Entrapped?

"The dividing line between good and evil was not between peoples but right down the middle of every human heart."
- Aleksander Solzhenitsyn.


So one of my closest friends tells me today, clearer than I've heard him speak in a while, be careful because I don't want you to be like the White Knight who saves the day and then gets stabbed in the back. He tells me this because I have made a serious error. I have just dived off the side of the pool and while in mid air and unable to do anything about what I have done up to this point, realize that I am diving into the shallow end of the pool. Ahead of me is first a few feet of water followed by an instrument of discipline - the concrete bottom of the pool. I could be paralyzed, I could die. In this moment, I have to realize that God works all things for the greater glory and that he disciplines the ones he loves. The bottom of the pool may appear to be impending doom but in reality, it is his grace for without correction, we would not be able to call ourselves sons and daughters and, in this, we would most likely fall away from the Lord.

My motives and my desires fall within two categories, good and evil. In this situation, God has given me the desire to help those in need and bless them with what he has blessed me with. Unfortunately, the desires and giftings God has given me also lead to sin, especially pride and self-sufficiency. The worst combination of the two is something my friend calls the savior complex - the desire to always come into a situation and fix it regardless of whether or not it's God's will - or even the desire of the people who you want to help. This may be for God's Glory or for my glory but because you did not wait for God's timing, you are not doing this in God's power or of God's blessing and like walking down the up escalator, it will be difficult to accomplish your goals.

God calls us to pick up his easy yoke, pick up his cross and follow him - not chart our own course or to try to find out how much we can do without Him. If it is without Him, it will be fruitless and will burn like the rest of the things of this world. I must desire and ultimately need to be aligned with and following God's will and the shocker today is that I am not necessarily submitting in this.

Certainly I have desires that are not his and even if I say they are his, I know they're not. Of all of my desires, some of those are in line with the heart and will of the Father but when I jump ahead, fill in blanks, don't wait patiently, don't take enough time to listen in the silence - I fail to wait, actively, and do what I think is best which of course is not best and not God's will things blow up in my face (surprise, surprise).... By the time God comes back, I've got a golden calf ready and I'm worshiping it and then — He speaks.

I am the way the truth and the light. Come follow me for my burden is easy and my yoke is light. I am salvation. Choose what is better and it will not be taken away from you. I love you. I died for your sins: past, present, and future. Don't fret for the joy of the Father is found in placing the sheep on his father's shoulders and carrying it all the way home. He disciplines the ones who he loves. He who began a good work in you will carry it to completion.

I must learn what it means to actively wait for God to move and when I know more about this, I'll certainly put it down here.