Ecclesiastes 7:2
It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart.
These is how Matt Chandler ponders upon the realities at hand; recently being diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor, of which the surgeons were unable to fully remove. Chemo and radiation start after the first of the year. Matt presses on as he believes that there is still more that the Lord desires for him to do as a pastor, teacher, husband, and father. See his video update here.
I am thankful for you Matt and I pray that someday I could serve the Lord like you!
Curling up with a Matt Chandler podcast is a moment of sanity and learning in an otherwise dry and desolate place. Post graduate school, I find that I need stimulation — especially because I don't get it at work. I love to learn, and more so, I desire to be more like Jesus. Not all the time, I must confess, but enough that when I do desire it, I sit and listen and learn! This man has helped shape me in ways I wish I could express. I am thankful and I pray that I can be used likewise in my life.
And it's quarter-life crisis time, again.
This time for real. I have both a Bachelor's and a Master's, I work at a call center, and I wonder when is the time that I'll get to actually live life and do something. This, of course, neglects the fact that I am doing just that right now, except that I'm assuming that right now doesn't count and that it's a waste until later. That's of course not true but this is what it seems like. I am one of many smart, educated, and talented young professionals trapped in dead-end jobs waiting for the job market to catch up with the labor market.
I'm learning to be okay with it but honestly, I wonder now why I majored in what I majored in and how I'll ever be able to get a job in it when the markets free up a bit. By then, there will be tons of fresh bodies out of school. I think about what education I'll get next to separate me from the pack. I think about what I've got to do to make it work — "just hold on, if I just do one more thing I can make it all work out..."
There I go again, placing faith in education and not God. Certainly education is good and encouraged by the church and the Bible but there's a narrow line that gets trounced all the time. Simply, one's worth is NOT dependent upon one's job, and second, one's education (and education leveraged by lots and lots of loan money) will NOT guarantee a job. I wish I knew this earlier and if I did, I probably would have tried harder to get a job out of undergraduate school or majored in something I had a 100% likelihood of getting a job with.
Maybe it is in this time that I need to more seriously consider church planting and theological education. Not because I need something more to help me get a job but because maybe without such a perfect storm, I'd never stop to ask "is this the career I wanted all along?" Certainly God could choose to let me know about such a call without such crazy things as a recession and the like, I don't want to imply that circumstances alone bring me to this conclusion. More than circumstances, I desire (a lot of the time) to be a pastor and a church planter, to be used by the Lord to help grow and disciple his Church. I pray that I have opportunities to do this, and Lord willing, that I could do this as my job.
I will rejoice no matter the outcome of this season, but knowing that he's in control and desires something good for me helps me to have hope. He has provided thus far, just what I've needed and my prayer is that he'll bring me all the way through his plan and eventually call me home. If I remain a poor man who dies at an early age and lives a life that Glorifies him, I will be happy. Lord, please show me how to live a life that Glorifies you, help me best fulfill your plans and purposes for my life.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
An Ambition for Hell?
I'm taking some time to digest. I just finished watching the movie There Will Be Blood and have found it quite disturbing. Why? Because perhaps I identify more with Daniel Plainview that I'd like to admit. Like Plainview, I have an appetite to be an ambitious man.
Perhaps a measure of ambition is a quality of all men. In some it is extinguished when they lose faith in their ability to do anything useful — or in other words they believe they are failures. Still others may cease trying because they know that their ambition has or could become a God, leading them to abandon or disregard their responsibilities. Knowing this, still a few more indulge their ambition and go for it no matter the cost, as shown by Plainview's example in the film.
As someone who has a measure of ambition, and perhaps some hopes and dreams, how can one pursue such ambitions without allowing one's life and faith to be hi-jacked and from turning into a Daniel Plainview?
Bringing it home, I realize that the moments where I turn toward and press into the Lord are usually the moments right after I realize that I have failed again. When I realize I have failed at holding to the Lord's standard or, more regularly, failed at being "successful" in pursuing my own desires (and realize how inferior they are to the Lord and all that he longs to offer to me). I must praise Jesus that I am not more "successful" (by worldly standards) for success is seemingly an indicator that you are doing something right. I praise Jesus for Grace for I am not "succeeding," whatever that means, by the Lord's standard.
And again, I get bored and start to once again pursue something else to hold my time, suit my fancy. This past week it was adding some really cool plug-ins to SimCity 4 and starting to build a new region. Slightly fun but ultimately frustrating and more so an udder waste of time and worship.
Less trivial, I have been working on some projects between phone calls at work. In short, an analysis of where the missing opportunities are for incorporating simple technology into new and old homes to make them more energy and resource efficient. A noble goal and something that I find quite interesting. Somewhere in my mind I believe that I could be successful at integrating these technologies and seeing homes built that embrace them. Other than desiring to be an entrepreneur who wears jeans, gets my hands dirty, and works from my home or a workshop, I really desire no fame or adoration. I'm not planning my life-time achievement award or anything. I am so conflicted because the things that matter like pressing in to Jesus and seeing his will done through loving, serving, and carrying my cross seem to pale in comparison to the more futile desires of succeeding in games or at other "noble pursuits."
A few years back, I was at a Breathe Festival and while praying, I heard a small voice saying that he wanted me to get rid of my computer, camera, and basically all of my technology equipment. Not wanting to accept that it was from the Lord and not believing that it was necessary to follow through, I chose not to. Though I can't be certain that this was the Lord or that I have really made an error here, the wisdom has become clearer. Every morning I wake up and bow down to the computer idol, getting email, news and weather from the internet. I could be praying and thanking God that I am alive and well, able to do his work for hopefully another day. No, I am busy with my own vain pursuits. I could say there are worse pursuits but such distinctions don't really matter in God's economy.
The point here is simple, God needs to be first and I need to leave it all to him. If something good happens, it is by his grace. If nothing "good" from my perspective seems to happen, so be it for I will be in my Father's house soon enough and the troubles of this world will be behind me.
And back to ambitions, are these bad or good, and are they mine or given to me from him? I think some would think that we need to look at what the ambitions are, and what we are sacrificing in order to pursue them. Some may be tempted to try to parse out a grid-work of what are good and bad ambitions or goals. I'll try to make it as simple as possible:
We should make it our ambition to love Jesus and follow his instruction, both commandments in the Word and what we hear from him in prayer. Everything else is secondary, period.
For any ambitions that remain, they must be secondary to this first ambition and this first ambition leads to one place and that's to the cross where we come and die every day for the rest of our lives. This is a tough word but it is a wonderful word. I don't have to do it, I don't have to succeed to make it. All I need to do is submit to his leading and direction and allow him to do what he is going to do.
And does this mean that we abandon our ambitions and goals? If the Lord says abandon these desires, then yes, release and repent of these distractions and additions. On the contrary, if the Lord has given us these ambitions and desires for us to healthily pursue in a way that is within his Will and desires for our lives and the lives of those around us, then pursue them as he allows. Pursue in prayer, with all our minds and with the strength of our hands. It is important to keep placing these things at the feet of the cross and continually ask, Lord, do you (still) want me to pursue this to which you have called me to strive and persevere for? Brothers and sisters, be faithful, let this be your act of worship!
The Lord will provide for me. I pray that I will get to be an entrepreneur and have the joy of being able to work with my hands and see the fruits of my labor. Whether that's through my job, or with my dreams, my family, my friends, or perhaps never in any practical or apparent way, I will forever praise the name of the Lord because he is worthy and my life is his, it was bought by the blood of Jesus and I place my hope in him and not some flimsy and worthless ambition. These things will all wilt, die, and eventually burn. What remains is the Word, the Truth, the Trinity, and millions of souls exclaiming Worthy is the Lamb of God! There will always be work to be done here but it should never come at the expense of our faith, our worship, and our love for all and most especially those who by the divine plan of God were meant to intersect with our lives.
Matthew 6
19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
22"The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. 23But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
24"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Perhaps a measure of ambition is a quality of all men. In some it is extinguished when they lose faith in their ability to do anything useful — or in other words they believe they are failures. Still others may cease trying because they know that their ambition has or could become a God, leading them to abandon or disregard their responsibilities. Knowing this, still a few more indulge their ambition and go for it no matter the cost, as shown by Plainview's example in the film.
As someone who has a measure of ambition, and perhaps some hopes and dreams, how can one pursue such ambitions without allowing one's life and faith to be hi-jacked and from turning into a Daniel Plainview?
Bringing it home, I realize that the moments where I turn toward and press into the Lord are usually the moments right after I realize that I have failed again. When I realize I have failed at holding to the Lord's standard or, more regularly, failed at being "successful" in pursuing my own desires (and realize how inferior they are to the Lord and all that he longs to offer to me). I must praise Jesus that I am not more "successful" (by worldly standards) for success is seemingly an indicator that you are doing something right. I praise Jesus for Grace for I am not "succeeding," whatever that means, by the Lord's standard.
And again, I get bored and start to once again pursue something else to hold my time, suit my fancy. This past week it was adding some really cool plug-ins to SimCity 4 and starting to build a new region. Slightly fun but ultimately frustrating and more so an udder waste of time and worship.
Less trivial, I have been working on some projects between phone calls at work. In short, an analysis of where the missing opportunities are for incorporating simple technology into new and old homes to make them more energy and resource efficient. A noble goal and something that I find quite interesting. Somewhere in my mind I believe that I could be successful at integrating these technologies and seeing homes built that embrace them. Other than desiring to be an entrepreneur who wears jeans, gets my hands dirty, and works from my home or a workshop, I really desire no fame or adoration. I'm not planning my life-time achievement award or anything. I am so conflicted because the things that matter like pressing in to Jesus and seeing his will done through loving, serving, and carrying my cross seem to pale in comparison to the more futile desires of succeeding in games or at other "noble pursuits."
A few years back, I was at a Breathe Festival and while praying, I heard a small voice saying that he wanted me to get rid of my computer, camera, and basically all of my technology equipment. Not wanting to accept that it was from the Lord and not believing that it was necessary to follow through, I chose not to. Though I can't be certain that this was the Lord or that I have really made an error here, the wisdom has become clearer. Every morning I wake up and bow down to the computer idol, getting email, news and weather from the internet. I could be praying and thanking God that I am alive and well, able to do his work for hopefully another day. No, I am busy with my own vain pursuits. I could say there are worse pursuits but such distinctions don't really matter in God's economy.
The point here is simple, God needs to be first and I need to leave it all to him. If something good happens, it is by his grace. If nothing "good" from my perspective seems to happen, so be it for I will be in my Father's house soon enough and the troubles of this world will be behind me.
And back to ambitions, are these bad or good, and are they mine or given to me from him? I think some would think that we need to look at what the ambitions are, and what we are sacrificing in order to pursue them. Some may be tempted to try to parse out a grid-work of what are good and bad ambitions or goals. I'll try to make it as simple as possible:
We should make it our ambition to love Jesus and follow his instruction, both commandments in the Word and what we hear from him in prayer. Everything else is secondary, period.
For any ambitions that remain, they must be secondary to this first ambition and this first ambition leads to one place and that's to the cross where we come and die every day for the rest of our lives. This is a tough word but it is a wonderful word. I don't have to do it, I don't have to succeed to make it. All I need to do is submit to his leading and direction and allow him to do what he is going to do.
And does this mean that we abandon our ambitions and goals? If the Lord says abandon these desires, then yes, release and repent of these distractions and additions. On the contrary, if the Lord has given us these ambitions and desires for us to healthily pursue in a way that is within his Will and desires for our lives and the lives of those around us, then pursue them as he allows. Pursue in prayer, with all our minds and with the strength of our hands. It is important to keep placing these things at the feet of the cross and continually ask, Lord, do you (still) want me to pursue this to which you have called me to strive and persevere for? Brothers and sisters, be faithful, let this be your act of worship!
The Lord will provide for me. I pray that I will get to be an entrepreneur and have the joy of being able to work with my hands and see the fruits of my labor. Whether that's through my job, or with my dreams, my family, my friends, or perhaps never in any practical or apparent way, I will forever praise the name of the Lord because he is worthy and my life is his, it was bought by the blood of Jesus and I place my hope in him and not some flimsy and worthless ambition. These things will all wilt, die, and eventually burn. What remains is the Word, the Truth, the Trinity, and millions of souls exclaiming Worthy is the Lamb of God! There will always be work to be done here but it should never come at the expense of our faith, our worship, and our love for all and most especially those who by the divine plan of God were meant to intersect with our lives.
Matthew 6
19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
22"The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. 23But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
24"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Corgan Christmas
Billy Corgan's newest Christmas Song
I heard it while on hold at work... what's going on with this world? Something good, yeah!
Anyway, things are going okay. It's getting colder, wet-er, and windy-er. That's right, winter is upon us and soon there will be snow, lots of beautiful, mind-altering, joy-filled snow!!! I can't wait for the snow! I love it, oh I love it.
Beyond the weather, I'm pushing along. Being poor (by American standards) isn't all that bad. I bet there will be some tight spots soon but it isn't all that bad. So far things are working with the little income I have and hopefully I'll get some more to help me pay down my debt. If you know of job leads, send them my way!
ttyl,
eric
I heard it while on hold at work... what's going on with this world? Something good, yeah!
Anyway, things are going okay. It's getting colder, wet-er, and windy-er. That's right, winter is upon us and soon there will be snow, lots of beautiful, mind-altering, joy-filled snow!!! I can't wait for the snow! I love it, oh I love it.
Beyond the weather, I'm pushing along. Being poor (by American standards) isn't all that bad. I bet there will be some tight spots soon but it isn't all that bad. So far things are working with the little income I have and hopefully I'll get some more to help me pay down my debt. If you know of job leads, send them my way!
ttyl,
eric
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