Freedom? — Yes, Freedom in Christ

On Sunday, I put on my solar heat collector (black graduation robe) and marched into Ohio Stadium. Three hours later I had three photographs of me taken as I walked up to someone who wore a more fancy robe than I, shook their hand, and received my white envelope. In side, a piece of paper recognizing my two years of work and the result of $40,000 of student loans. Dazed and realizing this is probably the last time I'll get to walk on the field at Ohio Stadium, I took a few minutes to soak up the moment. Looking around, I saw parents and family members snapping shots of the graduates as well as fellow graduates getting into groups and taking photographs on the field. Many were excited and full of emotion. I stood there holding my crocks (shoes) in one hand and my diploma in the other. My bare feet trying to pinch the fake grass between my toes, striving for some sense of awareness. Minutes later, I walked through crowds of very diverse families — some waiting and others rejoicing and taking photographs with their new graduates. Regardless of ethnicity or race, Black families, Indian families, Asian families, and White families alike were celebrating the achievement of their newest graduate family member. I wonder why they are so excited. Was graduating from college such a challenge or even a question? I know that not all graduate and I know from friends that it can sometimes take a full decade to get through as an undergrad. Regardless, graduating the first time felt normal and now, graduating for the second time it felt surreal as I walked through the crowds toward my father who came to watch the ceremony.

A few days later, I sit unemployed and looking at job postings. Many are in far away places and I'm fine with moving but in many respects, I don't want to move on. In many respects moving on seems like something that would be paralyzing and come at the wrong time.... I finally have time for art, pursuing God and relationships, and most importantly, I finally have met someone I really like and I think that it's safe to say we're dating. Beyond the anxiety, this could be a really good season to stay in Columbus for... with the sole exception of the whole employment thing. The number of choices seem crippling and everything being up in the air (thinking about moving again) at the same time seems at times as if it is too much to bear. While in school, the directive was simple: pay money (loans), do the work well, pass classes, work internships, and graduate. Now, it is get a job (more outside of my control than I'm usually comfortable with) and live life. There's little structure and lots of ambiguity.

I don't like this place but I know that this is the place where faith grows. This is the place where I need to come to Jesus in prayer and ask, Lord — what should I do? In many respects, I don't expect a bright neon sign or an audible voice but the Lord has been clear with me about such things before and he can do so again. If anything is apparent over the past few years, pursuing what he wants for me is the best thing that I can do in my life. In many aspects I have dreams and aspirations and though I do believe God moves and works through those things as well, I believe he has plans and processes that he moves us through to mature us, to draw us closer to him, to help us increase in the measure of Christ-likeness. If this is a time that will lead to those things, all the more wonderful a season this will be. In past years I've felt like my life has been on hold and now I can be more purposeful about finding and walking out the things he'd have for me — hopefully here but if I need to move, hopefully wherever I go. All of this makes me nervous but I know Christ is with me and in him, I can survive and thrive in the season of unknown around the corner.... My desire is to grow in him and I pray that this happens in great abundance over the this season.