Of the things I hate about grad school....

I felt like I needed to vent. Of the things I hate about grad school, there are fewer and fewer people who know anything about what you're researching or writing about. I have a question about something that was done like 38 years ago and despite 1. talking to the local agency director, 2. talking to a few folks who work for the state of Ohio, and 3. searching on Google for probably an hour - I have yet to find what I'm looking for.

Not because anyone will be able to help but for your enjoyment. So why are Newark, Lancaster, and some other city in Ohio classified as CDBG (community development block grant) entitlement cities? Entitlement communities have to have pops over 50,000 or be the central cities of a metropolitan area and well, neither are either. They may have been in the 1970s (and if I could find a map of MSAs from the 1970 census...grrr). Libraries have these kinds of things but it may be on microfiche and probably isn't readily available or indexed (you don't search for a map of MSAs to find what you're looking for if you know what I mean). Anyway, none of this is really all that important for my paper as I keep getting distracted from working on it.

Two paragraphs of six pages now done and it's 8pm on Saturday. I've still got about 36 hours before it's due but I have a cold and I plan on going to two church services tomorrow and to work Monday morning. Will I get done? Will I have to skip work again? Will I arrive late, find the last parking spot at the top of the parking garage adjacent to our building (a faith enhancing experience!)? Stay tuned I guess. Maybe not as exciting as James Bond but I've got one thing up on 007, my life is real.

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Meanwhile, I'm getting laid off at the end of December and haven't taken the time to apply for another job yet. All I can say is that I like Ohio but I think I'm going to do everyone (fellow unemployed job seekers) a favor when I graduate and leave this sorry, jobless state in search for another. If I read one more brain-drain article in the Columbus Dispatch, I'm going to freak out....

Thankfulness

So why a picture of Rich and Marlene? The first excuse is that it was a test to try to see if I could get the html for a photo hosted on another web site to work in the signature section of gmail (for a friend). The answer to that one is, no it doesn't work - you have to add a picture to the signature manually on each email so oh well....

So why a picture of Rich and Marlene? So why did I go to the annual congregational meeting (me and 50 other people, over half on staff with the church)? Can I say that I am glad, thankful, happy that they chose to obey God and fulfill His plan in using them at our church. Though I have not always been thrilled with my church and at times angered, hurt and disillusioned, without it there would be nothing. I am thankful for this man's obedience to God of which I say is greater than mine and I am thankful that I get to receive some of those blessings that have flowed out of their toil. Certainly there are others who should be thanked and for you, thank you for your work, your obedience, your sacrifice.

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I have dreams.
I have hopes.
...and these are of me.

Certainly I have counselors, friends, and pastors who would say that our dreams, our hopes are of the Lord, that he gives them to us and this is true but I want to lay these down for such dreams, such hopes are not to be raised up, not to be idolized, not to be pursued.

Instead we are to pray.

More than my dreams, my hope, my desire, my dream is that I will live the life I am called to live, according to the plan and provision of the Father. I pray I would be obedient and only worship and seek after the Father.

My hope, my dream is that I will some day get to plant churches and pastor a congregation, I desire to be used and to see people released from their chains to do the work of the Kingdom, to see revival, to see redemption. The church, in many respects, has been emasculated (literally and figuratively) and it is because we are trying to do the wrong things under our power when we should be trying to do the right things with His Power. I want to be a part of a community that is seeking after the Lord fervently and pursuing all that he'd have for us, obeying all that he would instruct us to do. I have a lot of that now but it is only in part, limited by the fickle nature of adulterous hearts, namely mine. I have a desire to communicate truth, especially through the arts and through speech and writing.

And even if I am to do this and more, it would be for nothing if it was not God calling me to do this so I say here — Lord have your way with me, guide my steps, guide my thoughts, guide my soul. All I am is yours, do as you will....

All honor, glory, and power is yours Lord, even if I am to be a prisoner, a martyr, a fool, if it brings you Glory and it is what you call me to do, may it be Father.

And I pray Father that you will heal me, build me up, teach me in your ways, discipline me Lord. Father, I pray and I ask that I will live a life pleasing to you, that you would be glorified, that I would know you ever so intimately, Father.