listening. So many times I don't hear what he wants to say. Sometimes he speaks louder, but usually, I miss him altogether. Do I not want to live with God those days? Am I just too busy? Am I rejecting the Spirit? Does he grant me grace and patiently wait until I come back?
This is such a crazy season. In many ways, I want it all to change. Unlike before, I'm starting to realize that changing everything is a great way to crash and burn. I'm also realizing that I need to move in the flow that the Lord is moving, and if I want to experience blessing and move as he would lead me, I have to stop and submit what's going on to him, listen and be obedient. Wisdom helps guide me here — obviously I need a job and the Lord has instructed us (so to say) through St. Paul that we are in fact to do work so that we can take care of ourselves and others. Okay, I'll be working on that.
In another vein though, I am trying to move. Why? Not necessarily because the Lord is "calling me" toward something but rather, I feel like I need to move on. Why? The peace is gone and I am, at times, full of malice. When I move on, will I have to deal with this — ohhh yes! Perhaps I'm running away from this but I know that this is all something that I need to get over. To sum it up, envy and jealousy and those sins compounded by my desire to judge others for, in my eyes, being selfish and self focused. Am I being selfish and self focused? Sure, I have to say... (enter excuses: but I'm on the brink (six months) of being completely broke and they are lavishly spending without regard for those (like me) who are getting pinched. Who's guilty in this kind of a situation — certainly me and that's all I can really say (confess).
What I want to move toward (calling or not) is a situation where I can stop hemorrhaging money as fast and potentially start saving and/or paying down debt as fast as possible. $53k in the whole with school loans, I need it to be paid off and fast. If I can pay $10K/yr (by living dirt cheap), it can be gone in six years. I'll be 31, maybe married, and on to whatever I will do next in my life — hopefully free of being a slave to debt! Lord, please help me get rid of this beast in my life!
Tomorrow is the fun day — swim party, state fair, and dinner with a friend who's getting married. Sunday and Monday I'm back in Dayton — where I'm from.
Best wishes,
Eric
In the simplest form, it is embracing more of the daily and really hourly prayer life (e.g. "Lord, Father, this is hard and things are difficult. Please help me." and "Please speak to me, guide me Father, let my will be your will, let my actions be those that glorify you, and help me to be obedient in everything!"
Beyond this, it's creating space and praying for and listening (mostly listening) for what the Lord would want to say about these things. These things today are "should I move?" "where should I move?" "Guide me to find a job," "Give me a job," "Help me to lead my relationship with Lindsey" (my G.F.), "help me to be obedient and under your direction," "Share with me what you want to share with me Father," "help me find the people you want me to love today," and "Please help me find joy Lord." I ask, and he speaks. Am I listening. So many times I don't hear what he wants to say. Sometimes he speaks louder, but usually, I miss him altogether. Do I not want to live with God those days? Am I just too busy? Am I rejecting the Spirit? Does he grant me grace and patiently wait until I come back?
This is such a crazy season. In many ways, I want it all to change. Unlike before, I'm starting to realize that changing everything is a great way to crash and burn. I'm also realizing that I need to move in the flow that the Lord is moving, and if I want to experience blessing and move as he would lead me, I have to stop and submit what's going on to him, listen and be obedient. Wisdom helps guide me here — obviously I need a job and the Lord has instructed us (so to say) through St. Paul that we are in fact to do work so that we can take care of ourselves and others. Okay, I'll be working on that.
In another vein though, I am trying to move. Why? Not necessarily because the Lord is "calling me" toward something but rather, I feel like I need to move on. Why? The peace is gone and I am, at times, full of malice. When I move on, will I have to deal with this — ohhh yes! Perhaps I'm running away from this but I know that this is all something that I need to get over. To sum it up, envy and jealousy and those sins compounded by my desire to judge others for, in my eyes, being selfish and self focused. Am I being selfish and self focused? Sure, I have to say... (enter excuses: but I'm on the brink (six months) of being completely broke and they are lavishly spending without regard for those (like me) who are getting pinched. Who's guilty in this kind of a situation — certainly me and that's all I can really say (confess).
What I want to move toward (calling or not) is a situation where I can stop hemorrhaging money as fast and potentially start saving and/or paying down debt as fast as possible. $53k in the whole with school loans, I need it to be paid off and fast. If I can pay $10K/yr (by living dirt cheap), it can be gone in six years. I'll be 31, maybe married, and on to whatever I will do next in my life — hopefully free of being a slave to debt! Lord, please help me get rid of this beast in my life!
Tomorrow is the fun day — swim party, state fair, and dinner with a friend who's getting married. Sunday and Monday I'm back in Dayton — where I'm from.
Best wishes,
Eric
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Depressed
Not that you want to hear this.
Not that I want to write this.
I think I may be depressed.
Today started off well, breakfast with a good friend of mine. Light snack for lunch with another good friend of mine. From then on, it was home for my third meeting for the day. That meeting didn't happen, and those kinds of things sometimes happen. This was a nice break from my normal schedule of nothing and more nothing.
Life as an unemployed person is, well, depressing for me. I should maybe feel perky and happy after Breathe but I don't. Reality (as I see it) has set back in and it is quite clear — I need a job soon and I need to make at least $12/hr to pay most of my bills. I would be better if I could make at least $14 to $15. If I was employed in my field, I'd be making $15 to $20/hr. I don't want to think about this.
More than the money, I am alone. Very little contact with others, though today was an exception. Stir-crazy may come close to explaining where I'm at right now. I have the cash, I could go eat a nice meal at a nice restaurant but instead, I'm deciding between eating the baked beans given to me as a gag-gift and pasta and a bratwurst.
Maybe the Lord is trying to break me. It is no secret that I am having a really, really hard time dealing with the fact that I am unemployed and have been so for about a month now since graduating. It's been almost four months since I got laid-off from my internship. I'm not saying that the Lord tries to break people but he knows that he isn't first right now — being joyful in him isn't happening right now and not only that, I'm starting to think that I'm making agreements about him in not having work. I'm next to livid, angry, vile. I went to school because there wasn't anything to do and I felt like he was telling me to go to school so I went and now 40K in the hole and in the middle of the depression/recession, no one is freaking hiring people like me anymore. I would probably go back for something I knew I could make money doing but, oh that's right, I have now $53k in debt. Whoops!
So what do I do?
I guess I send applications even though I am so fearful of rejection.
I guess I pray harder, maybe fast.
I guess I take more risks, apply everywhere and try for anything.
I guess I confess my sin and ask the Lord to fix me and, in his timing, give me a job.
Please pray.
Not that I want to write this.
I think I may be depressed.
Today started off well, breakfast with a good friend of mine. Light snack for lunch with another good friend of mine. From then on, it was home for my third meeting for the day. That meeting didn't happen, and those kinds of things sometimes happen. This was a nice break from my normal schedule of nothing and more nothing.
Life as an unemployed person is, well, depressing for me. I should maybe feel perky and happy after Breathe but I don't. Reality (as I see it) has set back in and it is quite clear — I need a job soon and I need to make at least $12/hr to pay most of my bills. I would be better if I could make at least $14 to $15. If I was employed in my field, I'd be making $15 to $20/hr. I don't want to think about this.
More than the money, I am alone. Very little contact with others, though today was an exception. Stir-crazy may come close to explaining where I'm at right now. I have the cash, I could go eat a nice meal at a nice restaurant but instead, I'm deciding between eating the baked beans given to me as a gag-gift and pasta and a bratwurst.
Maybe the Lord is trying to break me. It is no secret that I am having a really, really hard time dealing with the fact that I am unemployed and have been so for about a month now since graduating. It's been almost four months since I got laid-off from my internship. I'm not saying that the Lord tries to break people but he knows that he isn't first right now — being joyful in him isn't happening right now and not only that, I'm starting to think that I'm making agreements about him in not having work. I'm next to livid, angry, vile. I went to school because there wasn't anything to do and I felt like he was telling me to go to school so I went and now 40K in the hole and in the middle of the depression/recession, no one is freaking hiring people like me anymore. I would probably go back for something I knew I could make money doing but, oh that's right, I have now $53k in debt. Whoops!
So what do I do?
I guess I send applications even though I am so fearful of rejection.
I guess I pray harder, maybe fast.
I guess I take more risks, apply everywhere and try for anything.
I guess I confess my sin and ask the Lord to fix me and, in his timing, give me a job.
Please pray.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Breathe 2009
Today is Monday, the Monday after breathe.
Returning from the mountain is so hard. Like waking up from a night of dreaming, the fleeting thoughts and feelings seem to slip. I write hoping to document some of those reactions to this year's Breathe festival.
LOVING OTHERS IS KEY
I walk away knowing that I am, at most times, too obsessed about details and not concerned with people. Jesus wants me to be about him and his people, showing mercy and grace, loving people where they're at and all of that. Though God-given, I have an amazing capacity to notice and a strong desire to fix details, problems, issues, etc. I fix things and I fix them well. Though this desire for perfectionism matters in some situations, it does not matter in most... and in most all, it is subordinate to loving people. This is especially difficult when dealing with others who like to control details and may have similar gifts yet, in my estimation, do things wrong or break things.
We all can be better at what we do, me included, and some are more able than others. The key for me is realizing that the goal of camping at breathe is to be at breathe and have reasonable shelter — if we fail, a tent collapses, something breaks, etc. My intervention to fix and do things better (making tents work, fixing things in general is a strength of mine) is not needed unless asked and furthermore, it's more important to love and assist others than try to explain and fix in a gruff, frustrated, and perhaps condescending manner. I may be freakishly smart at fixing stuff but getting along with people remains a weakness, one that I think God wants to work on and I'm eagerly anticipating his healing work, God — the one who is able to fix anything and everything to be perfect as he made it. I long for his healing work in my life.
INADEQUACY TO WORSHIP EFFECTIVELY
I felt like worship was, well, boring the first night. I wasn't feeling it, getting into it. I didn't know the songs, I didn't really feel the Lord, I was tired and stressed.... On Saturday, things changed and I really felt like the Lord met us. By session three on Saturday night, I felt like the Lord really came and a strong desire to worship him. The desire at times seems weird and fleeting itself but I worshiped all the same. I want to feel sucked into worship, like it is something I cannot compel myself to abstain from — like it is something I long to do and am sucked into... but rather, it usually is something I have to focus on and push into. I think either form is fine, God want's us to worship and that is a difficult thing to do, rejecting the desires of ourselves, the world, and Satan to put our attention, focus, and bodies before God and praise him! We were made to praise but at times it feels like I'm so divided. Anyway, several times I got really caught up in praising God and just felt totally inadequate to pray and praise. I felt like the Lord was saying that he wanted to give me the gift of praying (praising) in tongues and that I should find a certain person to pray with and that it would be given to me. It didn't work out to do that and we ended up praying the next day. All I can say is that it hasn't happened yet but I hope and pray that it will happen soon, in His timing.
OTHER GREAT INSIGHTS AND QUOTABLES
Mike Erre (Friday night)
— The reward of following Jesus is Jesus. — Mike Erre
— We can say "no" to Jesus' instruction and teaching... but where else would we go? How can we say "no" to Jesus when he's the one we trust, love, believe is the one, the savior, etc.
Mike Erre (Saturday morning)
— Jesus is more radical than we ever thought he was or could be.
— Our faith should be a faith of action, that is doing or living the life of faith and not simply an intellectual pursuit.
— actions show what we really believe and eventually our actions should start showing that we are submitting to and trusting in Jesus and the Scriptures.
— following Jesus is doing and acting in such a way as we already are. When we gained faith and salvation in Jesus, our lives and destinies changed, he changed us... and we must put to death the ways of the old to accept the new life Christ has for us in this age and the age to come!
Jay Pathak (Saturday night)
— The Jesus story, the story we were all made for.
— The Jesus story is the one we should believe yet other stories compete for our hearts.
— People are inhibited from moving forward because of hurdles inside of us that must be jumped before we can see things change on the outside. Love with Jesus drives us forward through these hurdles....
— We must be rooted and established in Jesus (eph 3:14)
— We can do nothing (of significance) apart from Jesus (jn 15:5-17)
— Changes happens passively and not always actively.
— Everything God does in you moves from the inside out.
— Simple things become impossible when we're disconnected from Jesus — seek him first and ask him to uproot the weeds in our lives rather than just trying to hack away the weeds and leaving the roots behind. God wants to completely restore you, not manage your sin.
— Watch for bad fruit and know that it does not come from the Father
— If you love, you'll obey. If you obey, you will be loved. This is relational, obeying flows out of relationship.
— If you make me (Jesus) the priority, the center — I'll reveal and share things with you, the future will open.
— To see Jesus changes everything.... what's possible for me, what competes with him. wouldn't it be great if all of this was simple again, and it is with Jesus.
Jay Pathak (Sunday AM)
— Our lives at church and in the Kingdom are mroe real than all else...
— How do we stay there and not get lost in normalcy?
— We must know ourselves, our feers, our concerns, and believe that Jesus is more and have our hearts in a place where we're ready to respond in a moment.
— Take life by the horns, be real, be authentic.... the key issue that inhibits growth and realizing dreams is not a lack of knowledge or information but a need to release yourself from the things that bind you, your fears.
— We can be afraid and not know it, largely because of subtle fears that we are comfortable with such as insecurity, fear, shame, and doubt that prevent us from seeing the possible.
— Stop making excuses and be ready for the Lord and say "yes" to his calling...
— Don't waste your life waiting for the "right" time.
— Don't let fear keep you from taking chances. You'll make mistakes but every once in a while you'll get something right, really right. Though fear of making mistakes is normal, don't let it paralyze you from taking risks.
— Don't wait to see opportunities in the rear-view mirror.
— Remove resistance so you can move when God moves you to. (1 Peter 3:9)
— Don't worry, we can't make Jesus look bad, we can't.
— If we deal with our fear, we can then move when He leads... if you must be afraid, be afraid of God. Do not be afraid of this world or of man.
—Three main fears
1. Fear of Rejection (man). Don't be afraid of things that lead to death (symbolic and literal) because it is death that leads to life.
2. Fear of Failure. We all will fail but will you fail by not even trying or will you fail in your trying? Peter is looked at as a failure for not having enough faith to be able to walk all the way to Jesus on the water but remember, he was the only one who got up and attempted it (he got two steps before starting to sink), the rest simply looked on and had not enough faith to attempt such thing.
3. Fear of Success. Afraid that things will work out (if God really does come through) and that it will change my life, things may never be the same.
I'll post more soon but this is it for now...
Returning from the mountain is so hard. Like waking up from a night of dreaming, the fleeting thoughts and feelings seem to slip. I write hoping to document some of those reactions to this year's Breathe festival.
LOVING OTHERS IS KEY
I walk away knowing that I am, at most times, too obsessed about details and not concerned with people. Jesus wants me to be about him and his people, showing mercy and grace, loving people where they're at and all of that. Though God-given, I have an amazing capacity to notice and a strong desire to fix details, problems, issues, etc. I fix things and I fix them well. Though this desire for perfectionism matters in some situations, it does not matter in most... and in most all, it is subordinate to loving people. This is especially difficult when dealing with others who like to control details and may have similar gifts yet, in my estimation, do things wrong or break things.
We all can be better at what we do, me included, and some are more able than others. The key for me is realizing that the goal of camping at breathe is to be at breathe and have reasonable shelter — if we fail, a tent collapses, something breaks, etc. My intervention to fix and do things better (making tents work, fixing things in general is a strength of mine) is not needed unless asked and furthermore, it's more important to love and assist others than try to explain and fix in a gruff, frustrated, and perhaps condescending manner. I may be freakishly smart at fixing stuff but getting along with people remains a weakness, one that I think God wants to work on and I'm eagerly anticipating his healing work, God — the one who is able to fix anything and everything to be perfect as he made it. I long for his healing work in my life.
INADEQUACY TO WORSHIP EFFECTIVELY
I felt like worship was, well, boring the first night. I wasn't feeling it, getting into it. I didn't know the songs, I didn't really feel the Lord, I was tired and stressed.... On Saturday, things changed and I really felt like the Lord met us. By session three on Saturday night, I felt like the Lord really came and a strong desire to worship him. The desire at times seems weird and fleeting itself but I worshiped all the same. I want to feel sucked into worship, like it is something I cannot compel myself to abstain from — like it is something I long to do and am sucked into... but rather, it usually is something I have to focus on and push into. I think either form is fine, God want's us to worship and that is a difficult thing to do, rejecting the desires of ourselves, the world, and Satan to put our attention, focus, and bodies before God and praise him! We were made to praise but at times it feels like I'm so divided. Anyway, several times I got really caught up in praising God and just felt totally inadequate to pray and praise. I felt like the Lord was saying that he wanted to give me the gift of praying (praising) in tongues and that I should find a certain person to pray with and that it would be given to me. It didn't work out to do that and we ended up praying the next day. All I can say is that it hasn't happened yet but I hope and pray that it will happen soon, in His timing.
OTHER GREAT INSIGHTS AND QUOTABLES
Mike Erre (Friday night)
— The reward of following Jesus is Jesus. — Mike Erre
— We can say "no" to Jesus' instruction and teaching... but where else would we go? How can we say "no" to Jesus when he's the one we trust, love, believe is the one, the savior, etc.
Mike Erre (Saturday morning)
— Jesus is more radical than we ever thought he was or could be.
— Our faith should be a faith of action, that is doing or living the life of faith and not simply an intellectual pursuit.
— actions show what we really believe and eventually our actions should start showing that we are submitting to and trusting in Jesus and the Scriptures.
— following Jesus is doing and acting in such a way as we already are. When we gained faith and salvation in Jesus, our lives and destinies changed, he changed us... and we must put to death the ways of the old to accept the new life Christ has for us in this age and the age to come!
Jay Pathak (Saturday night)
— The Jesus story, the story we were all made for.
— The Jesus story is the one we should believe yet other stories compete for our hearts.
— People are inhibited from moving forward because of hurdles inside of us that must be jumped before we can see things change on the outside. Love with Jesus drives us forward through these hurdles....
— We must be rooted and established in Jesus (eph 3:14)
— We can do nothing (of significance) apart from Jesus (jn 15:5-17)
— Changes happens passively and not always actively.
— Everything God does in you moves from the inside out.
— Simple things become impossible when we're disconnected from Jesus — seek him first and ask him to uproot the weeds in our lives rather than just trying to hack away the weeds and leaving the roots behind. God wants to completely restore you, not manage your sin.
— Watch for bad fruit and know that it does not come from the Father
— If you love, you'll obey. If you obey, you will be loved. This is relational, obeying flows out of relationship.
— If you make me (Jesus) the priority, the center — I'll reveal and share things with you, the future will open.
— To see Jesus changes everything.... what's possible for me, what competes with him. wouldn't it be great if all of this was simple again, and it is with Jesus.
Jay Pathak (Sunday AM)
— Our lives at church and in the Kingdom are mroe real than all else...
— How do we stay there and not get lost in normalcy?
— We must know ourselves, our feers, our concerns, and believe that Jesus is more and have our hearts in a place where we're ready to respond in a moment.
— Take life by the horns, be real, be authentic.... the key issue that inhibits growth and realizing dreams is not a lack of knowledge or information but a need to release yourself from the things that bind you, your fears.
— We can be afraid and not know it, largely because of subtle fears that we are comfortable with such as insecurity, fear, shame, and doubt that prevent us from seeing the possible.
— Stop making excuses and be ready for the Lord and say "yes" to his calling...
— Don't waste your life waiting for the "right" time.
— Don't let fear keep you from taking chances. You'll make mistakes but every once in a while you'll get something right, really right. Though fear of making mistakes is normal, don't let it paralyze you from taking risks.
— Don't wait to see opportunities in the rear-view mirror.
— Remove resistance so you can move when God moves you to. (1 Peter 3:9)
— Don't worry, we can't make Jesus look bad, we can't.
— If we deal with our fear, we can then move when He leads... if you must be afraid, be afraid of God. Do not be afraid of this world or of man.
—Three main fears
1. Fear of Rejection (man). Don't be afraid of things that lead to death (symbolic and literal) because it is death that leads to life.
2. Fear of Failure. We all will fail but will you fail by not even trying or will you fail in your trying? Peter is looked at as a failure for not having enough faith to be able to walk all the way to Jesus on the water but remember, he was the only one who got up and attempted it (he got two steps before starting to sink), the rest simply looked on and had not enough faith to attempt such thing.
3. Fear of Success. Afraid that things will work out (if God really does come through) and that it will change my life, things may never be the same.
I'll post more soon but this is it for now...
Friday, July 10, 2009
I need a job Lord, please save me.
Today I continued my job search... online.
I'm realizing that I'm depressed and that I both majored and mastered in programs that were not really in demand. The Bureau of Labor Statistics says Planning as a job field will grow over the next few years but that projection was made before the credit crisis of 2008. I'm starting to get really tired of being unemployed.
I could listen to a sermon, read, or even pray but all of that just seems so futile now. I know that I'm under attack from the enemy today. He wants to steal my joy. It seems so easy to believe him when things are so bad right now. So bad in comparison to what I had hoped for — the land of milk and honey after getting a master's degree. At least I have food to eat and a house over my head (for now). The funny thing is that I don't know if I even want to be a planner anyway. At a time, I wanted to work for the church, I wanted to be a pastor. Today I think about how many classes would it take to get me to pass the CPA exam or get some sort of medical license. I think about serving, I think about selling. I think about how I'm in a spot right now.
Lord, please get me a job
I'm realizing that I'm depressed and that I both majored and mastered in programs that were not really in demand. The Bureau of Labor Statistics says Planning as a job field will grow over the next few years but that projection was made before the credit crisis of 2008. I'm starting to get really tired of being unemployed.
I could listen to a sermon, read, or even pray but all of that just seems so futile now. I know that I'm under attack from the enemy today. He wants to steal my joy. It seems so easy to believe him when things are so bad right now. So bad in comparison to what I had hoped for — the land of milk and honey after getting a master's degree. At least I have food to eat and a house over my head (for now). The funny thing is that I don't know if I even want to be a planner anyway. At a time, I wanted to work for the church, I wanted to be a pastor. Today I think about how many classes would it take to get me to pass the CPA exam or get some sort of medical license. I think about serving, I think about selling. I think about how I'm in a spot right now.
Lord, please get me a job
Sunday, July 5, 2009
I am proud and it is not good!
I had plans of writing a book this summer. When? I'm not sure, but I was thinking about it. I'm 25, pious and unwise, proud and unbridled, sarcastic and unfiltered. For now, I have my blog. As for writing books, the things that people pay money to buy and read, I should wait. My wisdom is limited, my perspective is unsure, I am uneasy. This is where I try to figure this stuff and other things out.
I am haughty and this is not something to prideful about. I judge most and tell others what I think. I try to polish it off, "calling a spade a spade," or something. Dissension will help no one but that doesn't stop me. I assail my pastor, other pastors and churches, brothers and sisters who sin in one way or the other. I am hardly ever rebuked or challenged and in many ways, I feel adrift in a sea of lawlessness and injustice. In my pain, in my hurting, I sometimes seek to take others down and for this I say I'm sorry and confess that this is behavior unbecoming of a disciple of Christ.
All I desire is to know him more. To know him more, I feel I must learn how to allow him to go out before me, and to respect the authority he has established. Respect the authority means placing yourself underneath that authority and allowing others to challenge, rebuke, encourage, guide, and direct me toward being a more faithful servant. I hope to find those believers.
Until I find those people, I'm left here to largely figure it out on my own. This pains me. I want to be under authority. Processing this here and now, beyond being under the authority of Christ, I want to be under the authority (and correction) of those who can help me be a more mature and effective disciple — notably older Christians who aren't tossed to and fro by the waves of this life.
Not to diminish the point above, for now I (pridefully) believe that it is possible to discern both Spiritually and through observation as to whether or not the actions of an individual are effective, helpful, biblical, etc. Is this being judgmental? Can the actions be judged and the person (their soul, character, etc.) be kept separate from their actions? Perhaps it matters as to whether or not the issues are black and white, or grey?
We can parse words all day but my heart shows that I am clearly guilty of malice and bitterness. I have willfully and wantonly engaged in these kinds of issues and have done so in a way that has been careful and I still feel as if I am leading to dissension and causing problems. I have no outlet but prayer and though appealing to the ultimate authority seems to be the obvious thing, it seems bothersome (immaturity?). All I can say is Lord help me, have mercy on my because I'm a sinner and miss the forest for the trees everyday! Bring me out of this fog, tear me down and make me humble!
I am haughty and this is not something to prideful about. I judge most and tell others what I think. I try to polish it off, "calling a spade a spade," or something. Dissension will help no one but that doesn't stop me. I assail my pastor, other pastors and churches, brothers and sisters who sin in one way or the other. I am hardly ever rebuked or challenged and in many ways, I feel adrift in a sea of lawlessness and injustice. In my pain, in my hurting, I sometimes seek to take others down and for this I say I'm sorry and confess that this is behavior unbecoming of a disciple of Christ.
All I desire is to know him more. To know him more, I feel I must learn how to allow him to go out before me, and to respect the authority he has established. Respect the authority means placing yourself underneath that authority and allowing others to challenge, rebuke, encourage, guide, and direct me toward being a more faithful servant. I hope to find those believers.
Until I find those people, I'm left here to largely figure it out on my own. This pains me. I want to be under authority. Processing this here and now, beyond being under the authority of Christ, I want to be under the authority (and correction) of those who can help me be a more mature and effective disciple — notably older Christians who aren't tossed to and fro by the waves of this life.
Not to diminish the point above, for now I (pridefully) believe that it is possible to discern both Spiritually and through observation as to whether or not the actions of an individual are effective, helpful, biblical, etc. Is this being judgmental? Can the actions be judged and the person (their soul, character, etc.) be kept separate from their actions? Perhaps it matters as to whether or not the issues are black and white, or grey?
We can parse words all day but my heart shows that I am clearly guilty of malice and bitterness. I have willfully and wantonly engaged in these kinds of issues and have done so in a way that has been careful and I still feel as if I am leading to dissension and causing problems. I have no outlet but prayer and though appealing to the ultimate authority seems to be the obvious thing, it seems bothersome (immaturity?). All I can say is Lord help me, have mercy on my because I'm a sinner and miss the forest for the trees everyday! Bring me out of this fog, tear me down and make me humble!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Surprise Parties, and Intellectualism and the Gospel
Surprise Parties
So, my girlfriend is sweet. She threw me a surprise graduation party under the guise of a date and, well, I was fooled. I'm amazed my group could keep a secret like that and it was pretty sweet. She even invited some people from my major - people who don't go to our church. I was floored when they arrived, booze and all! More floored when a cop showed up because we were being "too loud" according to one of our neighbors. "Too loud" in this case included music being played off a laptop's speakers and some people having a conversation on the porch and others having talking and having a good time inside. No debauchery, no outbursts of laughter, no fun... except for me, I was having fun but it was in my soul, not audible as loudness. Anyway, good times. I just hope that we can have that date that I thought we were going to have. Facebook will be updated in a few hours.
Intellectualism
I'll try to be brief, not usually a skill of intellectuals but one I try to practice anyway -- we've all got a lot of stuff to do. Intellectuals need good books to read, people to talk to, and teachers who will help them learn more. I get it and I encourage those people (probably including myself) to pursue those things but I would exhort them to consider their place in the Church. I think intellectuals are needed to fulfill several functions in the local church: to care about and try to understand the finer points of the Bible and Faith and help make those accessible to the masses; to help ensure that we are reflecting, in Chandler's words, "The Manifold Wisdom of God" in the ways we conduct ourselves; and to help ensure we are worshiping and living in "Spirit and Truth."
These could be blended together in a soup, sliced and diced however you may but a central point remains. God has gifted intellectuals with a desire (hopefully) and a capacity to understand just a little bit more than the rest of us about the scriptures and the world around us. "Just a little bit more" is subjective and relative -- though our understanding is still no where near what God's understanding is, at times we are spectacularly flabbergasted by the insanity that some pastors and laypeople have exhibited in the Church. In times like this, it seems as if loving others and trying not to judge are tasks that I doubt that I could ever perform short of living an empowered life.
I feel your pain and all I can say is that there's no life in trying to withdraw yourself from others and their splendid mistakes. All of these instances are evidences for why the church needs you to at least pray, and at most lovingly point out the mistake WHEN GOD APPOINTS. This involves waiting, praying, listening, being humble, loving. If you want to grow as an intellectual, you'll do these things and not be so quick to rebuke and shut down others. You are a part of the body and when you leave, you take something with you. I shouldn't have to explain this but I will -- God established this time for us to be together and when you withdraw to other places, you're taking a gift set that he gave you to bless one group and leaving for another. What good is it for all of the eyes to be together and all of the feet and hands to be in a different group?
This all being said, I think it is key that intellectuals be received and encouraged within the local church. Intellectuals who have a desire for God and his Glory are helpful. Examples of how they can serve the Church include discipling and teaching others, preparing materials, bring complicated topics and concepts down to a lower shelf so to speak, etc. Most of these roles are outward focused and it's not by accident. Intellectuals, and every other "group," need to understand that the fulfillment of the Christian life is a life that pours the Gospel, Love, (Spiritual) Gifts, Truth, etc. out on others and not a life where one holds onto such things in a vain attempt to accumulate as much as one can hold on to (which is much less than we might think).
The Christian life is not inwardly bent but it is bent outward, Christ comes, restores our right standing with God and gives us the Spirit, gives us Gifts, starts to lead us down the path of Progressive Sanctification (increasing Holiness), starts to heal us and show us his love. Though these things are for us, they are also for others, specifically to build up and glorify the body (church), to share the good news with others, and disciple, baptise, and teach those who embrace Jesus. When intellectuals say that they don't want to be a part of a community that doesn't want them, they can miss out on these parts of what make a full walk with Christ. When leaders make their groups places that are inhospitable to intellectuals, they miss out on the benefits that these people can offer young believers in their groups. Both responses deny what God is trying to do through putting people with different gifts in unit of the body of believers.
Moreover than this issue, I believe that intellectuals who fail to live outwardly bent lives, seeking to embrace what they are not strong or proficient in (loving others, loving those difficult to love, dealing with the rest, helping others to grow, being patient and waiting, etc.) risk missing out on a major way God moves to heal and bring joy to all believers. Doing ministry seems to be the example set in the scriptures, not endless study and rejection/separation of those who don't seem to get it.
Finally, I think it is key to remember that Jesus says that we are to come to him with Child-like faith. Not for one second do I believe that this means we are to check our brains or intellectualism at the door. After hearing one of Chandler's teachings about this recently, a key point seems to be that we are desperately dependent upon Jesus to atone for our sins, for the Holy Spirit to meet us in our time of need. Children need provision and cry out to their parents, change me, feed me, etc. This seems like such a good metaphor for the Christian walk, which at times feels more like being dragged and at other times like we're sprinting. I don't know about you but I've generally found my intellectualism as a hindrance to my pursuit of a Child-like faith... and going back to the basics seems to be a regular need in my walk. Why? Read it once and we're supposed to get it right? Well, I think it's because I have so much of a problem getting the basics down, fully and completely believing the basics in my heart of hearts, etc. To get it with my mind is not enough, and at times it is not refreshing to my often tired and weary soul in desperate need of being fully healed and made new. There's a freedom in Christ to move as we feel led -- for those who are feeling lead to focus on the obscure, that's sweet and all but in this season, I'm focusing on the basics (Gospels, Paul's exhortations, etc.). All I can offer for intellectuals is this: don't allow your study and life to lead to an obscuring of the Gospels and the reasons why and for what God has called us here to do! I believe God has greatly intended an outward focused life to be one of the major ways he shows us the finer points of Faith and trusting in Him. It's not only where the rubber hits the road, it's where what God is teaching us can be applied and used to help grow His Kingdom!
So, my girlfriend is sweet. She threw me a surprise graduation party under the guise of a date and, well, I was fooled. I'm amazed my group could keep a secret like that and it was pretty sweet. She even invited some people from my major - people who don't go to our church. I was floored when they arrived, booze and all! More floored when a cop showed up because we were being "too loud" according to one of our neighbors. "Too loud" in this case included music being played off a laptop's speakers and some people having a conversation on the porch and others having talking and having a good time inside. No debauchery, no outbursts of laughter, no fun... except for me, I was having fun but it was in my soul, not audible as loudness. Anyway, good times. I just hope that we can have that date that I thought we were going to have. Facebook will be updated in a few hours.
Intellectualism
I'll try to be brief, not usually a skill of intellectuals but one I try to practice anyway -- we've all got a lot of stuff to do. Intellectuals need good books to read, people to talk to, and teachers who will help them learn more. I get it and I encourage those people (probably including myself) to pursue those things but I would exhort them to consider their place in the Church. I think intellectuals are needed to fulfill several functions in the local church: to care about and try to understand the finer points of the Bible and Faith and help make those accessible to the masses; to help ensure that we are reflecting, in Chandler's words, "The Manifold Wisdom of God" in the ways we conduct ourselves; and to help ensure we are worshiping and living in "Spirit and Truth."
These could be blended together in a soup, sliced and diced however you may but a central point remains. God has gifted intellectuals with a desire (hopefully) and a capacity to understand just a little bit more than the rest of us about the scriptures and the world around us. "Just a little bit more" is subjective and relative -- though our understanding is still no where near what God's understanding is, at times we are spectacularly flabbergasted by the insanity that some pastors and laypeople have exhibited in the Church. In times like this, it seems as if loving others and trying not to judge are tasks that I doubt that I could ever perform short of living an empowered life.
I feel your pain and all I can say is that there's no life in trying to withdraw yourself from others and their splendid mistakes. All of these instances are evidences for why the church needs you to at least pray, and at most lovingly point out the mistake WHEN GOD APPOINTS. This involves waiting, praying, listening, being humble, loving. If you want to grow as an intellectual, you'll do these things and not be so quick to rebuke and shut down others. You are a part of the body and when you leave, you take something with you. I shouldn't have to explain this but I will -- God established this time for us to be together and when you withdraw to other places, you're taking a gift set that he gave you to bless one group and leaving for another. What good is it for all of the eyes to be together and all of the feet and hands to be in a different group?
This all being said, I think it is key that intellectuals be received and encouraged within the local church. Intellectuals who have a desire for God and his Glory are helpful. Examples of how they can serve the Church include discipling and teaching others, preparing materials, bring complicated topics and concepts down to a lower shelf so to speak, etc. Most of these roles are outward focused and it's not by accident. Intellectuals, and every other "group," need to understand that the fulfillment of the Christian life is a life that pours the Gospel, Love, (Spiritual) Gifts, Truth, etc. out on others and not a life where one holds onto such things in a vain attempt to accumulate as much as one can hold on to (which is much less than we might think).
The Christian life is not inwardly bent but it is bent outward, Christ comes, restores our right standing with God and gives us the Spirit, gives us Gifts, starts to lead us down the path of Progressive Sanctification (increasing Holiness), starts to heal us and show us his love. Though these things are for us, they are also for others, specifically to build up and glorify the body (church), to share the good news with others, and disciple, baptise, and teach those who embrace Jesus. When intellectuals say that they don't want to be a part of a community that doesn't want them, they can miss out on these parts of what make a full walk with Christ. When leaders make their groups places that are inhospitable to intellectuals, they miss out on the benefits that these people can offer young believers in their groups. Both responses deny what God is trying to do through putting people with different gifts in unit of the body of believers.
Moreover than this issue, I believe that intellectuals who fail to live outwardly bent lives, seeking to embrace what they are not strong or proficient in (loving others, loving those difficult to love, dealing with the rest, helping others to grow, being patient and waiting, etc.) risk missing out on a major way God moves to heal and bring joy to all believers. Doing ministry seems to be the example set in the scriptures, not endless study and rejection/separation of those who don't seem to get it.
Finally, I think it is key to remember that Jesus says that we are to come to him with Child-like faith. Not for one second do I believe that this means we are to check our brains or intellectualism at the door. After hearing one of Chandler's teachings about this recently, a key point seems to be that we are desperately dependent upon Jesus to atone for our sins, for the Holy Spirit to meet us in our time of need. Children need provision and cry out to their parents, change me, feed me, etc. This seems like such a good metaphor for the Christian walk, which at times feels more like being dragged and at other times like we're sprinting. I don't know about you but I've generally found my intellectualism as a hindrance to my pursuit of a Child-like faith... and going back to the basics seems to be a regular need in my walk. Why? Read it once and we're supposed to get it right? Well, I think it's because I have so much of a problem getting the basics down, fully and completely believing the basics in my heart of hearts, etc. To get it with my mind is not enough, and at times it is not refreshing to my often tired and weary soul in desperate need of being fully healed and made new. There's a freedom in Christ to move as we feel led -- for those who are feeling lead to focus on the obscure, that's sweet and all but in this season, I'm focusing on the basics (Gospels, Paul's exhortations, etc.). All I can offer for intellectuals is this: don't allow your study and life to lead to an obscuring of the Gospels and the reasons why and for what God has called us here to do! I believe God has greatly intended an outward focused life to be one of the major ways he shows us the finer points of Faith and trusting in Him. It's not only where the rubber hits the road, it's where what God is teaching us can be applied and used to help grow His Kingdom!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Thursday Thoughts
Note: Writing on this blog isn't going to become a daily thing but I want to share and ask for prayer.
I am not concerned that I will somehow escape the will of God or his plan for my life. I don't desire to hyper-spiritualize things either. That being said, this is a weird season that I'm in these days — very few planning jobs (the profession I'm educated in), and few other jobs to speak of. If I am willing to move, my prospects of finding something increase but at an expense. Simply, my impression of what God wants to do in my life with my community and in this time is growing and to leave at the beginning or middle of it seems to be, well, counter productive. This all said, I need a job and I'm not going to screw up his plans.... I know and want to submit all of this to the Lord and I don't believe that will hyper-spiritualizing anything. Beyond direction, I want to be submitted to his leading and direction. This is something that's important to me, a way of obeying and worshiping. I pray these things to God and now I put them on my blog, please pray that this would be a summer of intense growth and connection with Jesus and the Holy Spirit, a summer of healing, a summer of following, a summer of finding work and keeping my affairs in order.
your friend,
Eric
I am not concerned that I will somehow escape the will of God or his plan for my life. I don't desire to hyper-spiritualize things either. That being said, this is a weird season that I'm in these days — very few planning jobs (the profession I'm educated in), and few other jobs to speak of. If I am willing to move, my prospects of finding something increase but at an expense. Simply, my impression of what God wants to do in my life with my community and in this time is growing and to leave at the beginning or middle of it seems to be, well, counter productive. This all said, I need a job and I'm not going to screw up his plans.... I know and want to submit all of this to the Lord and I don't believe that will hyper-spiritualizing anything. Beyond direction, I want to be submitted to his leading and direction. This is something that's important to me, a way of obeying and worshiping. I pray these things to God and now I put them on my blog, please pray that this would be a summer of intense growth and connection with Jesus and the Holy Spirit, a summer of healing, a summer of following, a summer of finding work and keeping my affairs in order.
your friend,
Eric
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Freedom? — Yes, Freedom in Christ
On Sunday, I put on my solar heat collector (black graduation robe) and marched into Ohio Stadium. Three hours later I had three photographs of me taken as I walked up to someone who wore a more fancy robe than I, shook their hand, and received my white envelope. In side, a piece of paper recognizing my two years of work and the result of $40,000 of student loans. Dazed and realizing this is probably the last time I'll get to walk on the field at Ohio Stadium, I took a few minutes to soak up the moment. Looking around, I saw parents and family members snapping shots of the graduates as well as fellow graduates getting into groups and taking photographs on the field. Many were excited and full of emotion. I stood there holding my crocks (shoes) in one hand and my diploma in the other. My bare feet trying to pinch the fake grass between my toes, striving for some sense of awareness. Minutes later, I walked through crowds of very diverse families — some waiting and others rejoicing and taking photographs with their new graduates. Regardless of ethnicity or race, Black families, Indian families, Asian families, and White families alike were celebrating the achievement of their newest graduate family member. I wonder why they are so excited. Was graduating from college such a challenge or even a question? I know that not all graduate and I know from friends that it can sometimes take a full decade to get through as an undergrad. Regardless, graduating the first time felt normal and now, graduating for the second time it felt surreal as I walked through the crowds toward my father who came to watch the ceremony.
A few days later, I sit unemployed and looking at job postings. Many are in far away places and I'm fine with moving but in many respects, I don't want to move on. In many respects moving on seems like something that would be paralyzing and come at the wrong time.... I finally have time for art, pursuing God and relationships, and most importantly, I finally have met someone I really like and I think that it's safe to say we're dating. Beyond the anxiety, this could be a really good season to stay in Columbus for... with the sole exception of the whole employment thing. The number of choices seem crippling and everything being up in the air (thinking about moving again) at the same time seems at times as if it is too much to bear. While in school, the directive was simple: pay money (loans), do the work well, pass classes, work internships, and graduate. Now, it is get a job (more outside of my control than I'm usually comfortable with) and live life. There's little structure and lots of ambiguity.
I don't like this place but I know that this is the place where faith grows. This is the place where I need to come to Jesus in prayer and ask, Lord — what should I do? In many respects, I don't expect a bright neon sign or an audible voice but the Lord has been clear with me about such things before and he can do so again. If anything is apparent over the past few years, pursuing what he wants for me is the best thing that I can do in my life. In many aspects I have dreams and aspirations and though I do believe God moves and works through those things as well, I believe he has plans and processes that he moves us through to mature us, to draw us closer to him, to help us increase in the measure of Christ-likeness. If this is a time that will lead to those things, all the more wonderful a season this will be. In past years I've felt like my life has been on hold and now I can be more purposeful about finding and walking out the things he'd have for me — hopefully here but if I need to move, hopefully wherever I go. All of this makes me nervous but I know Christ is with me and in him, I can survive and thrive in the season of unknown around the corner.... My desire is to grow in him and I pray that this happens in great abundance over the this season.
A few days later, I sit unemployed and looking at job postings. Many are in far away places and I'm fine with moving but in many respects, I don't want to move on. In many respects moving on seems like something that would be paralyzing and come at the wrong time.... I finally have time for art, pursuing God and relationships, and most importantly, I finally have met someone I really like and I think that it's safe to say we're dating. Beyond the anxiety, this could be a really good season to stay in Columbus for... with the sole exception of the whole employment thing. The number of choices seem crippling and everything being up in the air (thinking about moving again) at the same time seems at times as if it is too much to bear. While in school, the directive was simple: pay money (loans), do the work well, pass classes, work internships, and graduate. Now, it is get a job (more outside of my control than I'm usually comfortable with) and live life. There's little structure and lots of ambiguity.
I don't like this place but I know that this is the place where faith grows. This is the place where I need to come to Jesus in prayer and ask, Lord — what should I do? In many respects, I don't expect a bright neon sign or an audible voice but the Lord has been clear with me about such things before and he can do so again. If anything is apparent over the past few years, pursuing what he wants for me is the best thing that I can do in my life. In many aspects I have dreams and aspirations and though I do believe God moves and works through those things as well, I believe he has plans and processes that he moves us through to mature us, to draw us closer to him, to help us increase in the measure of Christ-likeness. If this is a time that will lead to those things, all the more wonderful a season this will be. In past years I've felt like my life has been on hold and now I can be more purposeful about finding and walking out the things he'd have for me — hopefully here but if I need to move, hopefully wherever I go. All of this makes me nervous but I know Christ is with me and in him, I can survive and thrive in the season of unknown around the corner.... My desire is to grow in him and I pray that this happens in great abundance over the this season.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Finishing up in Style (3 days until the ceremony!)
I'm done. It would be a sweeter feeling if I didn't feel so hung-over from the marathon session of final projects and commitments for the quarter — including an all-nighter and not eating food for almost 30 hours.
Things with one of my studio courses got so far out of whack that I barely had enough time to prepare for a final exam and didn't have enough time to complete my group project (second studio) in another class. Due at midnight Tuesday, it was delivered in full by 3pm Wednesday. Luckily, I have profs who can be okay with things like that. This is all done now... sure in a few weeks I'll be revisiting that project and trying to turn it into something I can be proud of but for now I'm done.
And the Lord was with me. I so wanted to quit and I so wanted to give up this whole week. There were times when I thought I was headed toward disaster, times when I was accused of doing bad things, times when I thought I might lose my "manlihood" — or at least this is what it all felt like. In the end, the Lord was protecting and making sure that I would get done. He made my group project, which relied upon the highly buggy and unstable CommunityViz plug-in for ArcGIS, finally start working okay after days of work and losing progress, etc.
Today, I clean -- laundry is in the wash, stuff is getting cleaned up, I shaved, I showered (first time in 48+ hrs). I'm getting a haircut later today -- like the man who comes out of the wilderness, I'm getting a haircut (needed since I haven't had one in like 5 or 6 weeks) and trying to get back some sense of normalcy in my life, or at least appearance.
Well, thank you all who were praying for me and I hope to see some of you tonight at small-group. Bests to all and I hope this will be a great summer of growing closer to God, experiencing new freedom in multiple realms, and hopefully this will include employment as well...
God Bless and have a great day,
Eric
Things with one of my studio courses got so far out of whack that I barely had enough time to prepare for a final exam and didn't have enough time to complete my group project (second studio) in another class. Due at midnight Tuesday, it was delivered in full by 3pm Wednesday. Luckily, I have profs who can be okay with things like that. This is all done now... sure in a few weeks I'll be revisiting that project and trying to turn it into something I can be proud of but for now I'm done.
And the Lord was with me. I so wanted to quit and I so wanted to give up this whole week. There were times when I thought I was headed toward disaster, times when I was accused of doing bad things, times when I thought I might lose my "manlihood" — or at least this is what it all felt like. In the end, the Lord was protecting and making sure that I would get done. He made my group project, which relied upon the highly buggy and unstable CommunityViz plug-in for ArcGIS, finally start working okay after days of work and losing progress, etc.
Today, I clean -- laundry is in the wash, stuff is getting cleaned up, I shaved, I showered (first time in 48+ hrs). I'm getting a haircut later today -- like the man who comes out of the wilderness, I'm getting a haircut (needed since I haven't had one in like 5 or 6 weeks) and trying to get back some sense of normalcy in my life, or at least appearance.
Well, thank you all who were praying for me and I hope to see some of you tonight at small-group. Bests to all and I hope this will be a great summer of growing closer to God, experiencing new freedom in multiple realms, and hopefully this will include employment as well...
God Bless and have a great day,
Eric
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
19 days until I graduate — praise Jesus!
Praise you Jesus for I graduate in 19 days and it is time to move on with the rest of your life for me. I don't know what awaits but I know you'll be there, you love me, and I trust that you are good and that you will provide!
Of course 19 days is a long time and it's not over yet. Things are getting downright murderous in response to problems and delays in one of my courses. The others are difficult and will become issues soon enough. So I take a couple minutes to chill out, post a post and maybe pray some.
I am realizing that I am completely dependent upon the good work of the Lord to bring about the change that I desire in my life. I will not be able to change my heart, change my attractions from evil to good, change my desires from bad things to things that are of the Lord! I can accomplish none of this but with Christ, all of these things are possible! I will try to be obedient and position myself and I pray that he will heal and change and transform — He will receive the Glory! He is worth of Praise! Oh my soul aches because his work regarding key things is not complete in me — but I can have hope because I know he makes all things new. Praise Jesus that I do not stand condemned but that I stand as friend and that he loves me oh so much.
Oh, I long to know and love the Father more and more. Oh, I long to know the Spirit all the more — his warm touch and embrace, better than any high. Oh, I wish that I felt you daily, that I would hear your voice daily. I feel like I am one of those who will perish for lack of knowledge, lack of faith — Lord, give me that faith! give me that Trust! These are but gifts that you apportion, increase my faith, increase my trust! Sustain me today, help me grow in you.
And Lord, please provide me a job — a way to pay for the indebtedness that I should have never shouldered. Owned by the debt, I ask you provide a way for me to release this from my yoke — principally, I ask that you'd give me a job for which I can work and try to release the debt quickly.
Of course 19 days is a long time and it's not over yet. Things are getting downright murderous in response to problems and delays in one of my courses. The others are difficult and will become issues soon enough. So I take a couple minutes to chill out, post a post and maybe pray some.
I am realizing that I am completely dependent upon the good work of the Lord to bring about the change that I desire in my life. I will not be able to change my heart, change my attractions from evil to good, change my desires from bad things to things that are of the Lord! I can accomplish none of this but with Christ, all of these things are possible! I will try to be obedient and position myself and I pray that he will heal and change and transform — He will receive the Glory! He is worth of Praise! Oh my soul aches because his work regarding key things is not complete in me — but I can have hope because I know he makes all things new. Praise Jesus that I do not stand condemned but that I stand as friend and that he loves me oh so much.
Oh, I long to know and love the Father more and more. Oh, I long to know the Spirit all the more — his warm touch and embrace, better than any high. Oh, I wish that I felt you daily, that I would hear your voice daily. I feel like I am one of those who will perish for lack of knowledge, lack of faith — Lord, give me that faith! give me that Trust! These are but gifts that you apportion, increase my faith, increase my trust! Sustain me today, help me grow in you.
And Lord, please provide me a job — a way to pay for the indebtedness that I should have never shouldered. Owned by the debt, I ask you provide a way for me to release this from my yoke — principally, I ask that you'd give me a job for which I can work and try to release the debt quickly.
Monday, May 11, 2009
What can I say?
Lord, I declare again that I am yours. You know the wayward ways of my heart and all that I can say is that I am wrong, I am sorry (on some level) and that I eagerly desire you to continue sanctifying me, changing my heart, making me want to love and honor you more.
On a lighter note, I met a girl. Actually I've known her for a while — she laughs at my jokes, I feel all funny inside when I'm around her. I think she's cute and she told me that she really likes me as well. This is all weird and new to me — I've never dated anyone before. I'm struggling to understand how I feel and what all of this means. I wish it was straight forward but it's all complicated — not with her but with me. I know that's a cliché but it seems so true right now. Perhaps it is the enemy, perhaps it is fear . . . Lord I need clarity, I need your guidance.
Beyond that, comps went okay. I hope I passed. I'm really at the mercy of my instructors. The job hunt is slow and I don't really have a lot of time for it right now. For now, Lord, I need you to guide my path, get me a job, give me direction. Lord, lead me to do my part and you do the rest.
Praise you father
On a lighter note, I met a girl. Actually I've known her for a while — she laughs at my jokes, I feel all funny inside when I'm around her. I think she's cute and she told me that she really likes me as well. This is all weird and new to me — I've never dated anyone before. I'm struggling to understand how I feel and what all of this means. I wish it was straight forward but it's all complicated — not with her but with me. I know that's a cliché but it seems so true right now. Perhaps it is the enemy, perhaps it is fear . . . Lord I need clarity, I need your guidance.
Beyond that, comps went okay. I hope I passed. I'm really at the mercy of my instructors. The job hunt is slow and I don't really have a lot of time for it right now. For now, Lord, I need you to guide my path, get me a job, give me direction. Lord, lead me to do my part and you do the rest.
Praise you father
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Back from APA
Back from the conference in Minneapolis — the conference I thought I would get a job at. And, there were 28 positions available, 7 for interns and more than half for senior or upper level people. Knowing one must buy a lotto ticket to win, I left four resumés and tried to have a good time during the rest of the conference.
I arrived back to Columbus tired and deluged with a ton of work and studying. Comps is in 8 days and I have virtually no studying done, I have classwork for three courses that needs attention, and then there's the fretting about my living situation, jobs, and continual flow of bills and bad news that weighs me down. Praise God for being there and loving us and not leaving because life can really suck some times and I know I haven't seen the half of it yet. $53k in the hole and a seemingly non-existent job market does wonders for instilling hope in the next class of graduates.
Jokingly, the swine flu seems to be the one thing that will be good for the job market as it may thin out competition or create openings — however you'd like to say it. When I made the joke to a friend, I immediately realized that it wasn't all that funny but things can seem so bleak now that one knows there's three ways out of this, either the economy will grow or you or I will have to no longer be looking for work and there's only a few ways that happens — usually disability or death. I'm sure 2008 and 2009 will be record years for suicide — the question is who will outlast the weakest? Even if we survive, we've got years of debt that only our children will be able ("hope"-fully) pay off.... Obama's indentured servitude to be placed on the second and third generation. To be fair, Obama didn't cause this but he ain't helping it either. Now seems like a great time to find a third-world nation or slice of the West to settle down in and go off the grid, get to the simple life, focus on what's important — Jesus and blessing those around you.
I arrived back to Columbus tired and deluged with a ton of work and studying. Comps is in 8 days and I have virtually no studying done, I have classwork for three courses that needs attention, and then there's the fretting about my living situation, jobs, and continual flow of bills and bad news that weighs me down. Praise God for being there and loving us and not leaving because life can really suck some times and I know I haven't seen the half of it yet. $53k in the hole and a seemingly non-existent job market does wonders for instilling hope in the next class of graduates.
Jokingly, the swine flu seems to be the one thing that will be good for the job market as it may thin out competition or create openings — however you'd like to say it. When I made the joke to a friend, I immediately realized that it wasn't all that funny but things can seem so bleak now that one knows there's three ways out of this, either the economy will grow or you or I will have to no longer be looking for work and there's only a few ways that happens — usually disability or death. I'm sure 2008 and 2009 will be record years for suicide — the question is who will outlast the weakest? Even if we survive, we've got years of debt that only our children will be able ("hope"-fully) pay off.... Obama's indentured servitude to be placed on the second and third generation. To be fair, Obama didn't cause this but he ain't helping it either. Now seems like a great time to find a third-world nation or slice of the West to settle down in and go off the grid, get to the simple life, focus on what's important — Jesus and blessing those around you.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Changes
So yesterday I found my bible and journal, both lost for at least six weeks. They were in a box in the basement. I found them just two days after I finally broke down and bought a new bible — a NASB.
Life is difficult and yet at times I question how I could think that. Not sure if I just like the pity or if my opinion on things is just always askew. Regardless, I've got a fair amount of work I could and should be doing, plus studying for a comp exam, updating my resume, creating a visual resume to do. I'm going to a conference in 10 days and I hope to get myself a job. After then, I'll be applying everywhere though sometimes I think I really don't want to move on.
Moving on means opportunity and new people, places, challenges, community. I'm okay with that but my prayer is that something would work out here. That I could find a job and hopefully a job where I get to be creative and really address issues, problems, challenges, adversity. I'm tired of inventing problems and trying to find solutions for them — and maybe those efforts will result in a business but as for right now, I've got to graduate and figure out how to make some coin.
Oh Lord, I need you and I want to be with you. I know you are near, I know you love me. Lord, please keep working on my heart and keep transforming it to be like yours, to be so desperately in love with you. Help me fall in love with your Word and in spending time with you. Help me to see your path for redemption in the people and the things that seem so fallen to me, the churches that seem so dysfunctional. Give me a hope and a desire to pray for your transformation of it all, to see your Glory come through the renovation and restoration of it all. Give me a heart of love and patience and grace for those who so annoy me, for those I would rather ignore, for those I'd rather defame, steal from, etc. Lord, get me a job here or in Ohio or the midwest — please! Help me know that you are near and that you won't leave me and have plans to prosper me.
Your son,
Eric
Life is difficult and yet at times I question how I could think that. Not sure if I just like the pity or if my opinion on things is just always askew. Regardless, I've got a fair amount of work I could and should be doing, plus studying for a comp exam, updating my resume, creating a visual resume to do. I'm going to a conference in 10 days and I hope to get myself a job. After then, I'll be applying everywhere though sometimes I think I really don't want to move on.
Moving on means opportunity and new people, places, challenges, community. I'm okay with that but my prayer is that something would work out here. That I could find a job and hopefully a job where I get to be creative and really address issues, problems, challenges, adversity. I'm tired of inventing problems and trying to find solutions for them — and maybe those efforts will result in a business but as for right now, I've got to graduate and figure out how to make some coin.
Oh Lord, I need you and I want to be with you. I know you are near, I know you love me. Lord, please keep working on my heart and keep transforming it to be like yours, to be so desperately in love with you. Help me fall in love with your Word and in spending time with you. Help me to see your path for redemption in the people and the things that seem so fallen to me, the churches that seem so dysfunctional. Give me a hope and a desire to pray for your transformation of it all, to see your Glory come through the renovation and restoration of it all. Give me a heart of love and patience and grace for those who so annoy me, for those I would rather ignore, for those I'd rather defame, steal from, etc. Lord, get me a job here or in Ohio or the midwest — please! Help me know that you are near and that you won't leave me and have plans to prosper me.
Your son,
Eric
Monday, March 23, 2009
Lord, please help
Things are blah and I still feel like I'm trying to live apart from Jesus. It doesn't work well but I try anyway. The sin isn't really worth it but when you're stuck in malaise, it is so hard to break out. Jesus is with me and forgiveness and restoration is a prayer away. God knows I am sorry and sad but obedience and a desire to fellowship seems beyond me — a lie of the enemy that still rings true with my heart.
As a friend said, just tell God that you love him and want him to do as he will so here it is. Lord, I love you and so desperately desire that you would change my heart and make me want to glorify you with my all of my mind, body, soul and strength, that I in my entirety and everything that I would do bring you Glory and that, in your grace, I would have relationship. Lord, I love you and need you to save me from this death spiral I find myself in — I know that your grace is for the sake of relationship and permission to do whatever I desire, something that I know is blasphemy.
As a friend said, just tell God that you love him and want him to do as he will so here it is. Lord, I love you and so desperately desire that you would change my heart and make me want to glorify you with my all of my mind, body, soul and strength, that I in my entirety and everything that I would do bring you Glory and that, in your grace, I would have relationship. Lord, I love you and need you to save me from this death spiral I find myself in — I know that your grace is for the sake of relationship and permission to do whatever I desire, something that I know is blasphemy.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Backsliding
Jesus, please have mercy on me a sinner.
Father, the past two weeks have seen me grow colder and number to you and your quiet voice. I've sought to worship other things — I've been absorbed by compulsion and false hopes. I've been distracted by the illusion of satisfaction in anything other than you Father. As horrible as it always seems, today is the first Sunday of the month so Communion is being prepared as I contemplate my sin and ask for forgiveness and yet seemingly never really change the way I act, never really try to be obedient. Father, you know where I'm at and you know it isn't my fault that I'm in this world that is so sexualized, that is so full of distractions. Yet, I am accountable for how I respond to this world, how I choose to reject or embrace the traps and the enemy that seeks to entangle me. I do not heed your warnings, I do not try to stay away from the thoughts, the things, the demons that lead me to death and destruction.
For all of this and more, I'm sorry Lord. I don't know what I do, I don't know how I desecrate my soul, I don't know how much I pain you when I sin, and sin, and sin some more just in a day. If I'm not overtly sinning by over-spending, over-eating, masturbating, entertaining lustful thoughts, and the like, then I'm being judgmental, prideful, and bearing false witness. Seldom O' Father, do I simply run to you and try to be in your arms, hear what you would have to say to me, retreat into your Word. Seldom O' Lord, do I seek to walk in obedience, service, and friendship. Change me Lord, make my heart bend toward you, may I realize a deep relationship in you where I surrender my whole heart, mind, body, and strength to your will and purposes, to obedience and love of you and your ways. Have your way O' Lord — may it not be about me but may it be completely and totally about you, about your glory, about seeing me lowered and you raised up.... From dust I have come and to dust I shall return, until that day that you shall call me to serve and worship you forever Lord.
Father, the past two weeks have seen me grow colder and number to you and your quiet voice. I've sought to worship other things — I've been absorbed by compulsion and false hopes. I've been distracted by the illusion of satisfaction in anything other than you Father. As horrible as it always seems, today is the first Sunday of the month so Communion is being prepared as I contemplate my sin and ask for forgiveness and yet seemingly never really change the way I act, never really try to be obedient. Father, you know where I'm at and you know it isn't my fault that I'm in this world that is so sexualized, that is so full of distractions. Yet, I am accountable for how I respond to this world, how I choose to reject or embrace the traps and the enemy that seeks to entangle me. I do not heed your warnings, I do not try to stay away from the thoughts, the things, the demons that lead me to death and destruction.
For all of this and more, I'm sorry Lord. I don't know what I do, I don't know how I desecrate my soul, I don't know how much I pain you when I sin, and sin, and sin some more just in a day. If I'm not overtly sinning by over-spending, over-eating, masturbating, entertaining lustful thoughts, and the like, then I'm being judgmental, prideful, and bearing false witness. Seldom O' Father, do I simply run to you and try to be in your arms, hear what you would have to say to me, retreat into your Word. Seldom O' Lord, do I seek to walk in obedience, service, and friendship. Change me Lord, make my heart bend toward you, may I realize a deep relationship in you where I surrender my whole heart, mind, body, and strength to your will and purposes, to obedience and love of you and your ways. Have your way O' Lord — may it not be about me but may it be completely and totally about you, about your glory, about seeing me lowered and you raised up.... From dust I have come and to dust I shall return, until that day that you shall call me to serve and worship you forever Lord.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Nice Photography
A nice flash video from The Dispatch. I hope to make some similar presentations and link them....
Friday, February 13, 2009
What's going on
So maybe I have more of a reason to update this thing given that I linked it to Facebook but obviously, it's just one of the million things striving for my attention. This week was fun including cooking for 30 on the same day I had a public finance midterm while within the past 48 hours I had a mild allergic reaction to my antibiotic (which resulted in an ER visit) and, well, lots and lots of being stressed out.
And so I have a list of people I haven't talked to that's a mile long. I have a thing at the church that I thought about going to tonight. I've scheduled sabbath times for the past 6 weeks and largely ignored them. I've got laundry in the wash that just ended that needs to be put in the dryer. I think I'm starting to get a headache. I'm supposed to watch Battlestar Galactica with friends tonight. I'm needing food and, well, needing to take a rest and hopefully it will be in that order.... I think I need to chill out.
For those I haven't seen for a while, know I love you and I'm very busy and freaking out. I dropped my second major, am trying to graduate in the Spring, which means I'm taking comps and going to APA while one of the courses covered in my comps will not be completed until after I finish comps (slightly freaking me out as if I fail comps, I would be delayed in my graduation). The meds I'm on right now aren't really helping any of this and on that note, I think I'm going to take a break.
I had a good counseling session on Tuesday. I really think I might have made more of a breakthrough and its pretty sweet. I've got three healing prayers to share.
1) Soccer: I remembered feeling different and inferior at a soccer practice. We're standing around and I just really felt like something was wrong. Jesus comes into the memory and lines us up. He starts touching boys on their heads and they look up to him and he moves down the line and he touches me and tells me I am just like the rest of these boys, I am loved and valued by Him.
2) Lunch Room: I felt alone and separated from the group. Jesus comes to sit down next to me and starts to weep for he knows how lonely I feel. I feel that I know Jesus is close and that he feels my pain. He tells me that he has been there and that he is with me.
3) Stepping out of the gunk: I have a vision of myself standing in wet concrete up to my mid-calf. Though Jesus has at times asked me to step out and in other times has picked me up and pulled me out of the concrete, I keep getting back in. I felt like the concrete was something that I poured around myself in the hopes that it would get hard and I would be prevented from escaping it and following the Lord. I felt like it was the result of the anger and hatred for God that erupted in my life during the depression and faith crisis that swallowed the end of the summer of my Junior year. Closer prayer revealed the concrete was really some other stuff. I looked at it and I thought it was porn. My counselor who was praying with me thought she saw snakes (yes, freaky). She leads me in a prayer to encourage me to step out of the stuff and I do. After this prayer, I feel light and free and like something's really happened. My counselor sees him lead me to a picnic table with my future wife. I hear him say that He desires to use me to bring hope to the captives and to free the prisoners. Absolutely powerful and amazing.
Those are some updates and I wish I could say more but I have laundry to do...
And so I have a list of people I haven't talked to that's a mile long. I have a thing at the church that I thought about going to tonight. I've scheduled sabbath times for the past 6 weeks and largely ignored them. I've got laundry in the wash that just ended that needs to be put in the dryer. I think I'm starting to get a headache. I'm supposed to watch Battlestar Galactica with friends tonight. I'm needing food and, well, needing to take a rest and hopefully it will be in that order.... I think I need to chill out.
For those I haven't seen for a while, know I love you and I'm very busy and freaking out. I dropped my second major, am trying to graduate in the Spring, which means I'm taking comps and going to APA while one of the courses covered in my comps will not be completed until after I finish comps (slightly freaking me out as if I fail comps, I would be delayed in my graduation). The meds I'm on right now aren't really helping any of this and on that note, I think I'm going to take a break.
I had a good counseling session on Tuesday. I really think I might have made more of a breakthrough and its pretty sweet. I've got three healing prayers to share.
1) Soccer: I remembered feeling different and inferior at a soccer practice. We're standing around and I just really felt like something was wrong. Jesus comes into the memory and lines us up. He starts touching boys on their heads and they look up to him and he moves down the line and he touches me and tells me I am just like the rest of these boys, I am loved and valued by Him.
2) Lunch Room: I felt alone and separated from the group. Jesus comes to sit down next to me and starts to weep for he knows how lonely I feel. I feel that I know Jesus is close and that he feels my pain. He tells me that he has been there and that he is with me.
3) Stepping out of the gunk: I have a vision of myself standing in wet concrete up to my mid-calf. Though Jesus has at times asked me to step out and in other times has picked me up and pulled me out of the concrete, I keep getting back in. I felt like the concrete was something that I poured around myself in the hopes that it would get hard and I would be prevented from escaping it and following the Lord. I felt like it was the result of the anger and hatred for God that erupted in my life during the depression and faith crisis that swallowed the end of the summer of my Junior year. Closer prayer revealed the concrete was really some other stuff. I looked at it and I thought it was porn. My counselor who was praying with me thought she saw snakes (yes, freaky). She leads me in a prayer to encourage me to step out of the stuff and I do. After this prayer, I feel light and free and like something's really happened. My counselor sees him lead me to a picnic table with my future wife. I hear him say that He desires to use me to bring hope to the captives and to free the prisoners. Absolutely powerful and amazing.
Those are some updates and I wish I could say more but I have laundry to do...
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Linked to Facebook?!?
So I know this information is accessible and recorded for posterity and I worry not because I have nothing to hide. Though this is the case, for the second time, I'll have a blog connected to facebook or otherwise findable with my real name. This is a little scary given that a) relatives found my last blog and freaked out that I might want to be pastor (I know, a really crazy thing when they're dems who know not God), and b) I need to get hired at some point. To be fair, the link is available so friends (with some exceptions) can find it but maybe I won't just write for nothing — that is beyond Jesus who I am sure reads my rambles.
Generation Me
I don't have much time to type and I'll expound on this later but today we watched the documentary IOUSA in class and wow. It isn't as if I didn't know our deficit was big but I guess it's bigger than I ever thought. Maybe I should move to China in about, um, now.... and I can catch the wave. Anyway, I started thinking about this as the generation me affect. Yes, there's a book with the same title and this is unrelated.
We (everyone younger than 35) learned very well from the baby boomers how we should live our lives. With the thrust to get rid of conservatism and usher in the sexual revolution, generation me (baby boomers) taught us how to live. After the right to pursue sex, drug use, divorces, and debt, things are going better right? Now, their spawn is a generation that believes experimenting with same sex is something cool to do in high school (though probably in middle school or younger). These children are more empowered and yet empty, depressed (the real message of the book Generation Me: Why Today's Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled--and More Miserable Than Ever Before ).
This country is on a collision course with destruction. We've lost our way on almost every front and yet, for some reason, people are oblivious. It's time to wake up America, its time we realize that we are the last, best hope for democracy and freedom. Our challenges over the next 8 years are:
1) re-establishing freedom,
2) cutting the debt and entitlements (federal and personal), and
3) addressing global warming.
If we can do these three, we can be okay but at this rate, we'll be toast if we don't see change soon and to make change, we need to start one foot at a time. I am under no dilution, I know that politics is not the answer (Jesus is) but ultimately it is the dimension we need results in if we're going to see change, real change toward a conservative and responsible government. We've got to make it popular to save, popular to help each other, popular to embrace values that have guided our nation. We've got to try to stop this train wreck (no values, no cash, no capacity to fight, no industry to build, no leadership, no country to defend)! At some point, it's just going to be what I want and nothing more. Bankers, terrorist, and the Chinese will not be giving you an Xbox360 and ask you to stay out of the way. No, if they could, they'd repo your box, put a bullet in your head, and/or give you a shovel and get your ass to work — respectively.
I wish and I hope Obama could be that man, who helps lead us out of this, but so far we're seeing more of the same and this time it especially hurts because some of us really thought that he'd bring the change he promised. Seeing stimulus bills that are full of pork and democratic wish-list items (usually one in the same) at a time like this is, well, very very disappointing. This is what I'd expect from the Bush administration and this is what we hoped would not come from the Obama administration. All I can say is that I was going to vote for him but on the day that matters, I chose not to vote for the populist, verging on fascistic candidate. Perhaps my words are harsh but when a man can do no wrong in the eyes of so many and the media, it makes me nervous and it should make you nervous as well.
We (everyone younger than 35) learned very well from the baby boomers how we should live our lives. With the thrust to get rid of conservatism and usher in the sexual revolution, generation me (baby boomers) taught us how to live. After the right to pursue sex, drug use, divorces, and debt, things are going better right? Now, their spawn is a generation that believes experimenting with same sex is something cool to do in high school (though probably in middle school or younger). These children are more empowered and yet empty, depressed (the real message of the book Generation Me: Why Today's Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled--and More Miserable Than Ever Before ).
This country is on a collision course with destruction. We've lost our way on almost every front and yet, for some reason, people are oblivious. It's time to wake up America, its time we realize that we are the last, best hope for democracy and freedom. Our challenges over the next 8 years are:
1) re-establishing freedom,
2) cutting the debt and entitlements (federal and personal), and
3) addressing global warming.
If we can do these three, we can be okay but at this rate, we'll be toast if we don't see change soon and to make change, we need to start one foot at a time. I am under no dilution, I know that politics is not the answer (Jesus is) but ultimately it is the dimension we need results in if we're going to see change, real change toward a conservative and responsible government. We've got to make it popular to save, popular to help each other, popular to embrace values that have guided our nation. We've got to try to stop this train wreck (no values, no cash, no capacity to fight, no industry to build, no leadership, no country to defend)! At some point, it's just going to be what I want and nothing more. Bankers, terrorist, and the Chinese will not be giving you an Xbox360 and ask you to stay out of the way. No, if they could, they'd repo your box, put a bullet in your head, and/or give you a shovel and get your ass to work — respectively.
I wish and I hope Obama could be that man, who helps lead us out of this, but so far we're seeing more of the same and this time it especially hurts because some of us really thought that he'd bring the change he promised. Seeing stimulus bills that are full of pork and democratic wish-list items (usually one in the same) at a time like this is, well, very very disappointing. This is what I'd expect from the Bush administration and this is what we hoped would not come from the Obama administration. All I can say is that I was going to vote for him but on the day that matters, I chose not to vote for the populist, verging on fascistic candidate. Perhaps my words are harsh but when a man can do no wrong in the eyes of so many and the media, it makes me nervous and it should make you nervous as well.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Brokenness does not wait for an opportune time
Friends, can I tell you that brokenness does not wait for an opportune time? That when God knocks, you will answer. It started with a debilitating amount of senioritis and procrastination — I just simply didn't want to do what I needed to do. Rather than work on an assignment for my program evaluation course, I just couldn't stop thinking about how bad I wanted out of the program, out of school and away from this stuff. I hate it. I started freaking out, called a few friends. One called back. Fighting back tears, I had to admit that I feel like I'm going crazy and that I feel like I am a total failure and doomed to unemployment because I just can't do this one assignment — by far one of the hardest I've had at Ohio State. My friend tried to tell me that it was just an assignment, just a class and he was right but the thing was that I had built my worth on the idea that I was going to double master at OSU, that I was going to have these two pieces of paper that would mean more than the next guy and help me get jobs that would pay money and make me happy because I wouldn't be sitting around drowning in debt and despair. Motivated by fear, I felt like I was making a safe choice to try for something higher. And like that, the cards crumbled.
That was yesterday — this is today. Today, I went to work and then skipped this class I want to drop. Finally called the student health center about an appointment to get a boil or cyst removed from my gluteal cleft. Today is Monday, the next appointment is Friday (WTF?!?!). I was instructed that I could go to an urgent care I went to an urgent care center, and I did only to find an hour long wait. At a second urgent care, I got into a room within 15 minutes and was laying face-down and naked on a table. The doctor started pushing on the spot, asking me where it hurt the most and, tell you the truth, it didn't hurt as much as it does when I sit. I'm not sure why but I got the feeling that I'm making a big deal out of nothing. He told me he couldn't figure out where it is specifically (so he could cut it open and drain it) so I should take antibiotics and pain killers and come back in 10 days or sooner if it starts to hurt more, gets larger, or doesn't go away.
For the rest of the day, I've done virtually nothing and it feels great. Later, I'll start working on an assignment due Thursday but tonight I'm going to hang out with a friend and it will be smashing. Tomorrow, two classes, one of which we'll watch a movie in and then I'll work more on my assignment.
You know, I hate public policy and if I'm making the wrong decision, it costs me a year where I work somewhere and then take classes for the quarter that I need and then I'm gone. No big deal — but for now, it's not something I want to put myself through on a whim or a fear of not succeeding, of not getting a job, of failing. Jesus is the one who defines me and no one and not anything else. At this point (quarter #20 at OSU), I need out and I need a job. I pray God will provide and I'm willing to follow his lead, move or whatever I need to do to get that job and I pray the Lord will provide.
...And if no dice, one may just ask Obama, where's my bailout?
That was yesterday — this is today. Today, I went to work and then skipped this class I want to drop. Finally called the student health center about an appointment to get a boil or cyst removed from my gluteal cleft. Today is Monday, the next appointment is Friday (WTF?!?!). I was instructed that I could go to an urgent care I went to an urgent care center, and I did only to find an hour long wait. At a second urgent care, I got into a room within 15 minutes and was laying face-down and naked on a table. The doctor started pushing on the spot, asking me where it hurt the most and, tell you the truth, it didn't hurt as much as it does when I sit. I'm not sure why but I got the feeling that I'm making a big deal out of nothing. He told me he couldn't figure out where it is specifically (so he could cut it open and drain it) so I should take antibiotics and pain killers and come back in 10 days or sooner if it starts to hurt more, gets larger, or doesn't go away.
For the rest of the day, I've done virtually nothing and it feels great. Later, I'll start working on an assignment due Thursday but tonight I'm going to hang out with a friend and it will be smashing. Tomorrow, two classes, one of which we'll watch a movie in and then I'll work more on my assignment.
You know, I hate public policy and if I'm making the wrong decision, it costs me a year where I work somewhere and then take classes for the quarter that I need and then I'm gone. No big deal — but for now, it's not something I want to put myself through on a whim or a fear of not succeeding, of not getting a job, of failing. Jesus is the one who defines me and no one and not anything else. At this point (quarter #20 at OSU), I need out and I need a job. I pray God will provide and I'm willing to follow his lead, move or whatever I need to do to get that job and I pray the Lord will provide.
...And if no dice, one may just ask Obama, where's my bailout?
Thursday, January 29, 2009
To clear up confusion
I think my blogs and the words of my mouth may look and sound like I am very critical of my church and of others. If you read these words, you may think that I paint with a broad stroke and probably failed coloring in elementary school. I in fact love to color but am not so good at painting so please excuse my mess.
First of all, many of my comments are reflective of...
1) my experiences,
2) the media I listen to, and
3) the people I talk to
Second, I would like to think that my opinions are normative, that is, imply the way things should be done. Many of my statements are negative (and this needs to be worked on) so one should infer the normative goal is the opposite of the negative statements. For example, if I would say "the Gospel message is not being taught" one should infer that the normative message is that the Gospel message must be taught, it should be so clear that it is being taught, and people clearly realize that it is of value.
Though I wish I knew and understood more, I understand enough that God is the one true God and that he is chiefly about protecting and increasing his Glory! This God is apart of the Holy Trinity, including Jesus Christ who was born of a virgin, was sinless, became sin and died on a cross to be resurrected and now sits at the right hand of the Father. That the third member of the Trinity is the Holy Ghost and I believe he lives inside of me and every other person who has Faith in Jesus Christ. I believe the Holy Scriptures are infallible and complete Word of God and that they are Truth. I believe that the Church is Jesus' bride as described in the scriptures and that we, as believers, are to find our place in this body of believers. I believe there is an enemy that seeks to steal God's Glory and destroy the Church. I believe that he hotly pursues me and eagerly desires to see me fall and to steal the Glory of the Father, defaming what he has created and bought on the Cross. I believe that I will not be snatched up by this enemy for, having my life and eternity hid with Christ, nothing can separate me from Jesus Christ and an eternity with him. I believe this world is fallen but that it is very much loved and very much in play. I believe that the Father loves this world, everyone who lives in it and that salvation is available for all who would turn and call upon the Father's name and welcome Him into their hearts. I believe this is not something that can be forced onto those who are hostile and that it is in fact God himself who is the giver of the Gift of Faith.
Some of these things may be off and I pray and hope that it will be the Holy Spirit at work through his quiet Voice or his loud Word to correct me in his timing. I could have chose any number of recognized creeds but this is mine — for now. There are many things I still don't know but this won't stop me from having faith in the things I do know, chiefly that I am loved by the Father and that I love Him. I was lost and now I am found. I still struggle with many things in my life but I have strength and can find a measure of freedom because He has given me both — truly all that I will ever need.
The message is Love, Truth, Hope, Redemption, Freedom. This world needs the Truth of the Word of God, this world needs Jesus Christ! Our churches need to be bastions of teaching and preaching, of discipleship and the like. The world is a very, very dark place and we need to be lights. We are not lights by lowering our standards and succumbing to the world, by thinking that getting people in the door is what really matters. Our standard, our hope is so much higher and more simple than just getting people to "hear" the message. We simply need to do what the Spirit leads us to do. That's it. The Spirit will soften our hearts to have the mind and heart of Christ, the voice of Christ, the love of Christ and as this happens, we must be obedient to move as led. Church is where we are taught and where we worship God. Church is not (necessarily) where we try to make Christ and Christian living and community look attractive to those in the world who are hungry. We've got to teach people how to fish, not just feed them for today (with idols).
I say this clearly, there is a purpose for the Church, for a small group, for friendships, for life, for relationship with Christ, for one's view and relationship with one's self and they are all to bring Glory to the Father. They also have individual purposes and we must make sure that these purposes are not ignored or forgotten. The church needs to fulfill its role as one that proclaims the Gospel, worships God, and is a source of correct doctrine and corrective teaching, one who exercises discipline and builds disciples. Our performance metric is not a matter of size but rather whether or not we are acheving our core mission.
In this age, the church needs correction and let us not be so proud, arrogant or ignorant that ignore the call for reform. Though I should not be the one to apply it, I pray God raises up someone who will, a modern-day Paul who can tell them to expel the immoral brother and false teaching while encouraging the Church draw near to Christ and be true to its callings. My friends, the call is urgent as false teachings are here and persecution is coming. Believe me brothers and sisters, clouds and dark days are on the horizon. Though our destinys' are hid with Christ, there is still the potential for much pain and suffering, for ungrounded believers to be washed away, for whole denominations to be slide into obscurity, or worse, collaborate with the enemy. You have been warned.
First of all, many of my comments are reflective of...
1) my experiences,
2) the media I listen to, and
3) the people I talk to
Second, I would like to think that my opinions are normative, that is, imply the way things should be done. Many of my statements are negative (and this needs to be worked on) so one should infer the normative goal is the opposite of the negative statements. For example, if I would say "the Gospel message is not being taught" one should infer that the normative message is that the Gospel message must be taught, it should be so clear that it is being taught, and people clearly realize that it is of value.
Though I wish I knew and understood more, I understand enough that God is the one true God and that he is chiefly about protecting and increasing his Glory! This God is apart of the Holy Trinity, including Jesus Christ who was born of a virgin, was sinless, became sin and died on a cross to be resurrected and now sits at the right hand of the Father. That the third member of the Trinity is the Holy Ghost and I believe he lives inside of me and every other person who has Faith in Jesus Christ. I believe the Holy Scriptures are infallible and complete Word of God and that they are Truth. I believe that the Church is Jesus' bride as described in the scriptures and that we, as believers, are to find our place in this body of believers. I believe there is an enemy that seeks to steal God's Glory and destroy the Church. I believe that he hotly pursues me and eagerly desires to see me fall and to steal the Glory of the Father, defaming what he has created and bought on the Cross. I believe that I will not be snatched up by this enemy for, having my life and eternity hid with Christ, nothing can separate me from Jesus Christ and an eternity with him. I believe this world is fallen but that it is very much loved and very much in play. I believe that the Father loves this world, everyone who lives in it and that salvation is available for all who would turn and call upon the Father's name and welcome Him into their hearts. I believe this is not something that can be forced onto those who are hostile and that it is in fact God himself who is the giver of the Gift of Faith.
Some of these things may be off and I pray and hope that it will be the Holy Spirit at work through his quiet Voice or his loud Word to correct me in his timing. I could have chose any number of recognized creeds but this is mine — for now. There are many things I still don't know but this won't stop me from having faith in the things I do know, chiefly that I am loved by the Father and that I love Him. I was lost and now I am found. I still struggle with many things in my life but I have strength and can find a measure of freedom because He has given me both — truly all that I will ever need.
The message is Love, Truth, Hope, Redemption, Freedom. This world needs the Truth of the Word of God, this world needs Jesus Christ! Our churches need to be bastions of teaching and preaching, of discipleship and the like. The world is a very, very dark place and we need to be lights. We are not lights by lowering our standards and succumbing to the world, by thinking that getting people in the door is what really matters. Our standard, our hope is so much higher and more simple than just getting people to "hear" the message. We simply need to do what the Spirit leads us to do. That's it. The Spirit will soften our hearts to have the mind and heart of Christ, the voice of Christ, the love of Christ and as this happens, we must be obedient to move as led. Church is where we are taught and where we worship God. Church is not (necessarily) where we try to make Christ and Christian living and community look attractive to those in the world who are hungry. We've got to teach people how to fish, not just feed them for today (with idols).
I say this clearly, there is a purpose for the Church, for a small group, for friendships, for life, for relationship with Christ, for one's view and relationship with one's self and they are all to bring Glory to the Father. They also have individual purposes and we must make sure that these purposes are not ignored or forgotten. The church needs to fulfill its role as one that proclaims the Gospel, worships God, and is a source of correct doctrine and corrective teaching, one who exercises discipline and builds disciples. Our performance metric is not a matter of size but rather whether or not we are acheving our core mission.
In this age, the church needs correction and let us not be so proud, arrogant or ignorant that ignore the call for reform. Though I should not be the one to apply it, I pray God raises up someone who will, a modern-day Paul who can tell them to expel the immoral brother and false teaching while encouraging the Church draw near to Christ and be true to its callings. My friends, the call is urgent as false teachings are here and persecution is coming. Believe me brothers and sisters, clouds and dark days are on the horizon. Though our destinys' are hid with Christ, there is still the potential for much pain and suffering, for ungrounded believers to be washed away, for whole denominations to be slide into obscurity, or worse, collaborate with the enemy. You have been warned.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
we need pastors who will preach and teach...
Cornerstone Café
This winter has been unseasonably snowy. Though it was late arriving, there has been at least some snow on the ground for more than two weeks now, a rarity in central or western Ohio. Today, more snow. Tomorrow, lots more snow.... Though I got a couple of disc golf games in this winter, I guess I won't get any more for a while.
I was happy to hear that our pastor finally did a sermon regarding homosexuality and the church. I have not heard this message yet but a lack of teaching on such matters has been frustrating. This is surely one of the “issues” facing the church today. Some churches are splitting over it. For others, it can be devisive or unifying. What’s key here is that the Bible speaks to this issue as it speaks to many other issues.
As I type, a young child, perhaps 5, just walked into the room making noises and looking at the artwork on the wall. He comes over to my table and looks at the artwork behind me. At one point, his head is behind my gray 466 PPC G3 clamshell and I can only see his eyes peering at the artwork. I duck my head so I can’t see him but I don’t think he notices. Then, I raise my head and he is looking at me and comes closer. Though my view is obstructed, I think he’s pushing the back of my screen down toward my hands with his nose. I try to save this document not knowing what might happen next.
“What is your name?” I ask. He looks at me yet does not respond.
“My name is Eric, what is your name little boy?”
“My name is Asher,” he says drawing out his name.
With a serious, adult voice that could be mistaken for Rich Nathan, I asked “Asher, where is your mother?” Two other twenty somethings working at another table watching this unfold start to giggle. Then, Asher’s mom comes into the room.
“Are you bothering these people Asher? . . . Look, see they’re working with their laptops and everything. . . . Let us not distract them,” she says as they leave the room.
Yes, the Bible speaks to many issues and one could say, it speaks to all issues.
A young man who goes to our church needed a place to stay and my roommate invited him to stay the night at our house. Last night, as we entertained him, it was then that I heard that Nathan had taught about homosexuality in the church that night. This man proceeded to tell me about an online forum that he had participated in, offering his opinions about how we should not judge and that we should simply love people and that Jesus will help them figure it out. The truth is that this man did not know what he was talking about and, ironically sought his information from those of an online forum, not the scriptures or at least the teaching of his pastor. My roommate and I discussed this issue at length, giving what we hope would be a fair take at what the scriptures say on the matter, the whole matter.
And though I may be tempted to expound upon these conclusions (about homosexual Christians) at some point, I am concerned about the fact that this man could not figure these things out for himself. He has not received a sufficient amount of teaching to help him understand such an issue for himself. He may think that he has but it was clear that he had not. Certainly this is not his fault and I would not wish to blame but rather to make observations.
Our church and in fact many churches do not teach the full, unadulterated gospel and scriptures because, perhaps, they are afraid to offend. Paul says the gospel is offensive and yet these churches pride themselves as being places where those who are interested in Christ or at least spirituality (or perhaps young, attractive Christian singles) can find a comfortable environment to find what they’re looking for. Their hope is to reel people in and make them feel like they are a part of the church, desire the church, and eventually find Jesus. In other words, we want them here and we hope they just sort of figure it out.
There is teaching, but it is at times focused to simply move people across the line, to help them fall in love with the idea. Things have gotten better recently but at times, the teaching can seem to have the consistency of whole milk, maybe a milk shake. I guess there's a concern that we may offend those who are test driving what it may be like to be a part of a Christian community. We can't acknowledge that it's hard and, at times, undesirable to be a Christian. Today, we can't acknowledge that being a Christian is more than just a way we act, talk, and look while we're at church. More than a rep we get by looking like we've got our act together, looking like God's really moving through us, looking like we're able to get our shit together essentially on our own.
Though the gospel may be taught, serious matters are only approached in talks and only written down on Statement’s of Faith. Though the Gospel and some truth is preached, other gospels are present including the gospel of self-righteousness, the gospel of equity, and the gospel of prosperity. Teachers need to refute these, teachers need to correct — especially in large churches that are amorphous and lack the kind of committed community of disciples needed to allow discipleship to happen and to preserve believers of the one, true Gospel. We must not be afraid to offend. The Gospel is what it is and though some will disagree with it, we are not to try to make it more, um, palatable. We must not cave in by trying to make the Church and Gospel look attractive, hiding doctrine and other issues that may turn people off. To cave in here is to be dishonest to those we share the Good News with, and more importantly shows a lack of fear of God and Truth! This is an offense!
No, we should not cave in. We believe the Truth and Truth is not negotiable! Certainly new people should be welcome and encouraged to pursue Jesus but this is not like selling a used car. We preach and proclaim the Gospel, some will accept it and some will turn away. God is not only in the midst of this but he is the one who gives the gift of faith to those around us, it is his work and we are to move as he leads and try not to get in the way.
Additionally, being up front with people, i.e. sharing what we believe and engaging them, is important. Getting lots of people to just hang around doesn't really seem like a good goal. In other words, attendance should not be the performance metric used to rate the effectiveness of the church. People come to church for lots of reasons and we should not placate any of these motivations with the exception of those who actually want to know Jesus. Should we teach anything less than the Gospel and Truth, we are sinning against them. We should not be afraid to be who we are, passionate believers who believe and teach a message that brings hope but results in persecution.
In our love, we should be hospitable, welcoming, graceful, charitable, and more but it is not love if we do not preach truth, love with truth, pray with truth. To do less is not to love. We think we are helping to reach the lost but if it is not done in love, we will be trying to reach people with not the Gospel but something less. Of course, we won’t figure this out if it isn’t taught and the chances of that happening are slim should we think that our teaching is supposed to be an evangelism tool rather than the time we take to allow a pastor to help teach us the word and correct false teaching. In my opinion, good teaching reaches all and most importantly, teaches and corrects the congregation toward a more accurate, more biblical view of Jesus and the Gospel. Believers can go evangelize on their own time, and stop expecting that this is solely the job of the pastor.
This winter has been unseasonably snowy. Though it was late arriving, there has been at least some snow on the ground for more than two weeks now, a rarity in central or western Ohio. Today, more snow. Tomorrow, lots more snow.... Though I got a couple of disc golf games in this winter, I guess I won't get any more for a while.
I was happy to hear that our pastor finally did a sermon regarding homosexuality and the church. I have not heard this message yet but a lack of teaching on such matters has been frustrating. This is surely one of the “issues” facing the church today. Some churches are splitting over it. For others, it can be devisive or unifying. What’s key here is that the Bible speaks to this issue as it speaks to many other issues.
As I type, a young child, perhaps 5, just walked into the room making noises and looking at the artwork on the wall. He comes over to my table and looks at the artwork behind me. At one point, his head is behind my gray 466 PPC G3 clamshell and I can only see his eyes peering at the artwork. I duck my head so I can’t see him but I don’t think he notices. Then, I raise my head and he is looking at me and comes closer. Though my view is obstructed, I think he’s pushing the back of my screen down toward my hands with his nose. I try to save this document not knowing what might happen next.
“What is your name?” I ask. He looks at me yet does not respond.
“My name is Eric, what is your name little boy?”
“My name is Asher,” he says drawing out his name.
With a serious, adult voice that could be mistaken for Rich Nathan, I asked “Asher, where is your mother?” Two other twenty somethings working at another table watching this unfold start to giggle. Then, Asher’s mom comes into the room.
“Are you bothering these people Asher? . . . Look, see they’re working with their laptops and everything. . . . Let us not distract them,” she says as they leave the room.
Yes, the Bible speaks to many issues and one could say, it speaks to all issues.
A young man who goes to our church needed a place to stay and my roommate invited him to stay the night at our house. Last night, as we entertained him, it was then that I heard that Nathan had taught about homosexuality in the church that night. This man proceeded to tell me about an online forum that he had participated in, offering his opinions about how we should not judge and that we should simply love people and that Jesus will help them figure it out. The truth is that this man did not know what he was talking about and, ironically sought his information from those of an online forum, not the scriptures or at least the teaching of his pastor. My roommate and I discussed this issue at length, giving what we hope would be a fair take at what the scriptures say on the matter, the whole matter.
And though I may be tempted to expound upon these conclusions (about homosexual Christians) at some point, I am concerned about the fact that this man could not figure these things out for himself. He has not received a sufficient amount of teaching to help him understand such an issue for himself. He may think that he has but it was clear that he had not. Certainly this is not his fault and I would not wish to blame but rather to make observations.
Our church and in fact many churches do not teach the full, unadulterated gospel and scriptures because, perhaps, they are afraid to offend. Paul says the gospel is offensive and yet these churches pride themselves as being places where those who are interested in Christ or at least spirituality (or perhaps young, attractive Christian singles) can find a comfortable environment to find what they’re looking for. Their hope is to reel people in and make them feel like they are a part of the church, desire the church, and eventually find Jesus. In other words, we want them here and we hope they just sort of figure it out.
There is teaching, but it is at times focused to simply move people across the line, to help them fall in love with the idea. Things have gotten better recently but at times, the teaching can seem to have the consistency of whole milk, maybe a milk shake. I guess there's a concern that we may offend those who are test driving what it may be like to be a part of a Christian community. We can't acknowledge that it's hard and, at times, undesirable to be a Christian. Today, we can't acknowledge that being a Christian is more than just a way we act, talk, and look while we're at church. More than a rep we get by looking like we've got our act together, looking like God's really moving through us, looking like we're able to get our shit together essentially on our own.
Though the gospel may be taught, serious matters are only approached in talks and only written down on Statement’s of Faith. Though the Gospel and some truth is preached, other gospels are present including the gospel of self-righteousness, the gospel of equity, and the gospel of prosperity. Teachers need to refute these, teachers need to correct — especially in large churches that are amorphous and lack the kind of committed community of disciples needed to allow discipleship to happen and to preserve believers of the one, true Gospel. We must not be afraid to offend. The Gospel is what it is and though some will disagree with it, we are not to try to make it more, um, palatable. We must not cave in by trying to make the Church and Gospel look attractive, hiding doctrine and other issues that may turn people off. To cave in here is to be dishonest to those we share the Good News with, and more importantly shows a lack of fear of God and Truth! This is an offense!
No, we should not cave in. We believe the Truth and Truth is not negotiable! Certainly new people should be welcome and encouraged to pursue Jesus but this is not like selling a used car. We preach and proclaim the Gospel, some will accept it and some will turn away. God is not only in the midst of this but he is the one who gives the gift of faith to those around us, it is his work and we are to move as he leads and try not to get in the way.
Additionally, being up front with people, i.e. sharing what we believe and engaging them, is important. Getting lots of people to just hang around doesn't really seem like a good goal. In other words, attendance should not be the performance metric used to rate the effectiveness of the church. People come to church for lots of reasons and we should not placate any of these motivations with the exception of those who actually want to know Jesus. Should we teach anything less than the Gospel and Truth, we are sinning against them. We should not be afraid to be who we are, passionate believers who believe and teach a message that brings hope but results in persecution.
In our love, we should be hospitable, welcoming, graceful, charitable, and more but it is not love if we do not preach truth, love with truth, pray with truth. To do less is not to love. We think we are helping to reach the lost but if it is not done in love, we will be trying to reach people with not the Gospel but something less. Of course, we won’t figure this out if it isn’t taught and the chances of that happening are slim should we think that our teaching is supposed to be an evangelism tool rather than the time we take to allow a pastor to help teach us the word and correct false teaching. In my opinion, good teaching reaches all and most importantly, teaches and corrects the congregation toward a more accurate, more biblical view of Jesus and the Gospel. Believers can go evangelize on their own time, and stop expecting that this is solely the job of the pastor.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
O' Lord, would you grant thee a wife!
I pray o' Lord that you would grant me a wife. I pray that she first of all will be in love with you. That she will seek to worship, honor and glorify you! That she will look upon me with the eyes of Christ. I pray that she would be compassionate and full of grace. I also pray Father that she will be very intelligent: relationally, intellectually, and artistically. I pray she'd be a great conversationalist and that she would think the world of me, that she would adore me, that she would love me, that she would be faithful to me. I pray she'd be attractive both physically and spiritually. I pray that we have a few children (three) and that we live long, prosperous lives. I pray that you will use us to minister and to bring your Kingdom. I pray that we will be close to you and follow your leading, in good times and bad, through times of joy and times of pain, persecution, and questioning. I pray that we would have the mind of Christ and the heart of Christ and the grace and compassion and love, oh the love of Christ toward eachother, toward our children, toward the church and toward the world. I pray that you may permit us to suffer for the Kingdom, to live out of the words of Paul, "To live is Christ and to die is gain."
In preparation of this and for the rest of my days, Father, I eagerly pray and seek that you would remove from me the burdens of a narcissistic self, of lustful and evil bents, of desires of things that are not of you. O' Lord, would you deliver me from the deviancy that is wrecking my life, the Spirit of lawlessness in my heart — would you burn them out of me, would you purify me, heal me of these things. Father, help me choose you over wickedness throughout the day and night, from good days to bad — you've ordained all of them, all of the time, help me live a life that is God-honoring throughout all of it! Father, help me experience and hear from you, let me hear your sweet voice, feel your warm embrace. Ravish me O' Lord with your presence! Let me find your presence delicious and may my response be worshipful and give you the glory you have called me, your creation — your Adam, to steward! I pray O' Lord, O' Father, O' Daddy that you would bring blessing upon me and my house, I pray that we would be faithful with what you've given us today and I pray that you will get the Glory! Strip away everything else O' Lord, let there be nothing left but you Father, you Jesus. You are enough.
In preparation of this and for the rest of my days, Father, I eagerly pray and seek that you would remove from me the burdens of a narcissistic self, of lustful and evil bents, of desires of things that are not of you. O' Lord, would you deliver me from the deviancy that is wrecking my life, the Spirit of lawlessness in my heart — would you burn them out of me, would you purify me, heal me of these things. Father, help me choose you over wickedness throughout the day and night, from good days to bad — you've ordained all of them, all of the time, help me live a life that is God-honoring throughout all of it! Father, help me experience and hear from you, let me hear your sweet voice, feel your warm embrace. Ravish me O' Lord with your presence! Let me find your presence delicious and may my response be worshipful and give you the glory you have called me, your creation — your Adam, to steward! I pray O' Lord, O' Father, O' Daddy that you would bring blessing upon me and my house, I pray that we would be faithful with what you've given us today and I pray that you will get the Glory! Strip away everything else O' Lord, let there be nothing left but you Father, you Jesus. You are enough.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Discontent
Oh Lord, please be my light and my hope now. Please take from me my anger, my anguish, my judgment. Father, be my peace, by my joy.
I am surrounded by the stench of death and I am angstful. At this hour, I am upset. Like many, I have crazy student loans. I almost lost my job in the past month — that is an internship with a 30 minute commute that pays me a meager wage. By the grace of God, he provides for me and I should be more thankful.
I am judgmental though. In my financial state, I was forced and I willingly made decisions that were unwise — where others take advantage of me. As a result, I am angry and envious. In other matters, I continue to be under-compensated when I provide services to others. Oh I pray that God will make me a better steward and help me make the choices that I need to make. I pray that I may be more shrewd, more compassionate, and more wise. I pray for a way out of this cycle of debt and its bondage.
I am surrounded by the stench of death and I am angstful. At this hour, I am upset. Like many, I have crazy student loans. I almost lost my job in the past month — that is an internship with a 30 minute commute that pays me a meager wage. By the grace of God, he provides for me and I should be more thankful.
I am judgmental though. In my financial state, I was forced and I willingly made decisions that were unwise — where others take advantage of me. As a result, I am angry and envious. In other matters, I continue to be under-compensated when I provide services to others. Oh I pray that God will make me a better steward and help me make the choices that I need to make. I pray that I may be more shrewd, more compassionate, and more wise. I pray for a way out of this cycle of debt and its bondage.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
An open letter
Dear friends, I am wrong.
Perhaps for some of you, you already know this and are the patient and diligent in praying type — I am thankful for you. But last Wednesday, a friend of mine helped me understand that I am wrong.
I notice details and I am usually quite critical. In the past nine months, my attention had been directed toward my church. Things that I had noticed bothered me and my first response was to talk to others. Prideful and not worried about causing problems, I would speak to people about the things I noticed rather than to the pastors or leaders I had a problem with. Doing so caused division and I knew it and knew it was wrong. This concern for things at my church has grown to the point that I was feeling like I needed to leave my church, maybe my small group, etc.
Talking with a friend the other night, we worked through my problems. A feeling as if everything is messed up and as if things are wrong and as if I need to leave. When asked to give specific reasons why I feel the way I do, I provided some but through this discussion, it was very difficult to identify smoking guns. With the help of my friend, I think I am realizing that this very well could be the effect of demonic influences.
I don't like using such words so lightly but I've been told by others that Satan's toolbox usually includes using confusion in order to obscure Truth and seize an opportunity to use emotions to mess with us. This seems to be one of those cases. I need to be able to deal with the fact that others are sinful and that they are responsible before Jesus for their actions. Also, that Jesus is in control and he's take care of it. This is not to obscure my role or diminish how he may use me but I have not felt his leading to respond in any of the ways I have. So, yes, I am wrong.
I've written a good number of things over my life, some of them here. Those critical of my church need to be taken with a few grains of salt.
This being said, I am very much fearful of two false teachings. I'll coin these as Self-Righteousness gospel and the Justice gospel. Both are false teachings or theologies that are destroying our churches and both must be stopped. My friend assures me that we are not preaching either. I pray that he's right, that the line will be further established and that these false gospels will be exposed and that people will move away from them. But if anything is apparent now, it is that Satan wants us to just sit around, talk it up and become more divided.
In reality, we need to be pushing those around us to be seeking out the Father and relying on the Word to help us understand our time and our world. I don't want to be the judge — something that precludes me from experiencing the humility, grace, and Truth that come from Jesus. Knowing this, I also do not want my brothers and sisters to be led astray and I don't want my God to be dishonored or to have his glory stolen from him. The line is a tough one to see until one goes to far and though others say that I have yet to cross it, I believe I have and I am sorry. My speech should be honoring of my elders, I should take my concerns to the Father and to these elders.
That's all I've got for right now....
Perhaps for some of you, you already know this and are the patient and diligent in praying type — I am thankful for you. But last Wednesday, a friend of mine helped me understand that I am wrong.
I notice details and I am usually quite critical. In the past nine months, my attention had been directed toward my church. Things that I had noticed bothered me and my first response was to talk to others. Prideful and not worried about causing problems, I would speak to people about the things I noticed rather than to the pastors or leaders I had a problem with. Doing so caused division and I knew it and knew it was wrong. This concern for things at my church has grown to the point that I was feeling like I needed to leave my church, maybe my small group, etc.
Talking with a friend the other night, we worked through my problems. A feeling as if everything is messed up and as if things are wrong and as if I need to leave. When asked to give specific reasons why I feel the way I do, I provided some but through this discussion, it was very difficult to identify smoking guns. With the help of my friend, I think I am realizing that this very well could be the effect of demonic influences.
I don't like using such words so lightly but I've been told by others that Satan's toolbox usually includes using confusion in order to obscure Truth and seize an opportunity to use emotions to mess with us. This seems to be one of those cases. I need to be able to deal with the fact that others are sinful and that they are responsible before Jesus for their actions. Also, that Jesus is in control and he's take care of it. This is not to obscure my role or diminish how he may use me but I have not felt his leading to respond in any of the ways I have. So, yes, I am wrong.
I've written a good number of things over my life, some of them here. Those critical of my church need to be taken with a few grains of salt.
This being said, I am very much fearful of two false teachings. I'll coin these as Self-Righteousness gospel and the Justice gospel. Both are false teachings or theologies that are destroying our churches and both must be stopped. My friend assures me that we are not preaching either. I pray that he's right, that the line will be further established and that these false gospels will be exposed and that people will move away from them. But if anything is apparent now, it is that Satan wants us to just sit around, talk it up and become more divided.
In reality, we need to be pushing those around us to be seeking out the Father and relying on the Word to help us understand our time and our world. I don't want to be the judge — something that precludes me from experiencing the humility, grace, and Truth that come from Jesus. Knowing this, I also do not want my brothers and sisters to be led astray and I don't want my God to be dishonored or to have his glory stolen from him. The line is a tough one to see until one goes to far and though others say that I have yet to cross it, I believe I have and I am sorry. My speech should be honoring of my elders, I should take my concerns to the Father and to these elders.
That's all I've got for right now....
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