Breathe 2009

Today is Monday, the Monday after breathe.

Returning from the mountain is so hard. Like waking up from a night of dreaming, the fleeting thoughts and feelings seem to slip. I write hoping to document some of those reactions to this year's Breathe festival.

LOVING OTHERS IS KEY
I walk away knowing that I am, at most times, too obsessed about details and not concerned with people. Jesus wants me to be about him and his people, showing mercy and grace, loving people where they're at and all of that. Though God-given, I have an amazing capacity to notice and a strong desire to fix details, problems, issues, etc. I fix things and I fix them well. Though this desire for perfectionism matters in some situations, it does not matter in most... and in most all, it is subordinate to loving people. This is especially difficult when dealing with others who like to control details and may have similar gifts yet, in my estimation, do things wrong or break things.

We all can be better at what we do, me included, and some are more able than others. The key for me is realizing that the goal of camping at breathe is to be at breathe and have reasonable shelter — if we fail, a tent collapses, something breaks, etc. My intervention to fix and do things better (making tents work, fixing things in general is a strength of mine) is not needed unless asked and furthermore, it's more important to love and assist others than try to explain and fix in a gruff, frustrated, and perhaps condescending manner. I may be freakishly smart at fixing stuff but getting along with people remains a weakness, one that I think God wants to work on and I'm eagerly anticipating his healing work, God — the one who is able to fix anything and everything to be perfect as he made it. I long for his healing work in my life.

INADEQUACY TO WORSHIP EFFECTIVELY
I felt like worship was, well, boring the first night. I wasn't feeling it, getting into it. I didn't know the songs, I didn't really feel the Lord, I was tired and stressed.... On Saturday, things changed and I really felt like the Lord met us. By session three on Saturday night, I felt like the Lord really came and a strong desire to worship him. The desire at times seems weird and fleeting itself but I worshiped all the same. I want to feel sucked into worship, like it is something I cannot compel myself to abstain from — like it is something I long to do and am sucked into... but rather, it usually is something I have to focus on and push into. I think either form is fine, God want's us to worship and that is a difficult thing to do, rejecting the desires of ourselves, the world, and Satan to put our attention, focus, and bodies before God and praise him! We were made to praise but at times it feels like I'm so divided. Anyway, several times I got really caught up in praising God and just felt totally inadequate to pray and praise. I felt like the Lord was saying that he wanted to give me the gift of praying (praising) in tongues and that I should find a certain person to pray with and that it would be given to me. It didn't work out to do that and we ended up praying the next day. All I can say is that it hasn't happened yet but I hope and pray that it will happen soon, in His timing.

OTHER GREAT INSIGHTS AND QUOTABLES
Mike Erre (Friday night)
— The reward of following Jesus is Jesus. — Mike Erre
— We can say "no" to Jesus' instruction and teaching... but where else would we go? How can we say "no" to Jesus when he's the one we trust, love, believe is the one, the savior, etc.

Mike Erre (Saturday morning)
— Jesus is more radical than we ever thought he was or could be.
— Our faith should be a faith of action, that is doing or living the life of faith and not simply an intellectual pursuit.
— actions show what we really believe and eventually our actions should start showing that we are submitting to and trusting in Jesus and the Scriptures.
— following Jesus is doing and acting in such a way as we already are. When we gained faith and salvation in Jesus, our lives and destinies changed, he changed us... and we must put to death the ways of the old to accept the new life Christ has for us in this age and the age to come!

Jay Pathak (Saturday night)
— The Jesus story, the story we were all made for.
— The Jesus story is the one we should believe yet other stories compete for our hearts.
— People are inhibited from moving forward because of hurdles inside of us that must be jumped before we can see things change on the outside. Love with Jesus drives us forward through these hurdles....
— We must be rooted and established in Jesus (eph 3:14)
— We can do nothing (of significance) apart from Jesus (jn 15:5-17)
— Changes happens passively and not always actively.
— Everything God does in you moves from the inside out.
— Simple things become impossible when we're disconnected from Jesus — seek him first and ask him to uproot the weeds in our lives rather than just trying to hack away the weeds and leaving the roots behind. God wants to completely restore you, not manage your sin.
— Watch for bad fruit and know that it does not come from the Father
— If you love, you'll obey. If you obey, you will be loved. This is relational, obeying flows out of relationship.
— If you make me (Jesus) the priority, the center — I'll reveal and share things with you, the future will open.
— To see Jesus changes everything.... what's possible for me, what competes with him. wouldn't it be great if all of this was simple again, and it is with Jesus.

Jay Pathak (Sunday AM)
— Our lives at church and in the Kingdom are mroe real than all else...
— How do we stay there and not get lost in normalcy?
— We must know ourselves, our feers, our concerns, and believe that Jesus is more and have our hearts in a place where we're ready to respond in a moment.
— Take life by the horns, be real, be authentic.... the key issue that inhibits growth and realizing dreams is not a lack of knowledge or information but a need to release yourself from the things that bind you, your fears.
— We can be afraid and not know it, largely because of subtle fears that we are comfortable with such as insecurity, fear, shame, and doubt that prevent us from seeing the possible.
— Stop making excuses and be ready for the Lord and say "yes" to his calling...
— Don't waste your life waiting for the "right" time.
— Don't let fear keep you from taking chances. You'll make mistakes but every once in a while you'll get something right, really right. Though fear of making mistakes is normal, don't let it paralyze you from taking risks.
— Don't wait to see opportunities in the rear-view mirror.
— Remove resistance so you can move when God moves you to. (1 Peter 3:9)
— Don't worry, we can't make Jesus look bad, we can't.
— If we deal with our fear, we can then move when He leads... if you must be afraid, be afraid of God. Do not be afraid of this world or of man.

—Three main fears
1. Fear of Rejection (man). Don't be afraid of things that lead to death (symbolic and literal) because it is death that leads to life.

2. Fear of Failure. We all will fail but will you fail by not even trying or will you fail in your trying? Peter is looked at as a failure for not having enough faith to be able to walk all the way to Jesus on the water but remember, he was the only one who got up and attempted it (he got two steps before starting to sink), the rest simply looked on and had not enough faith to attempt such thing.

3. Fear of Success. Afraid that things will work out (if God really does come through) and that it will change my life, things may never be the same.




I'll post more soon but this is it for now...