Sunday, February 22, 2009
Nice Photography
A nice flash video from The Dispatch. I hope to make some similar presentations and link them....
Friday, February 13, 2009
What's going on
So maybe I have more of a reason to update this thing given that I linked it to Facebook but obviously, it's just one of the million things striving for my attention. This week was fun including cooking for 30 on the same day I had a public finance midterm while within the past 48 hours I had a mild allergic reaction to my antibiotic (which resulted in an ER visit) and, well, lots and lots of being stressed out.
And so I have a list of people I haven't talked to that's a mile long. I have a thing at the church that I thought about going to tonight. I've scheduled sabbath times for the past 6 weeks and largely ignored them. I've got laundry in the wash that just ended that needs to be put in the dryer. I think I'm starting to get a headache. I'm supposed to watch Battlestar Galactica with friends tonight. I'm needing food and, well, needing to take a rest and hopefully it will be in that order.... I think I need to chill out.
For those I haven't seen for a while, know I love you and I'm very busy and freaking out. I dropped my second major, am trying to graduate in the Spring, which means I'm taking comps and going to APA while one of the courses covered in my comps will not be completed until after I finish comps (slightly freaking me out as if I fail comps, I would be delayed in my graduation). The meds I'm on right now aren't really helping any of this and on that note, I think I'm going to take a break.
I had a good counseling session on Tuesday. I really think I might have made more of a breakthrough and its pretty sweet. I've got three healing prayers to share.
1) Soccer: I remembered feeling different and inferior at a soccer practice. We're standing around and I just really felt like something was wrong. Jesus comes into the memory and lines us up. He starts touching boys on their heads and they look up to him and he moves down the line and he touches me and tells me I am just like the rest of these boys, I am loved and valued by Him.
2) Lunch Room: I felt alone and separated from the group. Jesus comes to sit down next to me and starts to weep for he knows how lonely I feel. I feel that I know Jesus is close and that he feels my pain. He tells me that he has been there and that he is with me.
3) Stepping out of the gunk: I have a vision of myself standing in wet concrete up to my mid-calf. Though Jesus has at times asked me to step out and in other times has picked me up and pulled me out of the concrete, I keep getting back in. I felt like the concrete was something that I poured around myself in the hopes that it would get hard and I would be prevented from escaping it and following the Lord. I felt like it was the result of the anger and hatred for God that erupted in my life during the depression and faith crisis that swallowed the end of the summer of my Junior year. Closer prayer revealed the concrete was really some other stuff. I looked at it and I thought it was porn. My counselor who was praying with me thought she saw snakes (yes, freaky). She leads me in a prayer to encourage me to step out of the stuff and I do. After this prayer, I feel light and free and like something's really happened. My counselor sees him lead me to a picnic table with my future wife. I hear him say that He desires to use me to bring hope to the captives and to free the prisoners. Absolutely powerful and amazing.
Those are some updates and I wish I could say more but I have laundry to do...
And so I have a list of people I haven't talked to that's a mile long. I have a thing at the church that I thought about going to tonight. I've scheduled sabbath times for the past 6 weeks and largely ignored them. I've got laundry in the wash that just ended that needs to be put in the dryer. I think I'm starting to get a headache. I'm supposed to watch Battlestar Galactica with friends tonight. I'm needing food and, well, needing to take a rest and hopefully it will be in that order.... I think I need to chill out.
For those I haven't seen for a while, know I love you and I'm very busy and freaking out. I dropped my second major, am trying to graduate in the Spring, which means I'm taking comps and going to APA while one of the courses covered in my comps will not be completed until after I finish comps (slightly freaking me out as if I fail comps, I would be delayed in my graduation). The meds I'm on right now aren't really helping any of this and on that note, I think I'm going to take a break.
I had a good counseling session on Tuesday. I really think I might have made more of a breakthrough and its pretty sweet. I've got three healing prayers to share.
1) Soccer: I remembered feeling different and inferior at a soccer practice. We're standing around and I just really felt like something was wrong. Jesus comes into the memory and lines us up. He starts touching boys on their heads and they look up to him and he moves down the line and he touches me and tells me I am just like the rest of these boys, I am loved and valued by Him.
2) Lunch Room: I felt alone and separated from the group. Jesus comes to sit down next to me and starts to weep for he knows how lonely I feel. I feel that I know Jesus is close and that he feels my pain. He tells me that he has been there and that he is with me.
3) Stepping out of the gunk: I have a vision of myself standing in wet concrete up to my mid-calf. Though Jesus has at times asked me to step out and in other times has picked me up and pulled me out of the concrete, I keep getting back in. I felt like the concrete was something that I poured around myself in the hopes that it would get hard and I would be prevented from escaping it and following the Lord. I felt like it was the result of the anger and hatred for God that erupted in my life during the depression and faith crisis that swallowed the end of the summer of my Junior year. Closer prayer revealed the concrete was really some other stuff. I looked at it and I thought it was porn. My counselor who was praying with me thought she saw snakes (yes, freaky). She leads me in a prayer to encourage me to step out of the stuff and I do. After this prayer, I feel light and free and like something's really happened. My counselor sees him lead me to a picnic table with my future wife. I hear him say that He desires to use me to bring hope to the captives and to free the prisoners. Absolutely powerful and amazing.
Those are some updates and I wish I could say more but I have laundry to do...
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Linked to Facebook?!?
So I know this information is accessible and recorded for posterity and I worry not because I have nothing to hide. Though this is the case, for the second time, I'll have a blog connected to facebook or otherwise findable with my real name. This is a little scary given that a) relatives found my last blog and freaked out that I might want to be pastor (I know, a really crazy thing when they're dems who know not God), and b) I need to get hired at some point. To be fair, the link is available so friends (with some exceptions) can find it but maybe I won't just write for nothing — that is beyond Jesus who I am sure reads my rambles.
Generation Me
I don't have much time to type and I'll expound on this later but today we watched the documentary IOUSA in class and wow. It isn't as if I didn't know our deficit was big but I guess it's bigger than I ever thought. Maybe I should move to China in about, um, now.... and I can catch the wave. Anyway, I started thinking about this as the generation me affect. Yes, there's a book with the same title and this is unrelated.
We (everyone younger than 35) learned very well from the baby boomers how we should live our lives. With the thrust to get rid of conservatism and usher in the sexual revolution, generation me (baby boomers) taught us how to live. After the right to pursue sex, drug use, divorces, and debt, things are going better right? Now, their spawn is a generation that believes experimenting with same sex is something cool to do in high school (though probably in middle school or younger). These children are more empowered and yet empty, depressed (the real message of the book Generation Me: Why Today's Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled--and More Miserable Than Ever Before ).
This country is on a collision course with destruction. We've lost our way on almost every front and yet, for some reason, people are oblivious. It's time to wake up America, its time we realize that we are the last, best hope for democracy and freedom. Our challenges over the next 8 years are:
1) re-establishing freedom,
2) cutting the debt and entitlements (federal and personal), and
3) addressing global warming.
If we can do these three, we can be okay but at this rate, we'll be toast if we don't see change soon and to make change, we need to start one foot at a time. I am under no dilution, I know that politics is not the answer (Jesus is) but ultimately it is the dimension we need results in if we're going to see change, real change toward a conservative and responsible government. We've got to make it popular to save, popular to help each other, popular to embrace values that have guided our nation. We've got to try to stop this train wreck (no values, no cash, no capacity to fight, no industry to build, no leadership, no country to defend)! At some point, it's just going to be what I want and nothing more. Bankers, terrorist, and the Chinese will not be giving you an Xbox360 and ask you to stay out of the way. No, if they could, they'd repo your box, put a bullet in your head, and/or give you a shovel and get your ass to work — respectively.
I wish and I hope Obama could be that man, who helps lead us out of this, but so far we're seeing more of the same and this time it especially hurts because some of us really thought that he'd bring the change he promised. Seeing stimulus bills that are full of pork and democratic wish-list items (usually one in the same) at a time like this is, well, very very disappointing. This is what I'd expect from the Bush administration and this is what we hoped would not come from the Obama administration. All I can say is that I was going to vote for him but on the day that matters, I chose not to vote for the populist, verging on fascistic candidate. Perhaps my words are harsh but when a man can do no wrong in the eyes of so many and the media, it makes me nervous and it should make you nervous as well.
We (everyone younger than 35) learned very well from the baby boomers how we should live our lives. With the thrust to get rid of conservatism and usher in the sexual revolution, generation me (baby boomers) taught us how to live. After the right to pursue sex, drug use, divorces, and debt, things are going better right? Now, their spawn is a generation that believes experimenting with same sex is something cool to do in high school (though probably in middle school or younger). These children are more empowered and yet empty, depressed (the real message of the book Generation Me: Why Today's Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled--and More Miserable Than Ever Before ).
This country is on a collision course with destruction. We've lost our way on almost every front and yet, for some reason, people are oblivious. It's time to wake up America, its time we realize that we are the last, best hope for democracy and freedom. Our challenges over the next 8 years are:
1) re-establishing freedom,
2) cutting the debt and entitlements (federal and personal), and
3) addressing global warming.
If we can do these three, we can be okay but at this rate, we'll be toast if we don't see change soon and to make change, we need to start one foot at a time. I am under no dilution, I know that politics is not the answer (Jesus is) but ultimately it is the dimension we need results in if we're going to see change, real change toward a conservative and responsible government. We've got to make it popular to save, popular to help each other, popular to embrace values that have guided our nation. We've got to try to stop this train wreck (no values, no cash, no capacity to fight, no industry to build, no leadership, no country to defend)! At some point, it's just going to be what I want and nothing more. Bankers, terrorist, and the Chinese will not be giving you an Xbox360 and ask you to stay out of the way. No, if they could, they'd repo your box, put a bullet in your head, and/or give you a shovel and get your ass to work — respectively.
I wish and I hope Obama could be that man, who helps lead us out of this, but so far we're seeing more of the same and this time it especially hurts because some of us really thought that he'd bring the change he promised. Seeing stimulus bills that are full of pork and democratic wish-list items (usually one in the same) at a time like this is, well, very very disappointing. This is what I'd expect from the Bush administration and this is what we hoped would not come from the Obama administration. All I can say is that I was going to vote for him but on the day that matters, I chose not to vote for the populist, verging on fascistic candidate. Perhaps my words are harsh but when a man can do no wrong in the eyes of so many and the media, it makes me nervous and it should make you nervous as well.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Brokenness does not wait for an opportune time
Friends, can I tell you that brokenness does not wait for an opportune time? That when God knocks, you will answer. It started with a debilitating amount of senioritis and procrastination — I just simply didn't want to do what I needed to do. Rather than work on an assignment for my program evaluation course, I just couldn't stop thinking about how bad I wanted out of the program, out of school and away from this stuff. I hate it. I started freaking out, called a few friends. One called back. Fighting back tears, I had to admit that I feel like I'm going crazy and that I feel like I am a total failure and doomed to unemployment because I just can't do this one assignment — by far one of the hardest I've had at Ohio State. My friend tried to tell me that it was just an assignment, just a class and he was right but the thing was that I had built my worth on the idea that I was going to double master at OSU, that I was going to have these two pieces of paper that would mean more than the next guy and help me get jobs that would pay money and make me happy because I wouldn't be sitting around drowning in debt and despair. Motivated by fear, I felt like I was making a safe choice to try for something higher. And like that, the cards crumbled.
That was yesterday — this is today. Today, I went to work and then skipped this class I want to drop. Finally called the student health center about an appointment to get a boil or cyst removed from my gluteal cleft. Today is Monday, the next appointment is Friday (WTF?!?!). I was instructed that I could go to an urgent care I went to an urgent care center, and I did only to find an hour long wait. At a second urgent care, I got into a room within 15 minutes and was laying face-down and naked on a table. The doctor started pushing on the spot, asking me where it hurt the most and, tell you the truth, it didn't hurt as much as it does when I sit. I'm not sure why but I got the feeling that I'm making a big deal out of nothing. He told me he couldn't figure out where it is specifically (so he could cut it open and drain it) so I should take antibiotics and pain killers and come back in 10 days or sooner if it starts to hurt more, gets larger, or doesn't go away.
For the rest of the day, I've done virtually nothing and it feels great. Later, I'll start working on an assignment due Thursday but tonight I'm going to hang out with a friend and it will be smashing. Tomorrow, two classes, one of which we'll watch a movie in and then I'll work more on my assignment.
You know, I hate public policy and if I'm making the wrong decision, it costs me a year where I work somewhere and then take classes for the quarter that I need and then I'm gone. No big deal — but for now, it's not something I want to put myself through on a whim or a fear of not succeeding, of not getting a job, of failing. Jesus is the one who defines me and no one and not anything else. At this point (quarter #20 at OSU), I need out and I need a job. I pray God will provide and I'm willing to follow his lead, move or whatever I need to do to get that job and I pray the Lord will provide.
...And if no dice, one may just ask Obama, where's my bailout?
That was yesterday — this is today. Today, I went to work and then skipped this class I want to drop. Finally called the student health center about an appointment to get a boil or cyst removed from my gluteal cleft. Today is Monday, the next appointment is Friday (WTF?!?!). I was instructed that I could go to an urgent care I went to an urgent care center, and I did only to find an hour long wait. At a second urgent care, I got into a room within 15 minutes and was laying face-down and naked on a table. The doctor started pushing on the spot, asking me where it hurt the most and, tell you the truth, it didn't hurt as much as it does when I sit. I'm not sure why but I got the feeling that I'm making a big deal out of nothing. He told me he couldn't figure out where it is specifically (so he could cut it open and drain it) so I should take antibiotics and pain killers and come back in 10 days or sooner if it starts to hurt more, gets larger, or doesn't go away.
For the rest of the day, I've done virtually nothing and it feels great. Later, I'll start working on an assignment due Thursday but tonight I'm going to hang out with a friend and it will be smashing. Tomorrow, two classes, one of which we'll watch a movie in and then I'll work more on my assignment.
You know, I hate public policy and if I'm making the wrong decision, it costs me a year where I work somewhere and then take classes for the quarter that I need and then I'm gone. No big deal — but for now, it's not something I want to put myself through on a whim or a fear of not succeeding, of not getting a job, of failing. Jesus is the one who defines me and no one and not anything else. At this point (quarter #20 at OSU), I need out and I need a job. I pray God will provide and I'm willing to follow his lead, move or whatever I need to do to get that job and I pray the Lord will provide.
...And if no dice, one may just ask Obama, where's my bailout?
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