Crazy Fall

Let me share the wonderful things God is doing in my life.

This summer started off in a slump like I have not seen in years. I thought my worth and value was determined by getting a job and succeeding. After all that's why I went to school. Nothing like a depression to help you realize that these things are not worthy of holding our hope and joy.

Several months of depression later, I finally got a part-time job doing something that I was uber-overqualified to do. I had never been more happy to pee into a cup than the day they hired me! This job has been a humbling experience and God has given me grace in it. He's even changed my attitude some, helping me find him in my service to others.

Three weeks ago, I spoke with a good friend about how I really wanted to be used by God to pastor and to expand his Kingdom. He really encouraged me and we prayed. I felt hopeful that God wanted to use me and that this pent up desire could be opened up and walked into. But God wasn't done moving.

A week later, I got off work a little early and made it to Joshua House. I came in, sat down. I started to feel the Spirit come on my as Jonathan Rue shared some words, first of which that he believed God was calling some of us to be Pastors. I came up for prayer. God took this opportunity to speak into me, to encourage his son. It was in this time I felt the Lord specifically say some things that brought a lot of encouragement.

"You are first a son. I want to bless son-ship in your life."
"You've already been given the gift of pastoring, use it."
"Don't waste what I've given you."

All I can say is thank you Lord.

A week later I went to a small group retreat and had several people pray for me there. I wanted one of my group leaders to pray for me but in typical demonic fashion, the girls restroom toilet clogged up and the leader had to help with that. How a girl might have clogged her toilet up (royally I must add), I am not sure but it was "perfect" timing.

In my leader's absence, two of my friends began to pray for me. Three distinct words seem to come out of this. First, choose my words more carefully and avoid sarcasm. Second, God has placed people in my life already that he has appointed for me to help "pastor." Third, God has a higher portion of himself for me if I am willing to pay more for it. In other words, he will give more of himself to me if I am willing to sacrifice more of myself to him. As some may be uncomfortable with this language, let me say that he is the eternal gentleman and we have to invite and willingly give over ourselves to him in order to receive what he'd have for us. As for the higher portion, I have longed for this for weeks and likewise, the Spirit has been developing in me a desire to give up all that I am and seem to control and give it to him. Past, present and future, money, possessions, debt, talents, relationships, family, church, goals, dreams, occupation, education, and more and more and really everything in my life.

The following week, I walked with Jesus in the woods. As I walked, I shared with him my heart and at key times, he shared with me his heart. I think he wants me to bless me with gifts of evangelism, and proclamation of his truth and love. He also told me he's getting me a job at an upcoming job fair. He's told me that he's got me and that he will take care of me.

Today is the day after the Current, an annual conference of the Holy Spirit Task Force of the Great Lakes Region of US Vineyard Church. (I can't make this stuff up.) It was a great weekend and God really blessed me through it. I now know a lot more and I love learning. I also think that I may speak in Tongues (though it doesn't sound like others who I know speak in tongues... an odd but beautiful Gift from the Spirit. Beyond this, I received a lot of prayer and God chose to encourage me a lot. I felt a connection with Jeff Cannell, pastor of Central Vineyard. God doesn't need the star power but it was encouraging to know that the holy angst I've had about wanting to be a pastor is not unusual. Moreover, he blessed what God was doing in my life regarding that stuff and it was quite funny as he walked away, I noticed we have very similar messenger bags, both with the logo of the Israeli Paratroopers on them. I walked away very encouraged and very tired.

Today, I get ready to go to work and I hope to write about what Salvation is about. I pray the Lord would speak to me as I try to write on paper thoughts and concepts that my parents might be able to understand as I try to communicate what Christianity and Jesus are all really about. Like so many, they are confused and hounded by sickness and the evil one. I know God desires something better for them — namely Himself and His Love. I pray that I can formalize these thoughts and communicate them to my parents.

The Lord is doing something new in my life and I am thankful. I feel like a veil has been lifted and that light can shine in like it hasn't in so long. Please pray first and foremost that I would really embrace the son-ship that God wants to bless me with and that I would not be so easily distracted by so many other, lesser things. I know that if I seek him first, the rest will follow and I pray this and really that He would continue to transform my life.

God Bless and have a good day,
Eric