19 days until I graduate — praise Jesus!

Praise you Jesus for I graduate in 19 days and it is time to move on with the rest of your life for me. I don't know what awaits but I know you'll be there, you love me, and I trust that you are good and that you will provide!

Of course 19 days is a long time and it's not over yet. Things are getting downright murderous in response to problems and delays in one of my courses. The others are difficult and will become issues soon enough. So I take a couple minutes to chill out, post a post and maybe pray some.

I am realizing that I am completely dependent upon the good work of the Lord to bring about the change that I desire in my life. I will not be able to change my heart, change my attractions from evil to good, change my desires from bad things to things that are of the Lord! I can accomplish none of this but with Christ, all of these things are possible! I will try to be obedient and position myself and I pray that he will heal and change and transform — He will receive the Glory! He is worth of Praise! Oh my soul aches because his work regarding key things is not complete in me — but I can have hope because I know he makes all things new. Praise Jesus that I do not stand condemned but that I stand as friend and that he loves me oh so much.

Oh, I long to know and love the Father more and more. Oh, I long to know the Spirit all the more — his warm touch and embrace, better than any high. Oh, I wish that I felt you daily, that I would hear your voice daily. I feel like I am one of those who will perish for lack of knowledge, lack of faith — Lord, give me that faith! give me that Trust! These are but gifts that you apportion, increase my faith, increase my trust! Sustain me today, help me grow in you.

And Lord, please provide me a job — a way to pay for the indebtedness that I should have never shouldered. Owned by the debt, I ask you provide a way for me to release this from my yoke — principally, I ask that you'd give me a job for which I can work and try to release the debt quickly.

What can I say?

Lord, I declare again that I am yours. You know the wayward ways of my heart and all that I can say is that I am wrong, I am sorry (on some level) and that I eagerly desire you to continue sanctifying me, changing my heart, making me want to love and honor you more.

On a lighter note, I met a girl. Actually I've known her for a while — she laughs at my jokes, I feel all funny inside when I'm around her. I think she's cute and she told me that she really likes me as well. This is all weird and new to me — I've never dated anyone before. I'm struggling to understand how I feel and what all of this means. I wish it was straight forward but it's all complicated — not with her but with me. I know that's a cliché but it seems so true right now. Perhaps it is the enemy, perhaps it is fear . . . Lord I need clarity, I need your guidance.

Beyond that, comps went okay. I hope I passed. I'm really at the mercy of my instructors. The job hunt is slow and I don't really have a lot of time for it right now. For now, Lord, I need you to guide my path, get me a job, give me direction. Lord, lead me to do my part and you do the rest.

Praise you father