How difficult can this be? I just want some friends. At 24, getting friends is harder than you might think (or at least this is how it seems to me).
People my age hang out at bars, meet at clubs or at work, etc. Life revolves around sex or dating or work. Where do I fit in this?
Virtually everyone in my academic program is a workaholic because they want that degree, that awesome job, etc. They seemingly have little to live for, to aspire to so they try to do 20 hour internships and take three or four classes.
I think to the "good olde days" when I lived in the dorms and there at least were other people. When I lived in a community house with 11 other Christian guys. When I was in a smallgroup bible study and an even smaller group of people reading Blue Like Jazz and Ragamuffin Gospel for the first time. We lived our lives, to some degree, with eachother. Those days are over and my soul hurts because of it all.
What would it take to go back, if possible? Certainly I can't pretend to be 18 and move into the dorms? Would I try to be a Christian or would I role with the punches and party until I puke and party some more? Would I do the crazy things that dorm students do or would I settle back into a Christian organization. Certainly this is the safe thing to do.
I'm not bashing Christian organizations by the way but there's something very, um, limiting by them. On one hand, they show you how to have fun without sinning but on the other hand, they help separate you from the world around you. All of a sudden, it's not okay to have sex be something that is common ground between you and friends, women, men, etc. Booze, depending on the church, are taboo. Certainly the drugs that make and break friendships - especially pot - are of course off limits. I like to talk about academic subjects and hang out with people while listening to chill music — the only thing missing is the pot... but it's funny because I'm not convinced you really need it either.
What does it take for a 24 year-old to make good, solid relationships? Who are my peers? Can I even make friendships with 20 and 19 year-olds and would I want to? I'm not a "cool" person by their narcissistic standards. F*ck their narcissistic standards — I hope their iPods and cell phones would just die, I hope their myspace and facebook universes would coplapse. Just as slavery wasn't acceptable, we must reject the urge to be enslaved by technology and embrace people, relationships, and most importantly - God! Certainly I don't expect people to be perfect but I do still expect them to still be people though.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Crazy January
Man things are crazy this January! Read the Jan 18 post before you read this one....
Obviously I was dealing with a lot last week. At a point where I where I was trying to work with leaders at my JH to pursue a new small group concept, this whole mosaic thing again came out of left field and popped into my lap. This is now the third time in 9 months that I have considered moving back to mosaic or what will eventually be mosaic. I'm confused as I think anyone else would be.
I've noticed while soul searching and thinking about these things, there are issues that I reject in one context yet embrace in another and it's clear this is obviously not very logical. Case in point, my feelings about a ministry or group that is focused on college students.
A week or more ago, I was very moved against this idea of a church or even small group that tried to exclusively reach college students. This doesn't mean they don't love and value non-college students but it does mean they have a vision and focus of
reaching college students. This is hard for me because there are a lot of good people out there who are not students and they can sometimes make or break a group. To "exclude" them seems wrong and that's how I felt, I thought it was favoritism.
Now, I realize that:
a) God has sovereignty to call someone to have a heart for a certain group and it's not as if God rejects others but that for us, in our place in life, time and space, he's called us to a specific goal. He's called others other specific calls but as for us, this is where God is calling us!
b) We are like a drop of water in the ocean - we are small. We are like a metallic atomic particle of a metal gear in a beautiful and complicated watch - we were meant to fulfill a specific purpose for a specific time and place. Considering these ideas, we can't be doing all things at all times. I have lots of dreams but it seems to be mutually exclusive for me to pursue all at the same time. God has called us for seasons of our lives to live and serve in various ways.
c) Though I can't relive the past, there's noting saying that in this season of my life, I can't revisit it one last time - as long as I'm okay with the fact I'm 24 and not 19 anymore.
WHAT DO I WANT
Not as angry at GCM or people who want to pursue campuses, I now have to consider where I'm at and what I want if it were only possible. These things are....
1) I want to live with good friends that help grow in my relationship with the Father, learn the Word, and learn how to help others grow in Christ. (Relationships leading one toward growing closer to God)
2) I want to live with good friends that will help me be faithful to God and reject evil in my life and embrace the Father. (Relationships leading one toward repentance)
3) I want to live with good friends that I co-labor with to help usher in the Kingdom of God. (Relationships leading one toward loving others)
and...
4) I want to be a part of a church that is helping me grow, helping others grow, helping me help others grow - closer to God as followers of Christ.
5) I want leaders who I can faithfully respect, who value God and love those in the faith in their church. (Where everyone, believer and non-believer is valued but the believer is loved as a brother, not feeling rejected because he is not someone who others in the church can share the gospel with them).
6) I want that beautiful community (one of mosaic's old tag-lines) that I enjoyed when I was an undergrad.
7) I want to be a part of a church that wants me as much as I so desperately want it.
8) I want to serve a church that needs laborers - where I don't feel like I could attend a do nothing and be okay with that.
9) The church can do so much to put its finger down on what could be and I guess I want to be a part of a church that uses this power only as God leads them to, not just when they feel like it.
I'm sure there's more to mention here. I know there were a lot of "I wants" in here but I'll say that I know that we don't always get our "I wants." God has different plans for us sometimes but even though, these are things I desire that I believe are biblical.
SHIFTING GEARS
This all comes at an interesting point in my life. After 43 days, I finally met with leaders at my church about the prospect of starting a new, specifically focused group. Essentially, this would be a group focused on reaching people who live in the north campus neighborhood between Clintonville and OSU. The idea is that we live in this area and we should try to reach those around us! It was a good meeting and I'm glad we met.
Not surprisingly, the outcome was that I needed to network with other leaders to try to gather those who share the vision and try to just start the darn thing. This is the hardest part — getting people on board with your vision. This gives me pause because though I believe I could do this, at this time I don't have enough contacts to make something like this happen. Should God provide others to lead with me, I'm now realizing that If I have to leave town to get a job, - it all may die. Yes, I have to put this in God's hands but I also need to have a measure of commitment so that if I start something, I'd stick with it until I can pass it on. I'm not saying that this isn't possible but three phrases come time mind.
— With God, all things are possible
— Everything that is Good is worth fighting for
— We make time for those things that are most important to us
Certainly starting a group is possible and something Good but I'm wondering how much I'm willing to sacrifice for it.
REGARDING THE CHURCH I DESIRE
Obviously points 1 through 3 have to do with who I live with and though I could live with JH people who desire these things, this door has not been opened to me. Instead, the door has been opened to live with a dear friend of the past and this excites me.
Furthermore, regarding the church, JH has grown me a lot and helped me grow others and I respect the leaders and the kind of community they are trying to create. I enjoy the community and the people but with few exceptions, they are at arms length. When I am getting real with people, it's a once or twice a month thing. This may be more my fault than anything though. I desire my church and the community but sometimes I feel like this is a one-way fight. Anyone who's tried to create community knows that it's something one has to fight for! Either way, I feel like I'm floating and not really serving or being a part of helping to bring something about but I also don't feel like I have to do anything. Though I feel like I'm not needed, it's obviously a lie from the enemy that keeps me from fighting through that perception and trying to help expand the church and the Kingdom. Though it also may also be a lie, there is a perception that the church limits what could be. In reality, they love to release people to do awesome stuff but the personal cost is high as I'm learning with this prospective group concept. Regardless of all of this, I LOVE MY CHURCH!
There are issues with it, and certainly this is reasonable but I love this church. In my darkest hour, they were there for me and there is a heart and a passion to love people who who they are unlike any community I've seen before. Not everyone is like this but those who love are not hard to find for those who are looking.
This is all just an issue because, if you can't tell, I'm questioning again whether or not I should pursue this church plant. I meet with the guy leading it in a week and I guess I need to pray that God would speak to me leading up to and through this meeting. What's clear though is that I do not feel like I'm looking for greener grass this time - instead of trying to leave something, this may just be one of those times where God is calling me toward something and I have to have faith that either way, God's Will will be accomplished — he will lead me where I am to go.
Obviously I was dealing with a lot last week. At a point where I where I was trying to work with leaders at my JH to pursue a new small group concept, this whole mosaic thing again came out of left field and popped into my lap. This is now the third time in 9 months that I have considered moving back to mosaic or what will eventually be mosaic. I'm confused as I think anyone else would be.
I've noticed while soul searching and thinking about these things, there are issues that I reject in one context yet embrace in another and it's clear this is obviously not very logical. Case in point, my feelings about a ministry or group that is focused on college students.
A week or more ago, I was very moved against this idea of a church or even small group that tried to exclusively reach college students. This doesn't mean they don't love and value non-college students but it does mean they have a vision and focus of
reaching college students. This is hard for me because there are a lot of good people out there who are not students and they can sometimes make or break a group. To "exclude" them seems wrong and that's how I felt, I thought it was favoritism.
Now, I realize that:
a) God has sovereignty to call someone to have a heart for a certain group and it's not as if God rejects others but that for us, in our place in life, time and space, he's called us to a specific goal. He's called others other specific calls but as for us, this is where God is calling us!
b) We are like a drop of water in the ocean - we are small. We are like a metallic atomic particle of a metal gear in a beautiful and complicated watch - we were meant to fulfill a specific purpose for a specific time and place. Considering these ideas, we can't be doing all things at all times. I have lots of dreams but it seems to be mutually exclusive for me to pursue all at the same time. God has called us for seasons of our lives to live and serve in various ways.
c) Though I can't relive the past, there's noting saying that in this season of my life, I can't revisit it one last time - as long as I'm okay with the fact I'm 24 and not 19 anymore.
WHAT DO I WANT
Not as angry at GCM or people who want to pursue campuses, I now have to consider where I'm at and what I want if it were only possible. These things are....
1) I want to live with good friends that help grow in my relationship with the Father, learn the Word, and learn how to help others grow in Christ. (Relationships leading one toward growing closer to God)
2) I want to live with good friends that will help me be faithful to God and reject evil in my life and embrace the Father. (Relationships leading one toward repentance)
3) I want to live with good friends that I co-labor with to help usher in the Kingdom of God. (Relationships leading one toward loving others)
and...
4) I want to be a part of a church that is helping me grow, helping others grow, helping me help others grow - closer to God as followers of Christ.
5) I want leaders who I can faithfully respect, who value God and love those in the faith in their church. (Where everyone, believer and non-believer is valued but the believer is loved as a brother, not feeling rejected because he is not someone who others in the church can share the gospel with them).
6) I want that beautiful community (one of mosaic's old tag-lines) that I enjoyed when I was an undergrad.
7) I want to be a part of a church that wants me as much as I so desperately want it.
8) I want to serve a church that needs laborers - where I don't feel like I could attend a do nothing and be okay with that.
9) The church can do so much to put its finger down on what could be and I guess I want to be a part of a church that uses this power only as God leads them to, not just when they feel like it.
I'm sure there's more to mention here. I know there were a lot of "I wants" in here but I'll say that I know that we don't always get our "I wants." God has different plans for us sometimes but even though, these are things I desire that I believe are biblical.
SHIFTING GEARS
This all comes at an interesting point in my life. After 43 days, I finally met with leaders at my church about the prospect of starting a new, specifically focused group. Essentially, this would be a group focused on reaching people who live in the north campus neighborhood between Clintonville and OSU. The idea is that we live in this area and we should try to reach those around us! It was a good meeting and I'm glad we met.
Not surprisingly, the outcome was that I needed to network with other leaders to try to gather those who share the vision and try to just start the darn thing. This is the hardest part — getting people on board with your vision. This gives me pause because though I believe I could do this, at this time I don't have enough contacts to make something like this happen. Should God provide others to lead with me, I'm now realizing that If I have to leave town to get a job, - it all may die. Yes, I have to put this in God's hands but I also need to have a measure of commitment so that if I start something, I'd stick with it until I can pass it on. I'm not saying that this isn't possible but three phrases come time mind.
— With God, all things are possible
— Everything that is Good is worth fighting for
— We make time for those things that are most important to us
Certainly starting a group is possible and something Good but I'm wondering how much I'm willing to sacrifice for it.
REGARDING THE CHURCH I DESIRE
Obviously points 1 through 3 have to do with who I live with and though I could live with JH people who desire these things, this door has not been opened to me. Instead, the door has been opened to live with a dear friend of the past and this excites me.
Furthermore, regarding the church, JH has grown me a lot and helped me grow others and I respect the leaders and the kind of community they are trying to create. I enjoy the community and the people but with few exceptions, they are at arms length. When I am getting real with people, it's a once or twice a month thing. This may be more my fault than anything though. I desire my church and the community but sometimes I feel like this is a one-way fight. Anyone who's tried to create community knows that it's something one has to fight for! Either way, I feel like I'm floating and not really serving or being a part of helping to bring something about but I also don't feel like I have to do anything. Though I feel like I'm not needed, it's obviously a lie from the enemy that keeps me from fighting through that perception and trying to help expand the church and the Kingdom. Though it also may also be a lie, there is a perception that the church limits what could be. In reality, they love to release people to do awesome stuff but the personal cost is high as I'm learning with this prospective group concept. Regardless of all of this, I LOVE MY CHURCH!
There are issues with it, and certainly this is reasonable but I love this church. In my darkest hour, they were there for me and there is a heart and a passion to love people who who they are unlike any community I've seen before. Not everyone is like this but those who love are not hard to find for those who are looking.
This is all just an issue because, if you can't tell, I'm questioning again whether or not I should pursue this church plant. I meet with the guy leading it in a week and I guess I need to pray that God would speak to me leading up to and through this meeting. What's clear though is that I do not feel like I'm looking for greener grass this time - instead of trying to leave something, this may just be one of those times where God is calling me toward something and I have to have faith that either way, God's Will will be accomplished — he will lead me where I am to go.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Respect the place God has placed you
My experience at my second church, a college ministry focused missional church, has left me with more pain and wounding than I thought possible. I know this isn't everybody's story but for me my departure was a hurtful one of which I continue to feel the fallout from. As a result of the situation I was depressed, disillusioned, mad at God, myself and my friends. I lost my hope, my joy and though I longed for something more. Believing that it was my fault, I started doing things to hurt myself. Even now, two years later, I am so full of pain that I wept for some time last night.
Is it not hard to understand that I would do everything I could to reject and walkaway from these people and the theories they operated by. As a student, I started going to a community church that was quite a distance from campus. I made friends with people who were from Columbus and those who never went to school. God blessed me with my new small group and God started healing me.
Now that the grass is not so green anymore at my current church, I learned that the denomination of my old church is replanting the church. This means that new leaders from another church are coming here and trying to start up something new. Discontent with my patchy grass and upset, lonely, and bored, I was attracted to this new thing.
In this process I realize that the rejection of the old church and it's methods was not based on solid grounds but actually stemming from emotional wounding and hurt rather than logic and principles. In this, I have to accept that I am dealing with massive unforgiveness and not too much else.
Now that the viability of this way of doing things is no longer in question as a primary issue, I now think I could be a part of the new church plant. In this though, my desires are partially rooted in a desire to recapture the good community and relationships that were lost when I left the old church. Now, 24 and in grad school, I'm not the same person and I have to deal with the fact that I can't go back and expect it to be the same. Certainly there is much sadness in this realization that this chapter in my life is closed — you're only 21 and an undergraduate once in your life and I finally realized that a realistic hope of reliving this is gone. This is why I wept last night.
Like dealing with loss after a fire, when your house burns down, you remember half of the things you lost but over time, you slowly remember the rest and this is where I'm at right now.
Though I'm not completely sure that I'm not to be a part of this new church plant, this decision can't be based on my desire to relive the past for this is not possible. Certainly I can try to experience things like I did in the past — build relationships, socialize with others, have fun and this is fine. Though these things may make my experience similar, I can't relive the past.
I have to come to terms with the fact that the Mosaic I knew is dead and has been dead for a long time. The reasons why I left are the same reasons why it has died. Now a part of a church that I agree with in theory but not always in practice, I've got to respect where God has placed me and try to make the best of it. At least I agree with the vision at my church and now the church just has to apply it justly and though this can be annoying, I can live with slow change.
I must persevere. I must trust and have faith that God will work. Please pray that I can get to the point where I can forgive GCM, Mosaic, and my friends for what they did and (in practice, not theory) and please pray that I can realize that I can't relive the past or vicariously live through the past. Please pray that I would have hope for today and tomorrow and that something would happen. I need friends to help me through this and I need to meet a few good friends who have time to help create that beautiful community I desire.
Is it not hard to understand that I would do everything I could to reject and walkaway from these people and the theories they operated by. As a student, I started going to a community church that was quite a distance from campus. I made friends with people who were from Columbus and those who never went to school. God blessed me with my new small group and God started healing me.
Now that the grass is not so green anymore at my current church, I learned that the denomination of my old church is replanting the church. This means that new leaders from another church are coming here and trying to start up something new. Discontent with my patchy grass and upset, lonely, and bored, I was attracted to this new thing.
In this process I realize that the rejection of the old church and it's methods was not based on solid grounds but actually stemming from emotional wounding and hurt rather than logic and principles. In this, I have to accept that I am dealing with massive unforgiveness and not too much else.
Now that the viability of this way of doing things is no longer in question as a primary issue, I now think I could be a part of the new church plant. In this though, my desires are partially rooted in a desire to recapture the good community and relationships that were lost when I left the old church. Now, 24 and in grad school, I'm not the same person and I have to deal with the fact that I can't go back and expect it to be the same. Certainly there is much sadness in this realization that this chapter in my life is closed — you're only 21 and an undergraduate once in your life and I finally realized that a realistic hope of reliving this is gone. This is why I wept last night.
Like dealing with loss after a fire, when your house burns down, you remember half of the things you lost but over time, you slowly remember the rest and this is where I'm at right now.
Though I'm not completely sure that I'm not to be a part of this new church plant, this decision can't be based on my desire to relive the past for this is not possible. Certainly I can try to experience things like I did in the past — build relationships, socialize with others, have fun and this is fine. Though these things may make my experience similar, I can't relive the past.
I have to come to terms with the fact that the Mosaic I knew is dead and has been dead for a long time. The reasons why I left are the same reasons why it has died. Now a part of a church that I agree with in theory but not always in practice, I've got to respect where God has placed me and try to make the best of it. At least I agree with the vision at my church and now the church just has to apply it justly and though this can be annoying, I can live with slow change.
I must persevere. I must trust and have faith that God will work. Please pray that I can get to the point where I can forgive GCM, Mosaic, and my friends for what they did and (in practice, not theory) and please pray that I can realize that I can't relive the past or vicariously live through the past. Please pray that I would have hope for today and tomorrow and that something would happen. I need friends to help me through this and I need to meet a few good friends who have time to help create that beautiful community I desire.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
More Than Life
Stand by everything You said
Stand by the promises we made
Let go of everything I’ve done
I'll run into Your open arms
And all I know
Chorus:
I love You more than life
I love You more than life
Fall back on everything You've done
Fall back on everlasting arms
When all the world is swept away
You are all the things I need
You're the air I breathe
How can it be
You were the one on the cross that died for me?
Lifted for all our shame?
How can it be
The scars in Your hands are for me?
You are the king of all
Stand by the promises we made
Let go of everything I’ve done
I'll run into Your open arms
And all I know
Chorus:
I love You more than life
I love You more than life
Fall back on everything You've done
Fall back on everlasting arms
When all the world is swept away
You are all the things I need
You're the air I breathe
How can it be
You were the one on the cross that died for me?
Lifted for all our shame?
How can it be
The scars in Your hands are for me?
You are the king of all
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Wake Up pt. 2
I am steeped in depression and addiction to games and porn and caught in a cycle of the place you'd never want to be. For my friends who are addicts of various types of drugs, certainly my addiction is not as bad but I feel like I know what it's like to feel like I need to run away and be numbed by something, try to enjoy something. I pray I don't get caught up in worse things as this seems hard enough to handle.
The depression thing has been for a month or more now, the porn thing for like 2 years and, well, it makes you feel hollow. You confess your sin and "repent" and here I am. I tried a recovery group and, well, I didn't want to recover. How do you deal with this? I hear a word on the way home from lunch yesterday - basically something like "one can't embrace God and evil at the same time." There are verses to support this I mean Jesus calls us from our lives of sin to repent and walk in salvation, in his grace, sinning no more!
And for me, I get tired and stressed out and I disengage. I'm sad, I feel like I'm done at moments throughout the day. Not done with life, life is good but seemingly done with trying to be good, trying to reject who I am. Of course, I don't really know who I am though.
I feel like I'm a sinner and some people say, yes think of yourself as a sinner because you still need Jesus every day, he is continually saving you, you will continue to need to repent to the Father for your trespasses, etc. And there are others who say that Paul says that, no, your identity is saint, not sinner, for what Christ has done for you is everlasting and that you need to think with eternity in mind, realize this is an important part of life but that there is so much more ahead in eternity!
And we can try to change but it is only a changing of the heart from sinner to saint that will allow us to draw near. It is only with the touch of Jesus that I will be healed of my attachment issues, depression, loneliness, lust, guilt, and lack of faith and hope.
But unlike the sinner, I, the saint respond by pleading to the Father, "Lord Jesus, have your way with me, make me whole and make me new today. I reject evil in the name of Jesus Christ and ask that you would change my heart, make me whole again. Rescue me from what seems to be a life of despair that I would otherwise be condemned to endure. You've come to be a ransom for many and I pray that I would be rescued from a life, here on earth, away from your light. I try to hide myself from your light but you know where I am and what's going on inside my soul and I pray you'd rescue me today! - Amen."
The depression thing has been for a month or more now, the porn thing for like 2 years and, well, it makes you feel hollow. You confess your sin and "repent" and here I am. I tried a recovery group and, well, I didn't want to recover. How do you deal with this? I hear a word on the way home from lunch yesterday - basically something like "one can't embrace God and evil at the same time." There are verses to support this I mean Jesus calls us from our lives of sin to repent and walk in salvation, in his grace, sinning no more!
And for me, I get tired and stressed out and I disengage. I'm sad, I feel like I'm done at moments throughout the day. Not done with life, life is good but seemingly done with trying to be good, trying to reject who I am. Of course, I don't really know who I am though.
I feel like I'm a sinner and some people say, yes think of yourself as a sinner because you still need Jesus every day, he is continually saving you, you will continue to need to repent to the Father for your trespasses, etc. And there are others who say that Paul says that, no, your identity is saint, not sinner, for what Christ has done for you is everlasting and that you need to think with eternity in mind, realize this is an important part of life but that there is so much more ahead in eternity!
And we can try to change but it is only a changing of the heart from sinner to saint that will allow us to draw near. It is only with the touch of Jesus that I will be healed of my attachment issues, depression, loneliness, lust, guilt, and lack of faith and hope.
But unlike the sinner, I, the saint respond by pleading to the Father, "Lord Jesus, have your way with me, make me whole and make me new today. I reject evil in the name of Jesus Christ and ask that you would change my heart, make me whole again. Rescue me from what seems to be a life of despair that I would otherwise be condemned to endure. You've come to be a ransom for many and I pray that I would be rescued from a life, here on earth, away from your light. I try to hide myself from your light but you know where I am and what's going on inside my soul and I pray you'd rescue me today! - Amen."
Monday, January 7, 2008
Wake Up
Today, at lunch, I was asked by two friends to pray about a situation that is plaguing my community. Essentially, what seems to be people sleeping and falling away from Jesus in the sense that He is now, seemingly, number two, three or even four in their lives. They used to be on fire and now they are luke warm, choosing to place things before Him! This is a HUGE deal because to follow Christ means that you'd be willing to leave anything and everything, to keep Christ first and not to worship any other idols before him. That means that we can't keep our wives or husbands, children or jobs, addictions or friendships before Christ. The world is reconciled to God through Christ and so are we, reconciled to God and reconciled to the world through Christ. I digress but essentially, people in our community were on fire for Christ, wanting to share him with others and slowly as we moved away, got jobs, and became "old," our intentionality and affect has been diminished - that is in the purpose God has placed on our lives, to help bring Jesus and the Kingdom of God to the nations!
Obviously, God does not need us specifically but God desires to use those who submit themselves to him and though we were submitted at one point, other things have become first in our lives. I am one of these people as well. Though God will also call others and the Kingdom will eventually advance, it is clear that as long as people are effectively saying "no" to fulfilling God's plan, they will not experience the blessings in helping to bring it as well as the great potential that many may not come to know Jesus and be rescued. Obviously big questions are raised here about predestination, open theism and things like that and I don't want to deal with those here. These are the kind of questions that open up lots of issues, including how important or necessary is it to submit to God's plan in order for God's will to be fulfilled.
These questions are important but in the context of living a life on fire for Jesus and going and reaching the lost, the Bible is certainly clear in either context that we are to drop what we're doing and follow Jesus' call to follow him. Additionally, we are to say "yes" to God when He calls (asks) us to do something and included in this call is the great commission, to go and make disciples, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. This isn't really optional and it is God's desire that we take part in His Miracles - especially in the rescuing of those who were lost and away from God, bringing them back to the Father through the miracle of salvation!
In all of this, these same friends call me Don Quixote. They call me this because I like to insert myself in situations to help save the day, to be the White Knight and and the proactive desire to help people is great but usually the White Knight is stabbed in the back by those he comes to save. I love my friends and will do whatever I can to help them but this doesn't always mean that you put yourself into every situation or that you should. I'm learning that unsolicited advice should not really be given, at least not very often. Most importantly, I'm learning that it is God who makes life transformation happen — all good and perfect gifts come from the Father of Heavenly Lights! I will whatever I can to help my friends but some people are beyond simple nudging and they need the intervention of the Father. I pray we again would be a community that is white hot for Jesus and that Christ would be Glorified for who he is, what he has done, is doing and will do forever and ever amen!
James 5:19, 20
My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins.
When I think on this, I hear the words "wake up" - more on this later...
Obviously, God does not need us specifically but God desires to use those who submit themselves to him and though we were submitted at one point, other things have become first in our lives. I am one of these people as well. Though God will also call others and the Kingdom will eventually advance, it is clear that as long as people are effectively saying "no" to fulfilling God's plan, they will not experience the blessings in helping to bring it as well as the great potential that many may not come to know Jesus and be rescued. Obviously big questions are raised here about predestination, open theism and things like that and I don't want to deal with those here. These are the kind of questions that open up lots of issues, including how important or necessary is it to submit to God's plan in order for God's will to be fulfilled.
These questions are important but in the context of living a life on fire for Jesus and going and reaching the lost, the Bible is certainly clear in either context that we are to drop what we're doing and follow Jesus' call to follow him. Additionally, we are to say "yes" to God when He calls (asks) us to do something and included in this call is the great commission, to go and make disciples, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. This isn't really optional and it is God's desire that we take part in His Miracles - especially in the rescuing of those who were lost and away from God, bringing them back to the Father through the miracle of salvation!
In all of this, these same friends call me Don Quixote. They call me this because I like to insert myself in situations to help save the day, to be the White Knight and and the proactive desire to help people is great but usually the White Knight is stabbed in the back by those he comes to save. I love my friends and will do whatever I can to help them but this doesn't always mean that you put yourself into every situation or that you should. I'm learning that unsolicited advice should not really be given, at least not very often. Most importantly, I'm learning that it is God who makes life transformation happen — all good and perfect gifts come from the Father of Heavenly Lights! I will whatever I can to help my friends but some people are beyond simple nudging and they need the intervention of the Father. I pray we again would be a community that is white hot for Jesus and that Christ would be Glorified for who he is, what he has done, is doing and will do forever and ever amen!
James 5:19, 20
My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins.
When I think on this, I hear the words "wake up" - more on this later...
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
New Year
First post of the new year - woohoo!
BAD JOKE
So something funny last night - Some friends and I had a party for another friend who has lived in Japan and took time to visit and it was sweet. At one point, I commented that I'd try to make sure we turned on the tv in time for the dropping of the ball but insisted that we "wouldn't miss it" because the our "tivo-like" DVR box was recording the event. If we'd miss it, we could just watch it over again. Needless to say, people stared at me and then laughed. I expected nothing less.
NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS
On this first day of the year, I visited Dustin's family and had a sweet dinner with them. Of their new year's traditions, I made goals for the new year. Those were:
1. Do well in school
2. Be less busy
3. Better manage my time
4. Spend more time reading and with God
5. Try to eat healthier and be more active
6. Try to find a new small group near campus - perhaps starting one if I can't seem to find something that works for me.
We'll see how many of these I keep, however one has to shoot for something realistic in making goals so this is what I thought of off the top of my head. I've got 364 days to make these things happen so hopefully I'll take that seriously sooner rather than later.
Tomorrow I turn 24 years old. One more year until the quarter-century mark and, well, one more year that I have to my name. It's sweet that now I don't have to pay more for renting a car and I think I just might think of doing some traveling this year. Where I'll go, nobody knows - unless you ask. I like the idea of going to California, Colorado, Arizona, and perhaps some points in-between. Also, I'd like to visit the Pacific Northwest and perhaps Boston and New York. I want to see cities - I am fascinated by cities!
ON A SERIOUS NOTE
I asked for someone to pray for me on Sunday and that was sweet. Essentially, I've felt recently like I have a spiritual depression of sorts. A sadness that seems to darken my life, especially my spiritual life. Someone noted Sunday night that I used to have this perk and spring in my step, that I was a fun guy who was alive and more recently I seem depressed and dark. Why this seems to be true is up for grabs. Could it be that my addictions are killing my soul? Could it be that this whole winter thing is depressing? Could it be that I'm lonely? Yeah, probably all of that. There are probably other things going on too but as I stood their, after being prayed for, I felt waves of sadness rush over me and I knew that it had been a while since I cried and that it's okay to cry. Jesus showed emotion and so can I. Lament I should in the wake of things to lament over. All of these things belong to God so unto God I should give them - this is my prayer.
Beyond the above discussion, I think the most important thing we can do in this world is recognize that we are merely men and that God is God and that we need to give God what is God's - essentially our lives, our worship, our thankfulness. I know this may seem like gibberish to some but once you believe in God and realize that you are not God, one will start to develop a desire for Truth. I urge you to seek out Truth - read the Bible, pray to God, and talk to Christians. If God is real, he will meet you there!
BAD JOKE
So something funny last night - Some friends and I had a party for another friend who has lived in Japan and took time to visit and it was sweet. At one point, I commented that I'd try to make sure we turned on the tv in time for the dropping of the ball but insisted that we "wouldn't miss it" because the our "tivo-like" DVR box was recording the event. If we'd miss it, we could just watch it over again. Needless to say, people stared at me and then laughed. I expected nothing less.
NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS
On this first day of the year, I visited Dustin's family and had a sweet dinner with them. Of their new year's traditions, I made goals for the new year. Those were:
1. Do well in school
2. Be less busy
3. Better manage my time
4. Spend more time reading and with God
5. Try to eat healthier and be more active
6. Try to find a new small group near campus - perhaps starting one if I can't seem to find something that works for me.
We'll see how many of these I keep, however one has to shoot for something realistic in making goals so this is what I thought of off the top of my head. I've got 364 days to make these things happen so hopefully I'll take that seriously sooner rather than later.
Tomorrow I turn 24 years old. One more year until the quarter-century mark and, well, one more year that I have to my name. It's sweet that now I don't have to pay more for renting a car and I think I just might think of doing some traveling this year. Where I'll go, nobody knows - unless you ask. I like the idea of going to California, Colorado, Arizona, and perhaps some points in-between. Also, I'd like to visit the Pacific Northwest and perhaps Boston and New York. I want to see cities - I am fascinated by cities!
ON A SERIOUS NOTE
I asked for someone to pray for me on Sunday and that was sweet. Essentially, I've felt recently like I have a spiritual depression of sorts. A sadness that seems to darken my life, especially my spiritual life. Someone noted Sunday night that I used to have this perk and spring in my step, that I was a fun guy who was alive and more recently I seem depressed and dark. Why this seems to be true is up for grabs. Could it be that my addictions are killing my soul? Could it be that this whole winter thing is depressing? Could it be that I'm lonely? Yeah, probably all of that. There are probably other things going on too but as I stood their, after being prayed for, I felt waves of sadness rush over me and I knew that it had been a while since I cried and that it's okay to cry. Jesus showed emotion and so can I. Lament I should in the wake of things to lament over. All of these things belong to God so unto God I should give them - this is my prayer.
Beyond the above discussion, I think the most important thing we can do in this world is recognize that we are merely men and that God is God and that we need to give God what is God's - essentially our lives, our worship, our thankfulness. I know this may seem like gibberish to some but once you believe in God and realize that you are not God, one will start to develop a desire for Truth. I urge you to seek out Truth - read the Bible, pray to God, and talk to Christians. If God is real, he will meet you there!
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