New Start

I write this from the dining room of my new place. Thanks to the graciousness of my roommate, landlord and friend, I can have my computer and desk in the dining room. I am thankful because without this I would be typing in a stuffy basement away from the view of those who could comfort, encourage, and hold me accountable. A year of being a recluse may soon be worked out of me.

I am thankful to the Lord that he has provided this house for me to live in, to enjoy with some great roommates. These are great roommates that I will quarrel with, celebrate with, and pursue You with. I am so rough around the edges, so jealous, so greedy, so envious, so depraved and yet now I live in someone else's house of who I need to respect, love, follow, and bless. I will fail but from my failure will come grace and lessons learned, this will be a good year.

And yet at work today, by far the worst day yet, I really question whether I want to continue pursuing planning or really anything else like that. This one internship can't reflect on what all of planning must be like but I'll say that I don't want to spend the rest of my working years (or even just one more year) sifting through development text, making plans, working with the public, babying developers to make sure they implement the changes you required, etc. Oh the work required to help shape a city into the gem that everyone hopes for — the work must be rewarding (still trying to get that feeling) but perhaps not for me.

I would rather help shape individuals and communities of believers over cities and nations. These things will crumble and burn but building up people and churches, that work will stand for eternity. And in no way is this more evident than this stupid bikeway project I'm working on. The trails without maintenance will just fall a part and though the city required developers to build them, there's no money to maintain them. In our rough economic times, few are worried about taking care of bikepaths that run next to superior neighborhood streets for one's riding pleasure. I'm trying to be conservative regarding my approach but it really isn't my decision. And paths built just 15 to 10 years ago are already breaking apart and will require gobs of money to fix.

Compare this with the fruit of one's labor in teaching and preaching, in praying and building up fellow believers. Today I felt like my slow computer was eating my soul and leading me toward death and yet, last night while praying for a friend and possibly helping to heal her of a painful fall, I felt alive and with purpose. Doing the work of the Kingdom is my hope for a career and if I'm supposed to get out of this, I pray God would do something soon.

And that something may have little if anything to do with getting me out of the program or workplace. In fact, who am I to say that this wandering path will not lead directly to where I feel like God's eventually leading me. Planning teaches you a lot about how not to lead, plan, etc. and this will lead to blessing for the church. Certainly the career path matches my skills but just not my desire for a more vibrant, more faithful, more alive church. And as I write this, I am reminded again that it is Christ who does all of this and yet so much more — I have no power to make any of these things happen yet we know Christ uses people to bring about his will, his purpose, his Kingdom. I wish to be one of those people.

So tomorrow I'm eating left over Chipotlé stored in one of our two fridges. Maybe I'll get some significant GIS work done tomorrow, maybe I'll feel better about using my skills to improve people's lives even in a seemingly insignificant way. In this time, God is moving to change me, to mold me, to make me more like Him. Who knew the awkward times trying to figure out what to do at work, trying to be honest, trying to deal with rush hour traffic could, perhaps, build character? Could be used to help us understand that we are not the center of the universe (from Matt Chandler).

Jesus, you're the center of the universe and I want you more than everything else and if I have to loose my life (abandon my degree, career, etc.) to follow you, I will.

I love you Dad,
All Glory, Honor, and Power is yours Amen!