So maybe I have more of a reason to update this thing given that I linked it to Facebook but obviously, it's just one of the million things striving for my attention. This week was fun including cooking for 30 on the same day I had a public finance midterm while within the past 48 hours I had a mild allergic reaction to my antibiotic (which resulted in an ER visit) and, well, lots and lots of being stressed out.
And so I have a list of people I haven't talked to that's a mile long. I have a thing at the church that I thought about going to tonight. I've scheduled sabbath times for the past 6 weeks and largely ignored them. I've got laundry in the wash that just ended that needs to be put in the dryer. I think I'm starting to get a headache. I'm supposed to watch Battlestar Galactica with friends tonight. I'm needing food and, well, needing to take a rest and hopefully it will be in that order.... I think I need to chill out.
For those I haven't seen for a while, know I love you and I'm very busy and freaking out. I dropped my second major, am trying to graduate in the Spring, which means I'm taking comps and going to APA while one of the courses covered in my comps will not be completed until after I finish comps (slightly freaking me out as if I fail comps, I would be delayed in my graduation). The meds I'm on right now aren't really helping any of this and on that note, I think I'm going to take a break.
I had a good counseling session on Tuesday. I really think I might have made more of a breakthrough and its pretty sweet. I've got three healing prayers to share.
1) Soccer: I remembered feeling different and inferior at a soccer practice. We're standing around and I just really felt like something was wrong. Jesus comes into the memory and lines us up. He starts touching boys on their heads and they look up to him and he moves down the line and he touches me and tells me I am just like the rest of these boys, I am loved and valued by Him.
2) Lunch Room: I felt alone and separated from the group. Jesus comes to sit down next to me and starts to weep for he knows how lonely I feel. I feel that I know Jesus is close and that he feels my pain. He tells me that he has been there and that he is with me.
3) Stepping out of the gunk: I have a vision of myself standing in wet concrete up to my mid-calf. Though Jesus has at times asked me to step out and in other times has picked me up and pulled me out of the concrete, I keep getting back in. I felt like the concrete was something that I poured around myself in the hopes that it would get hard and I would be prevented from escaping it and following the Lord. I felt like it was the result of the anger and hatred for God that erupted in my life during the depression and faith crisis that swallowed the end of the summer of my Junior year. Closer prayer revealed the concrete was really some other stuff. I looked at it and I thought it was porn. My counselor who was praying with me thought she saw snakes (yes, freaky). She leads me in a prayer to encourage me to step out of the stuff and I do. After this prayer, I feel light and free and like something's really happened. My counselor sees him lead me to a picnic table with my future wife. I hear him say that He desires to use me to bring hope to the captives and to free the prisoners. Absolutely powerful and amazing.
Those are some updates and I wish I could say more but I have laundry to do...
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