JESUS HEART NOLA
Friends, I just started a facebook group for trying to get people together for a NOLA trip called "Jesus Heart NOLA: Columbus/OSU missions group" If you're interested, join up or shoot me an email, message on facebook, or comment on this post.
WHY CHURCH MEMBERSHIP?
I think a lot of college students and young people in general struggle with the question of whether or not to join a local church or join the church they attend. As this is a concept that is not necessarily addressed in the scriptures and of which there are a wide variety of opinions, the answer isn't easy.
As described by a leader at my church, church membership helps make a believer more committed and accountable to a local body of believers.
Why is this important? Quintessentially because young people do not like to be bound to any choice, especially a specific church body. Church membership implies that one give up on church shopping for the perfect pastor, service or programming. It means that you settle down, for better or worse with a community and become a part of it, invest, sacrifice, volunteer, submit, and tithe to it.
Being bound to a church body makes it easier for a body of believers to help refine you in that way only community can. We call it "holy sandpaper," this concept that the believers around us, especially through conflict, help us to become more holy by helping to reconcile our hearts to Christ. If we choose to pick up our bags and move on every time a storm comes, how will God use community to help shape us? How will we help bring the Kingdom of God into other people's lives (and our own) if we run every time we aren't satisfied with the church? If the drought is precisely where God increases our faith in Him, how does always seeking that greener grass affect our walk with Christ?
Maybe you found greener grass but watch still, even "seemingly perfect" churches will let you down! The key is realizing our faith is in Jesus, not his church. Though our faith is in Jesus, he calls us to be a part of his Bride, the Church.
WHY THE BRIDE?
Though Jesus' Bride (Church) is made up of imperfect people (like us) and hence the church will make mistakes, God continues to move through imperfect churches and helps them accomplish crazy things that can only be credited to the Father. Just as they (we) make mistakes, will we stay and initiate the process of forgiveness and reconciliation? In your qualms, should you throw out the baby with the bathwater, you naturally loose the baby! Certainly we don't want to lose the baby, but we should also deal with the bathwater correctly as doing so will help us grow as believers. If one is not committed to a congregation of believers, one will probably leave that fellowship, essentially tossing the baby and the bathwater and any possibility of growth.
You may say — "I've got my act together, I don't have issues with anyone and I feel like I'm a mature Christian, why do I need to submit to a community?" Certainly there can be times that God calls you to be alone but these are few and far between. You should not be deceived, faith in the Father is best practiced as a community, as it was in Acts and as people have been recreating for two millennia. I have some questions for you to ponder:
— What do you think has change over the past 2000 years?
— How did Jesus live his life?
— How will you love others and allow yourself to be loved by others if you isolate yourself? How will this help you "love your neighbor" or reach, baptize and disciple the nations without being in relationship with others?
— Furthermore, how will your renegade tendencies affect any future marriage you may enter into?
— Ultimately, if we can't submit to a church body, how will we submit to Jesus?
BOTTOM LINE
I strongly encourage people, regardless of age or position, to join their church or at least make a commitment to a single church, even for a limited period of time. This commitment should read something like For the foreseeable future, as lead by God, I will attend and participate in a worship service, small group, as well as a ministry or area of service and will submit (obey in action and heart condition) to church authorities and I will submit (a.k.a. lovingly commit or give) my time, energy, and money for the service of the Kingdom of God, first through my local church and second through other groups and ministries.
Going to a service at one church, a small group in another, and serving in a third is cool maybe but it negates the point of submitting to a single church and whatever God would choose to teach you and/or have you help others through that experience. If this is what you really REALLY think God is calling you to do right now - that's cool, serve away.
In the absence of a clear Word from God instructing you to split or limit your involvement with a bonafide church, you really shouldn't. Because, there is a reason why God instructs us to do this and it is to help make and mold us/others to be more like Christ as well as to help us reach the lost and help the needy. When we submit (obeying of mind and heart and hence lovingly sacrificing and giving) ourselves to one community, it sets the stage for transformation of our souls. This doesn't mean that if you have extra time, you could not participate/serve in a ministry with another church... but it does require that your first priority is to loving your congregation - short of a word from God to do otherwise. God has placed you in that church with certain gifts to help that church achieve the vision and mission God has set aside for them. When you subtract your heart or yourself from that, you mess with God's plan and this isn't a good place to be in. We want to be in his plan, not running from it. If you've given up hope on your local congregation, recommit! Look for ways you can bless one's current body (especially as they reach outward) and then look for other organizations to serve through.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
How do we move toward reconciliation?
The case for reconciliation with my roommates will be a difficult one. Why? Because I hold grudges and I'm judgmental and because recent experience has said that they do not like conflict or know how to properly deal with it.
The past month has been a cold detente - I have avoided them and they have not talked to me. There are reasons for this and I won't go into it here other than to say that we are all at fault. I will say this, there will be a resolution to the conflict and how I act and try to resolve it will have a significant impact on whether or not these people will still be my friends.
... and for a while over the past month, the decision stood that I was not and did not want to be friends with people like these and that I didn't care what happened as long as I got out of the apartment. In my mind, things could not change enough to make me want to stay and there still is doubt that they will change enough for me to want to stay. Whether I stay or leave is another matter though - one that is complicated and filled with questions about costs, inconveniences, and other issues.
DELINEATION OF TWO ISSUES:
At the end of the day, there are two issues here - 1) the people and my relationships with them, and 2) whether or not I'm going to continue living here.
1) LOVING THESE PEOPLE
On first issue, it's clear where I need to stand — like myself, these are imperfect people who loved by God and who need Him to intervene in their lives. That being said, we're all imperfect and will make mistakes and though they may not choose to resolve their errs in a biblically correct way, that doesn't preclude me from trying. This means that I should start talking again and start working stuff out with them as individuals and as a group. The way I act needs to uphold their personal dignity and show that I respect them. In other words, the way I act needs to reflect the love I should have for them. There is room for improvement here and most of it is between me and God.
2) LIVING WITH THESE PEOPLE:
On the second issue, I have to be a steward of myself and my property as well as for these people. On the issue of myself, the most important things to me right now are the pursuit of God, the love and company of friends, the pursuit of academic success, the comfort of home, and my personal happiness. I don't think it's unreasonable to suggest that my domicile should be a place where these things can happen but as of now, several functions are interrupted. For my property, it has to be cared for properly by myself and others and some of it has not been and future actions that will damage or destroy should be brought to a stop. For my roomies, I should not enable them in there actions to hurt myself or others. There have been infringements on all of these and to be fair, I have infringed on other people in a similar manor.
What does this say? Well, first of all we all make mistakes and do things that piss off our roomies. Second, some people are more sensitive than others, some other people are also more annoying and more disrespectful than most. I am probably one of those few people who are both and for someone like myself, the question is, where does one draw the line and how does someone decide to move on?
For the Christian, as I am, this is a hard issue. Short of a Word from God on whether or not to move on, I say you approach and try to resolve the issue and if this doesn't work, you move on. I think, if things appear unresolvable, then you have to question whether or not you simply don't have faith that they are resolvable or that you're simply not willing to wait. Regardless, in this resolution, love for the person is a mute point — Jesus says to love them, period.
Loving someone, however, has nothing to do with living with them, and in some cases you need to move. Showing tough love is kicking the addict out of your house because you're kindness and generosity is enabling their negative behavior. Though we'd like to say this accounts for many situations, it really doesn't. The most common problem is not that black and white of an issue and this is where I am at with my roomies. Time will tell if we can find a common ground and build a house on it or if we'll push each other away in our disdain.
How do I respond. First I pray. Second, I thank God for a house and I thank him for all of the great roomies I've had in the past, our friendships, our memories. I praise Jesus for he is good and that just as he rescued me from a life of death and evil, he will help me get through this time in my life — even if it means things get worse and I have to stay here for the next six months. Jesus will be my light, Jesus will be my salvation and I must not get bitter. I must remember the heart of the man I follow who, while he was being prepared to be crucified, said — "Forgive them Father for they don't know what they are doing." Regardless of what happens, grace and love must be on my lips as I proceed on this slippery slope.
The past month has been a cold detente - I have avoided them and they have not talked to me. There are reasons for this and I won't go into it here other than to say that we are all at fault. I will say this, there will be a resolution to the conflict and how I act and try to resolve it will have a significant impact on whether or not these people will still be my friends.
... and for a while over the past month, the decision stood that I was not and did not want to be friends with people like these and that I didn't care what happened as long as I got out of the apartment. In my mind, things could not change enough to make me want to stay and there still is doubt that they will change enough for me to want to stay. Whether I stay or leave is another matter though - one that is complicated and filled with questions about costs, inconveniences, and other issues.
DELINEATION OF TWO ISSUES:
At the end of the day, there are two issues here - 1) the people and my relationships with them, and 2) whether or not I'm going to continue living here.
1) LOVING THESE PEOPLE
On first issue, it's clear where I need to stand — like myself, these are imperfect people who loved by God and who need Him to intervene in their lives. That being said, we're all imperfect and will make mistakes and though they may not choose to resolve their errs in a biblically correct way, that doesn't preclude me from trying. This means that I should start talking again and start working stuff out with them as individuals and as a group. The way I act needs to uphold their personal dignity and show that I respect them. In other words, the way I act needs to reflect the love I should have for them. There is room for improvement here and most of it is between me and God.
2) LIVING WITH THESE PEOPLE:
On the second issue, I have to be a steward of myself and my property as well as for these people. On the issue of myself, the most important things to me right now are the pursuit of God, the love and company of friends, the pursuit of academic success, the comfort of home, and my personal happiness. I don't think it's unreasonable to suggest that my domicile should be a place where these things can happen but as of now, several functions are interrupted. For my property, it has to be cared for properly by myself and others and some of it has not been and future actions that will damage or destroy should be brought to a stop. For my roomies, I should not enable them in there actions to hurt myself or others. There have been infringements on all of these and to be fair, I have infringed on other people in a similar manor.
What does this say? Well, first of all we all make mistakes and do things that piss off our roomies. Second, some people are more sensitive than others, some other people are also more annoying and more disrespectful than most. I am probably one of those few people who are both and for someone like myself, the question is, where does one draw the line and how does someone decide to move on?
For the Christian, as I am, this is a hard issue. Short of a Word from God on whether or not to move on, I say you approach and try to resolve the issue and if this doesn't work, you move on. I think, if things appear unresolvable, then you have to question whether or not you simply don't have faith that they are resolvable or that you're simply not willing to wait. Regardless, in this resolution, love for the person is a mute point — Jesus says to love them, period.
Loving someone, however, has nothing to do with living with them, and in some cases you need to move. Showing tough love is kicking the addict out of your house because you're kindness and generosity is enabling their negative behavior. Though we'd like to say this accounts for many situations, it really doesn't. The most common problem is not that black and white of an issue and this is where I am at with my roomies. Time will tell if we can find a common ground and build a house on it or if we'll push each other away in our disdain.
How do I respond. First I pray. Second, I thank God for a house and I thank him for all of the great roomies I've had in the past, our friendships, our memories. I praise Jesus for he is good and that just as he rescued me from a life of death and evil, he will help me get through this time in my life — even if it means things get worse and I have to stay here for the next six months. Jesus will be my light, Jesus will be my salvation and I must not get bitter. I must remember the heart of the man I follow who, while he was being prepared to be crucified, said — "Forgive them Father for they don't know what they are doing." Regardless of what happens, grace and love must be on my lips as I proceed on this slippery slope.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Crazy Times
I wish I could sit here and write about how God has dictated to me every step I should take. Obviously there's a lot going on here and yet, I haven't taken the time to listen intently and God isn't yelling loud enough yet. My friend is concerned that my decision making is based more on emotion than listening to God and to be honest, this is probably true. My actions are based on the following:
— My memory of past wounds
— Words I have received in the past
— My passions and my heart
— My judgements and assumptions, and
— My fears and lack of faith.
Other than Words that God has given me - sometimes through other people, there is a lot of "me" in this decision making process... and I need more of God in here. I rely on his people, his church, his presence, and to a small degree his Word - His love letter to me - but not enough with his still small voice.
In the midst of my troubles, I question whether I am to be in grad school at all or pursue ministry as I feel a call at some point in my life to plant and pastor churches. I worry about debt, about not getting a job and I think that I have to go back to school because there will not be provision for me. A lesson God is leading me toward now is that he will bring provision for those who are following his plan, his leading and this is hard in a society on the brink of recession or even depression.
As the church decision is resolved and in two weeks my aunt's situation will be resolved, I will be left to try to scramble as hard as possible to pull out what I can from this quarter. The class that I have skipped lectures from all quarter is of particular concern - will I pass the final with enough points to end well in the course? Something in the "B" territory would be great! In another course, a professor told us that the first quarter is always the hardest and as soon as the requirements are done, we get to take fun electives of our choice and life will be better.
Though I appear to have my life together, it is in fact a mess. I counsel people all the time to try to make sure their hearts are in the right place and I tell people that I am fine with what is going on in my life and for the most part, this is true. There are three areas of deviation though — where my heart is not focused on Jesus.
1) I struggle with fear and try to stay in control to mitigate the possible results of failure. This was evident as perfectionism, now visible as OCD hording tendancies and making decisions based on fear of bad consequences rather than the hope of good outcomes. I'm not saying we optimally should hope for the best and ignore the rest. I'm saying that with God, all things are possible and we won't learn this unless he leads us down a path that will test our faith. I try to not to get into those kinds of "teachable moments" because I usually fail and they're painful!
2) I struggle with fantasy and lust as I desire an emotional escape that robs my soul and Jesus of the very times I need to trust in him the most. Then I either doubt or don't desire God to take it away because it is my precious. Everything else is what I do for people and for God but this is what I do for myself. There is no room for people who live like this in the Kingdom of God and I know this.
3) I struggle with bitterness and anger. When people do something I don't like, I get angry and this turns to bitterness. It is usually never resolved properly and so judge people and lack compassion and grace toward those who cross me, for those who cross others who I care about, for those who don't know any better. You're either with me or you're against me and this is not really the way of Jesus.
In all of these, and surely more that I won't mention (pride probably being one of them), I miss the standard - I sin. Only God can change me, with a heart that desires his change, and so I must keep praying. I must also process more of this before God and not before my shrine of a computer or at the foot of my brothers. There's a place for both but none are as important as the Father and his council and I must get back to a place where we are best friends and inseparable. He has done so much to bring my heart into alignment with his but there is still so many strongholds, so many terror cells of the enemy - Satan - that hope to see me sacrifice everything for those secret wants.
I intimately know that Satan uses our divided hearts, offering to trade us our hearts desires (that are not Jesus) in order to get us to compromise on our values, to sin, etc. He uses this to kill us, creating an underground resistance in our souls that seeks to oust God from our hearts. We must identify those areas of the heart that are rebelling and we've got to sanctify those areas, reconciling them to Jesus. I want to live a life that completely dangerously and obsessively about one thing and that is Jesus. I pray that He would hold those powers at bay and work to destroy them in my soul.
— My memory of past wounds
— Words I have received in the past
— My passions and my heart
— My judgements and assumptions, and
— My fears and lack of faith.
Other than Words that God has given me - sometimes through other people, there is a lot of "me" in this decision making process... and I need more of God in here. I rely on his people, his church, his presence, and to a small degree his Word - His love letter to me - but not enough with his still small voice.
In the midst of my troubles, I question whether I am to be in grad school at all or pursue ministry as I feel a call at some point in my life to plant and pastor churches. I worry about debt, about not getting a job and I think that I have to go back to school because there will not be provision for me. A lesson God is leading me toward now is that he will bring provision for those who are following his plan, his leading and this is hard in a society on the brink of recession or even depression.
As the church decision is resolved and in two weeks my aunt's situation will be resolved, I will be left to try to scramble as hard as possible to pull out what I can from this quarter. The class that I have skipped lectures from all quarter is of particular concern - will I pass the final with enough points to end well in the course? Something in the "B" territory would be great! In another course, a professor told us that the first quarter is always the hardest and as soon as the requirements are done, we get to take fun electives of our choice and life will be better.
Though I appear to have my life together, it is in fact a mess. I counsel people all the time to try to make sure their hearts are in the right place and I tell people that I am fine with what is going on in my life and for the most part, this is true. There are three areas of deviation though — where my heart is not focused on Jesus.
1) I struggle with fear and try to stay in control to mitigate the possible results of failure. This was evident as perfectionism, now visible as OCD hording tendancies and making decisions based on fear of bad consequences rather than the hope of good outcomes. I'm not saying we optimally should hope for the best and ignore the rest. I'm saying that with God, all things are possible and we won't learn this unless he leads us down a path that will test our faith. I try to not to get into those kinds of "teachable moments" because I usually fail and they're painful!
2) I struggle with fantasy and lust as I desire an emotional escape that robs my soul and Jesus of the very times I need to trust in him the most. Then I either doubt or don't desire God to take it away because it is my precious. Everything else is what I do for people and for God but this is what I do for myself. There is no room for people who live like this in the Kingdom of God and I know this.
3) I struggle with bitterness and anger. When people do something I don't like, I get angry and this turns to bitterness. It is usually never resolved properly and so judge people and lack compassion and grace toward those who cross me, for those who cross others who I care about, for those who don't know any better. You're either with me or you're against me and this is not really the way of Jesus.
In all of these, and surely more that I won't mention (pride probably being one of them), I miss the standard - I sin. Only God can change me, with a heart that desires his change, and so I must keep praying. I must also process more of this before God and not before my shrine of a computer or at the foot of my brothers. There's a place for both but none are as important as the Father and his council and I must get back to a place where we are best friends and inseparable. He has done so much to bring my heart into alignment with his but there is still so many strongholds, so many terror cells of the enemy - Satan - that hope to see me sacrifice everything for those secret wants.
I intimately know that Satan uses our divided hearts, offering to trade us our hearts desires (that are not Jesus) in order to get us to compromise on our values, to sin, etc. He uses this to kill us, creating an underground resistance in our souls that seeks to oust God from our hearts. We must identify those areas of the heart that are rebelling and we've got to sanctify those areas, reconciling them to Jesus. I want to live a life that completely dangerously and obsessively about one thing and that is Jesus. I pray that He would hold those powers at bay and work to destroy them in my soul.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Revolving Door Church
This post refers to the following, previously published post
I struggled to find a functional definition for a church to missionally reach a specific community in a way that would be significantly different, i.e. healthier, than the way para-church ministries do this. While talking with friends, we have recognized the concept as the "revolving door church." Most people who enter will be pushed back out into the world to go, make disciples and other churches and their training and releasing is enabled by an established and dedicated community of believers and the pastors and staff who help facilitate this.
In this definition, it's necessary to point out that (a) everyone would be able to become members of the community and accepted as such. Beyond acceptance, (b) the target population trying to be reached is able to stay or leave as they feel God is leading them so no one has to tell you to leave. I write this and realize that this is a great definition of Joshua House.
These two points, (a) and (b), are both beautiful. Point "a" means that the community can be diverse, can be inclusive no matter what, and reflects that after we accept Christ - no matter our status, race, situation (such as being a student at OSU or not) we are united in the fact that we are citizens of the blood of Christ, redeemed by him. In this realization, we share more in common with these new brothers and sisters than with anyone at any time in the history of the world. Point "b" also is equally encouraging because it allows people freedom and room for God to call them to unique callings and places, including the possibility of staying in a revolving door church for as long as you feel led - and you won't be the only one.
Not all churches function in a way where both of these points are satisfied and I think that if a church wants to reach, they've got to try to satisfy both. This would be necessary requirements for a healthy, revolving door church.
I struggled to find a functional definition for a church to missionally reach a specific community in a way that would be significantly different, i.e. healthier, than the way para-church ministries do this. While talking with friends, we have recognized the concept as the "revolving door church." Most people who enter will be pushed back out into the world to go, make disciples and other churches and their training and releasing is enabled by an established and dedicated community of believers and the pastors and staff who help facilitate this.
In this definition, it's necessary to point out that (a) everyone would be able to become members of the community and accepted as such. Beyond acceptance, (b) the target population trying to be reached is able to stay or leave as they feel God is leading them so no one has to tell you to leave. I write this and realize that this is a great definition of Joshua House.
These two points, (a) and (b), are both beautiful. Point "a" means that the community can be diverse, can be inclusive no matter what, and reflects that after we accept Christ - no matter our status, race, situation (such as being a student at OSU or not) we are united in the fact that we are citizens of the blood of Christ, redeemed by him. In this realization, we share more in common with these new brothers and sisters than with anyone at any time in the history of the world. Point "b" also is equally encouraging because it allows people freedom and room for God to call them to unique callings and places, including the possibility of staying in a revolving door church for as long as you feel led - and you won't be the only one.
Not all churches function in a way where both of these points are satisfied and I think that if a church wants to reach, they've got to try to satisfy both. This would be necessary requirements for a healthy, revolving door church.
Walking Away / Church Decision - #2
On the church choice issue, I feel as if I am more okay with this decision - to not go back. The best description that I can express is a feeling of people shooting themselves in the foot and there's nothing I can or should do about this. This whole situation is sad, horrible, and counterproductive to spreading the Gospel at OSU and I'm not going to submit myself under their authority. I am going to stop talking about their church and this situation as I know feel it may be counterproductive for them and it could cause descension and that's something I know I should avoid.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Making Choices / Church Decision #1
CHURCH CHOICE DILEMMA EXPOUNDED
I write to provide insight for those who read this about the situation I am in trying to figure out what church I am to become a part of for the next two years of my life. A lot of people may ask — Eric, why do you have to try to figure these things out and make a big deal about this stuff. Here's what I'll say...
I view the decision of submitting myself to and being a part of a church as being one of the most important decisions and things in my life. From Jesus and in part through the church, I experience joy, purpose, healing, strength, and a lot of other intangibles that I can't get from anywhere else. This is my life, my faith, my focus.
On this issue, the question of what church should I be a part of is a heavy question and one that is first of all flawed. I am a part of two bodies of believers, Mosaic and Vineyard Church of Columbus and even if I made a decision, I must realize that Iam a part of both and that this will not change.
Second, there are differences in the churches and I will not be able to affect either - they are, for the most part, static and seemingly monolithic organizations that move because God collectively directs their members to action. This is actually a good thing. Both churches have unique goals and purposes and I've got to realize this.
MOVING TOWARD CONSENSUS? - part 1
In realizing this, I am now thinking that it is not wise for me to submit myself under the leadership of Mosaic because I share vastly more in common with the Vineyard as a movement, a church, a community. In other words, their vision is guiding my life right now. Even if I tried to align myself under Mosaic, I don't know if I could. Not to question God's provision, if it is God's will that I return, I don't think it would be possible for me to "box" the things Vineyard has done to me. I'd have to do this because they have changed the way I think and the way I act and in this, some of my actions would be what I have to submit to my leadership and would become, maybe, a subject of scrutiny. I could try but I'd fail and this would maybe help but probably more likely hurt Mosaic by creating descension.
HOW DIFFERENT ARE CHURCHES?
As I talk with friends about this, it's important to note that most churches are 98% the same but the 2% are things that people can spend a lifetime battling over if they wanted to. My beef in this situation is probably a "me-being-stupid" issue over being a "2%" kind of issue and I'm not casting judgment on anyone or any church but I'll just say here and now, if it is not exclusively God's will that I go to Mosaic, I don't think I will. At the end of the day, God's will is obviously the key thing but I'm not really sure this is an area where he has a specific desired direction for me.
GODLY DECISION MAKING
Most of life's decisions are like stupid like "to eat honey-glazed ham or hickory-smoked ham?" These are situations where a right answer is not easy to discern (because obviously hickory-smoked ham is sinful - note the sarcasm). In those kinds of situations, as well as the serious ones, I think God cares about the condition of our heart and whether we are trusting Him over the outcome of the actual decision.
For those worried about God's will, don't fret as God is God and when he wants to change our minds, he can and sometimes he does. (I don't think this interferes with free choice but that's besides the point). This situation regarding the changing of church membership seems large but to my amazement has been devoid of God throwing the big neon light sign out there to tell me what to do. It has been something that I've had to explore with the help of many - thank you - and certainly a question that won't be answered easily.
MOVING TOWARD CONSENSUS - part 2
Considering this lack of neon lighted sign and the difficulty of me trying to align myself under Mosaic's leadership, I have to find some other way of making a decision. As I sit here, analyzing at least four lines of argument for or against, I realize the array of the matrix of issues is larger than I have the desire to blog about, or that you probably want to ready about. Summarizing my thoughts, here, I will try.
1. — I could probably be fruitful at both churches.
2. — There would seemingly be less discomfort and trouble at Vineyard because I'm there and I already know people.
3. — I believe I could be obedient to God regardless of what church I am ultimately at.
4. — I think I would be more happy at Vineyard.
5. — I have more faith in what God is doing at Vineyard than I do at Mosaic. I have some faith and tons of hope for what God is and could do through Mosaic and it is exciting for me but as for now, this is but hope and faith for what could be and has yet to be completed.
6. — It seems unwise for me to try to insert myself into someone else's organization and vision if I am not in 100% agreement with what they think and how they choose to do it. We will probably never be 100% in agreement but we should try to submit as best we can.
7. — I need to learn how to respect what God is leading other people to do, especially when that leading is different than the one he has given me.
8. — I need a community of people to help me with the struggles of my life. I've tried to shelf this issue as much as possible but I can't.
9. — Regardless of whether I stay or go, God has used this time to change me and grow me in my faith in him. I know I am still to take risks, still to look for better ways to invest what He has given me and this is something to focus on after this period of time.
CONCLUDING THOUGHTS
This may seem pretty obvious by now but please pray that if it is God's will that I return, I would do so obediently and with the right frame of mind.
For those praying for me and my aunt, she has now slipped officially into a coma and is sliding away. Please pray for all of this.
Also, I just finished reading Night by Elie Wiesel and you need to read this book - it will change your life.
I write to provide insight for those who read this about the situation I am in trying to figure out what church I am to become a part of for the next two years of my life. A lot of people may ask — Eric, why do you have to try to figure these things out and make a big deal about this stuff. Here's what I'll say...
I view the decision of submitting myself to and being a part of a church as being one of the most important decisions and things in my life. From Jesus and in part through the church, I experience joy, purpose, healing, strength, and a lot of other intangibles that I can't get from anywhere else. This is my life, my faith, my focus.
On this issue, the question of what church should I be a part of is a heavy question and one that is first of all flawed. I am a part of two bodies of believers, Mosaic and Vineyard Church of Columbus and even if I made a decision, I must realize that Iam a part of both and that this will not change.
Second, there are differences in the churches and I will not be able to affect either - they are, for the most part, static and seemingly monolithic organizations that move because God collectively directs their members to action. This is actually a good thing. Both churches have unique goals and purposes and I've got to realize this.
MOVING TOWARD CONSENSUS? - part 1
In realizing this, I am now thinking that it is not wise for me to submit myself under the leadership of Mosaic because I share vastly more in common with the Vineyard as a movement, a church, a community. In other words, their vision is guiding my life right now. Even if I tried to align myself under Mosaic, I don't know if I could. Not to question God's provision, if it is God's will that I return, I don't think it would be possible for me to "box" the things Vineyard has done to me. I'd have to do this because they have changed the way I think and the way I act and in this, some of my actions would be what I have to submit to my leadership and would become, maybe, a subject of scrutiny. I could try but I'd fail and this would maybe help but probably more likely hurt Mosaic by creating descension.
HOW DIFFERENT ARE CHURCHES?
As I talk with friends about this, it's important to note that most churches are 98% the same but the 2% are things that people can spend a lifetime battling over if they wanted to. My beef in this situation is probably a "me-being-stupid" issue over being a "2%" kind of issue and I'm not casting judgment on anyone or any church but I'll just say here and now, if it is not exclusively God's will that I go to Mosaic, I don't think I will. At the end of the day, God's will is obviously the key thing but I'm not really sure this is an area where he has a specific desired direction for me.
GODLY DECISION MAKING
Most of life's decisions are like stupid like "to eat honey-glazed ham or hickory-smoked ham?" These are situations where a right answer is not easy to discern (because obviously hickory-smoked ham is sinful - note the sarcasm). In those kinds of situations, as well as the serious ones, I think God cares about the condition of our heart and whether we are trusting Him over the outcome of the actual decision.
For those worried about God's will, don't fret as God is God and when he wants to change our minds, he can and sometimes he does. (I don't think this interferes with free choice but that's besides the point). This situation regarding the changing of church membership seems large but to my amazement has been devoid of God throwing the big neon light sign out there to tell me what to do. It has been something that I've had to explore with the help of many - thank you - and certainly a question that won't be answered easily.
MOVING TOWARD CONSENSUS - part 2
Considering this lack of neon lighted sign and the difficulty of me trying to align myself under Mosaic's leadership, I have to find some other way of making a decision. As I sit here, analyzing at least four lines of argument for or against, I realize the array of the matrix of issues is larger than I have the desire to blog about, or that you probably want to ready about. Summarizing my thoughts, here, I will try.
1. — I could probably be fruitful at both churches.
2. — There would seemingly be less discomfort and trouble at Vineyard because I'm there and I already know people.
3. — I believe I could be obedient to God regardless of what church I am ultimately at.
4. — I think I would be more happy at Vineyard.
5. — I have more faith in what God is doing at Vineyard than I do at Mosaic. I have some faith and tons of hope for what God is and could do through Mosaic and it is exciting for me but as for now, this is but hope and faith for what could be and has yet to be completed.
6. — It seems unwise for me to try to insert myself into someone else's organization and vision if I am not in 100% agreement with what they think and how they choose to do it. We will probably never be 100% in agreement but we should try to submit as best we can.
7. — I need to learn how to respect what God is leading other people to do, especially when that leading is different than the one he has given me.
8. — I need a community of people to help me with the struggles of my life. I've tried to shelf this issue as much as possible but I can't.
9. — Regardless of whether I stay or go, God has used this time to change me and grow me in my faith in him. I know I am still to take risks, still to look for better ways to invest what He has given me and this is something to focus on after this period of time.
CONCLUDING THOUGHTS
This may seem pretty obvious by now but please pray that if it is God's will that I return, I would do so obediently and with the right frame of mind.
For those praying for me and my aunt, she has now slipped officially into a coma and is sliding away. Please pray for all of this.
Also, I just finished reading Night by Elie Wiesel and you need to read this book - it will change your life.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Please Pray
Please pray for me for this time between now and through this weekend. At this hour, I have a complicated project that is due by 5:30pm tomorrow of which I will probably have difficulty finishing. Inside this hour, I've just found out that my aunt, who has been very ill and recently living in a nursing home somehow fell and hit her head and now she is virtually unconscious and expected to die within days if not hours. I had hoped to see her this weekend to spend time with her one last time but I will probably be spending the time cleaning up her apartment and grieving.
Please pray that I would have the strength to get through the next 24 hours as well as to deal with her impending death and to be able to cope through this time of brokenness. God has really been moving in me, leading me through a period of brokenness over the past two weeks and two months and I need him more than ever. Please pray.
In the past month, I have felt God's calling to possibly switch churches and I am meeting with a pastor on Friday at 11:30am. Please pray for this meeting as this is going to be emotionally difficult and a test of whether God's providence is really with me in following up on this leading to help invest and grow this ministry. I love Vineyard and I know if things don't work out, I'll be back at JH in no time but I feel like God's calling me to take a risk and I'm acting on it. Please pray for wisdom and for God to increase discernment in my life, especially over these issues.
Please pray that I would have the strength to get through the next 24 hours as well as to deal with her impending death and to be able to cope through this time of brokenness. God has really been moving in me, leading me through a period of brokenness over the past two weeks and two months and I need him more than ever. Please pray.
In the past month, I have felt God's calling to possibly switch churches and I am meeting with a pastor on Friday at 11:30am. Please pray for this meeting as this is going to be emotionally difficult and a test of whether God's providence is really with me in following up on this leading to help invest and grow this ministry. I love Vineyard and I know if things don't work out, I'll be back at JH in no time but I feel like God's calling me to take a risk and I'm acting on it. Please pray for wisdom and for God to increase discernment in my life, especially over these issues.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Saturday, November 3, 2007
I cannot move mountains
I cannot move mountains. I can't - but there are mountains in the way. Only God can move mountains and so we pray, or at least I should. And here's a revelation, I'm bad about making sure to consult God on stuff, on trying to discern his will, praying about things, etc.
These mountains are the situations and people around me, I have no control over the fact that my aunt is dying and will be dead within a couple months. I have no control over the fact that there are some pretty f-ed up things going on at the church I feel like God is calling me too. I can't control the fact that I have lust issues. I can't control the fact that I don't really have a lot of friends and can't get along with my roomies. I can't control anything and in this state of brokenness there is Jesus.
Jesus has big eyes and he stares at me from across the hallway and says, "come here son, come here." I am so occupied and distraught with the politics and the drama of church and friends. I am so overwhelmed and yet running away from the fact my aunt is dying one of the most painful and cruel deaths I can think of - beyond the cross. I have little patience for any and all of this and on most days, if I could move away to the countryside and live alone in a small trailer, I would. This is where the depression sets in.
I know that following Jesus is a hard road. Every time my aunt screams in pain, I wince and become nauseous. I wonder, is this how Jesus' disciples felt when they saw him being put on the cross? This life is fleeing from us and all around us will burn in the days of judgment.
This sounds harsh and it is supposed to be. Some of you reading this may think I'm crazy but the truth is, even if you don't believe in God, all of the money and things in the world will mean nothing to you when you are dead. You can't bring them with you and the second truth is that all of the money and things in the world should not mean a thing to you when you are alive either because money can't by you love - or happiness. I digress but I guess as I realize life is short and resources to get an education are limited, this leads me to start making decisions toward things that are important in my life and I hope I consult the Lord.
Regarding the church, I am realizing I cannot save the day and this was a really naive thought I had within the last few months. Lesson learned - check! So now I must ask, am I still to stay at this new church home? I'm not in community, I don't feel welcomed, I don't feel like this is a good idea and yet the question that people keep peppering me with is "do you feel led to be here?"
And there is silence.
I don't know.
I would have said yes a few days ago but I feel like if I come back, the whole world will be against me from the pastor to the lay people, minus a friend or two. I don't want to be somewhere where I'm not welcomed, loved, desired, a part of the community. Yes, it takes time to become a part of this but it can't be all one sided, one sided relationships never work out. If it is just too hard, I will leave because I am not a rock, I am not strong, I am not invincible. There are churches that work here in Columbus and I guess you realize their value when you step into other communities for a while. I have a feeling that there will be a season of crying over the next few months. Maybe its because I am reading Elie Wiesel's Night and with the pervasiveness of death and evil around me, I long for God's Kingdom to break through and for the Lord to rescue me.
Lord, Father I ask - how did I find myself here in midst of so much death and decay - please help me find my way back to the light of your people, I miss them so much!
These mountains are the situations and people around me, I have no control over the fact that my aunt is dying and will be dead within a couple months. I have no control over the fact that there are some pretty f-ed up things going on at the church I feel like God is calling me too. I can't control the fact that I have lust issues. I can't control the fact that I don't really have a lot of friends and can't get along with my roomies. I can't control anything and in this state of brokenness there is Jesus.
Jesus has big eyes and he stares at me from across the hallway and says, "come here son, come here." I am so occupied and distraught with the politics and the drama of church and friends. I am so overwhelmed and yet running away from the fact my aunt is dying one of the most painful and cruel deaths I can think of - beyond the cross. I have little patience for any and all of this and on most days, if I could move away to the countryside and live alone in a small trailer, I would. This is where the depression sets in.
I know that following Jesus is a hard road. Every time my aunt screams in pain, I wince and become nauseous. I wonder, is this how Jesus' disciples felt when they saw him being put on the cross? This life is fleeing from us and all around us will burn in the days of judgment.
This sounds harsh and it is supposed to be. Some of you reading this may think I'm crazy but the truth is, even if you don't believe in God, all of the money and things in the world will mean nothing to you when you are dead. You can't bring them with you and the second truth is that all of the money and things in the world should not mean a thing to you when you are alive either because money can't by you love - or happiness. I digress but I guess as I realize life is short and resources to get an education are limited, this leads me to start making decisions toward things that are important in my life and I hope I consult the Lord.
Regarding the church, I am realizing I cannot save the day and this was a really naive thought I had within the last few months. Lesson learned - check! So now I must ask, am I still to stay at this new church home? I'm not in community, I don't feel welcomed, I don't feel like this is a good idea and yet the question that people keep peppering me with is "do you feel led to be here?"
And there is silence.
I don't know.
I would have said yes a few days ago but I feel like if I come back, the whole world will be against me from the pastor to the lay people, minus a friend or two. I don't want to be somewhere where I'm not welcomed, loved, desired, a part of the community. Yes, it takes time to become a part of this but it can't be all one sided, one sided relationships never work out. If it is just too hard, I will leave because I am not a rock, I am not strong, I am not invincible. There are churches that work here in Columbus and I guess you realize their value when you step into other communities for a while. I have a feeling that there will be a season of crying over the next few months. Maybe its because I am reading Elie Wiesel's Night and with the pervasiveness of death and evil around me, I long for God's Kingdom to break through and for the Lord to rescue me.
Lord, Father I ask - how did I find myself here in midst of so much death and decay - please help me find my way back to the light of your people, I miss them so much!
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