How do we move toward reconciliation?

The case for reconciliation with my roommates will be a difficult one. Why? Because I hold grudges and I'm judgmental and because recent experience has said that they do not like conflict or know how to properly deal with it.

The past month has been a cold detente - I have avoided them and they have not talked to me. There are reasons for this and I won't go into it here other than to say that we are all at fault. I will say this, there will be a resolution to the conflict and how I act and try to resolve it will have a significant impact on whether or not these people will still be my friends.

... and for a while over the past month, the decision stood that I was not and did not want to be friends with people like these and that I didn't care what happened as long as I got out of the apartment. In my mind, things could not change enough to make me want to stay and there still is doubt that they will change enough for me to want to stay. Whether I stay or leave is another matter though - one that is complicated and filled with questions about costs, inconveniences, and other issues.

DELINEATION OF TWO ISSUES:
At the end of the day, there are two issues here - 1) the people and my relationships with them, and 2) whether or not I'm going to continue living here.

1) LOVING THESE PEOPLE
On first issue, it's clear where I need to stand — like myself, these are imperfect people who loved by God and who need Him to intervene in their lives. That being said, we're all imperfect and will make mistakes and though they may not choose to resolve their errs in a biblically correct way, that doesn't preclude me from trying. This means that I should start talking again and start working stuff out with them as individuals and as a group. The way I act needs to uphold their personal dignity and show that I respect them. In other words, the way I act needs to reflect the love I should have for them. There is room for improvement here and most of it is between me and God.

2) LIVING WITH THESE PEOPLE:
On the second issue, I have to be a steward of myself and my property as well as for these people. On the issue of myself, the most important things to me right now are the pursuit of God, the love and company of friends, the pursuit of academic success, the comfort of home, and my personal happiness. I don't think it's unreasonable to suggest that my domicile should be a place where these things can happen but as of now, several functions are interrupted. For my property, it has to be cared for properly by myself and others and some of it has not been and future actions that will damage or destroy should be brought to a stop. For my roomies, I should not enable them in there actions to hurt myself or others. There have been infringements on all of these and to be fair, I have infringed on other people in a similar manor.

What does this say? Well, first of all we all make mistakes and do things that piss off our roomies. Second, some people are more sensitive than others, some other people are also more annoying and more disrespectful than most. I am probably one of those few people who are both and for someone like myself, the question is, where does one draw the line and how does someone decide to move on?

For the Christian, as I am, this is a hard issue. Short of a Word from God on whether or not to move on, I say you approach and try to resolve the issue and if this doesn't work, you move on. I think, if things appear unresolvable, then you have to question whether or not you simply don't have faith that they are resolvable or that you're simply not willing to wait. Regardless, in this resolution, love for the person is a mute point — Jesus says to love them, period.

Loving someone, however, has nothing to do with living with them, and in some cases you need to move. Showing tough love is kicking the addict out of your house because you're kindness and generosity is enabling their negative behavior. Though we'd like to say this accounts for many situations, it really doesn't. The most common problem is not that black and white of an issue and this is where I am at with my roomies. Time will tell if we can find a common ground and build a house on it or if we'll push each other away in our disdain.

How do I respond. First I pray. Second, I thank God for a house and I thank him for all of the great roomies I've had in the past, our friendships, our memories. I praise Jesus for he is good and that just as he rescued me from a life of death and evil, he will help me get through this time in my life — even if it means things get worse and I have to stay here for the next six months. Jesus will be my light, Jesus will be my salvation and I must not get bitter. I must remember the heart of the man I follow who, while he was being prepared to be crucified, said — "Forgive them Father for they don't know what they are doing." Regardless of what happens, grace and love must be on my lips as I proceed on this slippery slope.