Hey, quick post here.
I've got this plant in my bedroom that has leaves and vines around the room. It's green (no, I haven't killed it yet) and usually is in good health. I must admit that while busy with work and friends, I have neglected it at times. I came home a few days ago and noticed its leaves were drooping.
Naturally, I realized it had too much water so I threw it out the window....err, just kidding. No, I watered it (as obviously it needed water) and the leaves came back to life. Not only that, when you water it a lot (of which is okay for this plant), water gets soaked up and moves up the vines to the leaves where it forms little water droplets at the ends of each leaf and sometimes along the vine its self.
Life with Christ is very similar. When we're filled with his water (Holy Spirit), it will naturally move through us and be visible to others, even dripping on those around us. Oh I long to be so full of the Spirit that I just glisten with him and where others would desire the Spirit as well. Of course it's not water but rather love, peace, patience, kindness, mercy, grace, charity, humility, compassion, righteousness, etc. In that place, I find my Savior and He helps to show me my purpose -- to love Him and others. There's such a joy in being in the Spirit and being used for His purposes, not mine but His! That is as he calls and directs and provides for, not as I assume and try and fail and stumble.
For those who we don't chat on a regular basis, know this. Life has been hard for so long and I think it's because I like carrying my yoke. I like trying to do things and seeing my fruit. I regularly reject God on a daily basis so that I can do things my way and under my power. This is obviously foolishness but you don't see that until you believe it in your heart. I'm getting there but in the mean time, I think I'm going to start the Holy and needed practice of giving up stuff. Rather than a spirit of apathy -- "Oh, I just give up, I can't do it, this is too hard, etc.," this is a spirit of freedom -- "I give up on this and release this in the Name of Jesus Christ." It is for Freedom that Jesus came and as followers, we should embrace that freedom.
And the rubber hits the road in two avenues right now in my life.
1) I need to give up on the aspirations of becoming a leader or really of becoming anything. It is all as loss, it is all vain, it is all not of God. I'm not saying that being a leader or anything else isn't good, but if it's not what God's (audibly) calling you to right now, for-git-a-bout-it. As personal experience can testify, this issue of calling and desires for positions and authority can lead to great anguish and frustration, driving a wedge between you and other leaders, believers, and really God. These things become idols and our God is jealous, our spirits are able to worship one thing and God knows that. We will eventually realize it (and hopefully sooner rather than later).
2) I need to stop living life as if I am in control and pursuing what I want. Simply put, I need to be immersed in the word and prayer daily and more if possible. I don't and I reap the consequences -- my leaves are withered and I am disheartened ... and that's on good days. On bad days, I am angry and anxious, under attack and just going crazy. I think everyone's out to get me and that no one loves me.
Imagine it like this... we have beautiful temple courts inside our minds and it is in these places where we are to meditate on God and the Word and keep it near. These bad days feel like Katrina, a rush of flood waters carrying up the lies of my past and accusations of the enemy and layers of guilt and anguish just cover everything. If you've had the privilege of cleaning up after a flood, you know what I'm talking about. When we're in God and in the Word, there will be some protection against these floods ... but without, we are like lambs being leading ourselves to the slaughter, we are like children playing tag with knives, we are like people who are standing in the rain and scolding God for it despite the fact that shelter is near by. Should you find yourself here, know that God is the best "contractor" to clean up the flood waters (think ServePro). He will come in and clean things out, he will comfort us, he will make things new again! God will bring us comfort and help us move past these times, and as he sanctifies us, we can only hope that our trust and faith in him will grow and that we will stay closer to him.
So I don't have this down but I pray that I grow closer to God on a daily basis, enjoying the Word and his Spirit. This is the way he intended it and this is not the means to some end. The end must be God, otherwise you'll be chasing an idol and let me tell you that it will not satisfy!
As Donny says, "Stay Thirsty" for the Lord as only he can satisfy.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Resilience — an interesting concept
I liked this article and I wanted to keep it as well as share it with others so read it if you'd like. Very interesting.
Resilience and smart growth
By Robert Steuteville
We’ve written that New Urbanism and smart growth offer advantages in “sustainability,” a term that expresses the capacity of society and the environment to endure for the long term. Sustainability is a popular and useful word — yet one that also has shortcomings. It begs the question, for example, of what we want to sustain. Those who are invested in suburban, automobile-dependent living may contend that their way of life deserves sustenance — regardless of its impact on carbon emissions. The federal government’s recent bailout of bad mortgages is a policy that kept many suburbs afloat.
Sustainability implies judgments that divide people. We run the risk of sounding self-righteous when we argue that urban patterns are more sustainable than sprawl. So the question must be asked: Is there a less divisive and more precise way to make this argument?
Andrew McMurry, an associate professor at the University of Waterloo, Ontario, argues that “resilience” is a better word. “To be resilient suggests an inner toughness: the strength, as its etymology tells us, to ‘jump back’ to a previous state,” McMurry says in “The Rhetoric of Resilience,” published February 17 in Alternatives Journal. “Sustainability, by contrast, suggests a defensive posture: a desire to stay the same, to resist change, without the attractive ability to push back against change and win out.”
The idea of resilience is appealing because it gets beyond arguments that plague “sustainability.” Many who resist this term attack the science of climate change or projections of shortages of resources like oil. They are successful in casting doubt because both the best scientific judgments and the future are inherently in doubt.
Resilience, on the other hand, doesn’t carry that baggage. It is based on the idea of risk — a universally accepted fact of life. Nobody can say whether a house will burn down or a driver will be involved in an accident. Yet the need for fire and automobile insurance is rarely questioned from any political perspective. Insurance increases resilience. If the worst happens, it’s better to be covered.
Parallels with smart growth
I see many parallels between New Urbanism and smart growth and resilience. We don’t know what the future will be, but we suspect that it will be warmer and will include less oil. Maybe global warming skeptics are right — and maybe ExxonMobil is on target in assuring us that massive new oil reserves will be found in the near future. But how resilient are we if the skeptics or that company are wrong, or if any number of unforeseen problems jeopardize the current system?
The answer is: not very. The communities we have built in the last 60 years, especially in the US, are mostly dependent on car and truck transport. If this system fails because petroleum gets very expensive due to declining reserves, or if global warming or geopolitical forces impose constraints on oil use, we are in trouble. Efficient walking and mass transit are impossible in most places. Some will say the answer is alternative fuel vehicles, but what about the cost and the time required for making the transition? Counting on technologies that have not been developed or adopted on a broad scale is not resilient.
Walkable, mixed use communities, by contrast, have been around for thousands of years — and they work regardless of whose vision of the future turns out to be right. If the future demands more mass transit, walking, and bicycling, then compact urban places facilitate that change.
There are many who say that everything will work out just fine if we keep to the status quo. Most experts made similar arguments when housing prices were rising to unprecedented levels fueled by lax lending standards in the first half of the last decade. Don’t worry — be happy. But that attitude lacked resilience, and we have paid dearly for the shortfall.
So here’s to resilience, and to the hope that this concept gains wider currency in environmental and economic discussions.
This article is available in the April-May, 2010 issue of New Urban News, along with images and many more articles not available online. Subscribe or order the individual issue. http://www.newurbannews.com
Resilience and smart growth
By Robert Steuteville
We’ve written that New Urbanism and smart growth offer advantages in “sustainability,” a term that expresses the capacity of society and the environment to endure for the long term. Sustainability is a popular and useful word — yet one that also has shortcomings. It begs the question, for example, of what we want to sustain. Those who are invested in suburban, automobile-dependent living may contend that their way of life deserves sustenance — regardless of its impact on carbon emissions. The federal government’s recent bailout of bad mortgages is a policy that kept many suburbs afloat.
Sustainability implies judgments that divide people. We run the risk of sounding self-righteous when we argue that urban patterns are more sustainable than sprawl. So the question must be asked: Is there a less divisive and more precise way to make this argument?
Andrew McMurry, an associate professor at the University of Waterloo, Ontario, argues that “resilience” is a better word. “To be resilient suggests an inner toughness: the strength, as its etymology tells us, to ‘jump back’ to a previous state,” McMurry says in “The Rhetoric of Resilience,” published February 17 in Alternatives Journal. “Sustainability, by contrast, suggests a defensive posture: a desire to stay the same, to resist change, without the attractive ability to push back against change and win out.”
The idea of resilience is appealing because it gets beyond arguments that plague “sustainability.” Many who resist this term attack the science of climate change or projections of shortages of resources like oil. They are successful in casting doubt because both the best scientific judgments and the future are inherently in doubt.
Resilience, on the other hand, doesn’t carry that baggage. It is based on the idea of risk — a universally accepted fact of life. Nobody can say whether a house will burn down or a driver will be involved in an accident. Yet the need for fire and automobile insurance is rarely questioned from any political perspective. Insurance increases resilience. If the worst happens, it’s better to be covered.
Parallels with smart growth
I see many parallels between New Urbanism and smart growth and resilience. We don’t know what the future will be, but we suspect that it will be warmer and will include less oil. Maybe global warming skeptics are right — and maybe ExxonMobil is on target in assuring us that massive new oil reserves will be found in the near future. But how resilient are we if the skeptics or that company are wrong, or if any number of unforeseen problems jeopardize the current system?
The answer is: not very. The communities we have built in the last 60 years, especially in the US, are mostly dependent on car and truck transport. If this system fails because petroleum gets very expensive due to declining reserves, or if global warming or geopolitical forces impose constraints on oil use, we are in trouble. Efficient walking and mass transit are impossible in most places. Some will say the answer is alternative fuel vehicles, but what about the cost and the time required for making the transition? Counting on technologies that have not been developed or adopted on a broad scale is not resilient.
Walkable, mixed use communities, by contrast, have been around for thousands of years — and they work regardless of whose vision of the future turns out to be right. If the future demands more mass transit, walking, and bicycling, then compact urban places facilitate that change.
There are many who say that everything will work out just fine if we keep to the status quo. Most experts made similar arguments when housing prices were rising to unprecedented levels fueled by lax lending standards in the first half of the last decade. Don’t worry — be happy. But that attitude lacked resilience, and we have paid dearly for the shortfall.
So here’s to resilience, and to the hope that this concept gains wider currency in environmental and economic discussions.
This article is available in the April-May, 2010 issue of New Urban News, along with images and many more articles not available online. Subscribe or order the individual issue. http://www.newurbannews.com
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Sam Harris is an idiot
I watched what I believe where most likely excerpts of Sam Harris' TED conference appearance and I am deeply disappointed. Though I am largely unread and have not heard a lot that Harris and some of his counterparts have to say about religion, I am going to respond. In my opinion, I've heard enough.
Harris, in the 3 minutes I heard, tries to generalize all religions as bad and a distraction from the real issues facing the world. More than a distraction, he goes on to state that because of religion, we have suffering and horrible acts committed against people. His answer, throw out the baby with the bathwater and get rid of all religion — we can make up our own moral code.
Harris seems bright but I would have to guess that the real reason why we find ourselves in the situations he describes is because we have already thrown out those moral codes and decided to do whatever the hell we want. In short, the assumption that they're (religions) all bad so choose mine seems to break his first presupposition - that they're all bad. Secular humanism is a religion, and the god is society and really ourselves and how we can be self actualized to "do good" according to our definition. And our definition can change and be corrupted (thinking Nazi Germany)... but the secular humanist trap is that we can look forward into the glorious future and do better, that we don't have to be condemned to repeat the past. Great ideas, but we always do. Why? Could it be that there is something larger at play? Could it be that we always screw it up? There's always someone trying to take the reigns and achieve their ends?
Harris doesn't like Christianity (according to what I saw) because we discriminate against homosexuals and because people believe things counter to what Christians believe. Yes Christians believe that God wants us to live a certain way to achieve certain ends, notably to be more like Jesus. Few find this attractive or desirable and, again, make it about themselves — how can I be a better person/Christian. Jesus' call is to come and die and find your life in him, according to his rules (love of, grace from, and relationship with and submission to Jesus). Christians don't get to make it up, they get to follow and submit to Christ. This is based on love and a real relationship with a God who is not seen.
Yes, it is crazy to the world but we ask the Lord to meet us and he does. We see glimpses and realize that our world isn't quite the way we all thought that it was. We realize what we thought was solid was hollow, what we thought was red was blue, what we thought was right side up was upside down. This makes absolutists and scientists nervous and elicits the harshest of responses. We were told to expect this and we keep the faith because we know that our God doesn't need letters after his name or publications and approval from peers to be "trustworthy" or have university/institutional credibility. (Similar to street cred but amongst those academics who live their whole lives in the ivory tower).
And to address the criticisms on the rejection of homosexuality and the adherence to a moral absolutism in a era of relativism, let me address the second first. If I disagree with Harris, does that mean that we should get rid of my opinion and his as well because we can't find agreement on it? This is his logic, if there's disagreement, there must be no universal truth. I think it's quite simple — there is a universal truth and someone just doesn't happen to know what that is. I think this is an easier argument to make and the issue would become who is right and who's wrong.
This is something that I think makes sense to Harris as he pleads to push his religion of anti-theism and secular humanism. Christians believe they're right (even though most are confused at best about what they believe, specifically how to arrive at belief, what is that belief in, and what should we do with that belief once we have it). That's our problem and besides the point. Simply put, we believe in an absolute truth with an absolute morality that revolves around the idea of sin. Homosexuality, the practice of it, is considered wrong and therefore Christians oppose it. Not the people but the practice of the act.
Is the rejection of homosexuality a stumbling block — yes. Can we, in a utilitarian manor, just remove this stumbling block by saying that this practice is permissible? No, we can't. And why? Because Christians don't believe that morality is relative, they believe it is absolute. In short, that we don't get to make up the rules, we get to follow Jesus so that we can find greater joy in life. Following Jesus is more than rules, it's about following the personhood of Jesus. This is a complicated subject for those who don't know him, and for those who have trouble wrapping their minds around the concept of following someone who's died and been resurrected and now lives in heaven.
And regarding homosexuality (I promise that I'm not dodging the question), the Christian should say that the practice of homosexuality is a part of the fallen nature of man and should be abandoned for the sake of following Christ. All Christians have to abandon things at the foot of the cross and so do gay people. In the simplest words, homosexuality is wrong because that's not how God designed us to live our lives. It's wrong in the same way as sin is wrong because living in sin is not what God desired for us, or not how he designed us for toward the end of living our lives. Christianity says that you are not your sin and that you can step out of it to follow Jesus and to become more like him — the call for all Christians.
And some people really enjoy their homosexuality and identify with it as being a part of who they are. All I can say is that most people really enjoy stuff and identify those things with who they are, some are more socially acceptable than others. The social acceptability of an identity means nothing to God, it has no bearing on his perspective as social acceptability is something we've created, not him.
I know it is hard for those who struggle with this, who enjoy this, who live this life. All I can say is that is that there are better things than self-seeking lust or a mutually gratifying sexual relationship and that the best thing is Jesus. You may disagree but you don't really know because you've never tried it and you can't really try it without giving your life to it. People come to the cross to become Christians not because they want to try something new but because they realize that what they were doing doesn't really work anymore and they are at the end of their rope, they're done trying to do whatever they think (or whatever other people think) is right or good. Christ meets us at our end, invites us to die to our self and find a new life in him and his ways. This is what it means to be a Christian — there are no other understandings that are biblical.
And how does the homosexual respond? My thought is that they befriend real Christians and try to learn as much about Christ as possible. Secondly, they take a real hard look at their lives and in the words of Doctor Phil, ask themselves "how's that working for you?" Finally, they would need to come to terms with the fact that Christians are to die to themselves, all of themselves, and that would mean that they give up their ambitions, their property, their dreams, to Jesus and allow him to guide and direct them however he pleases. Jesus doesn't just call people to give up their homosexuality, he calls them to give up everything. You might think this isn't fair, and you're right, it's not. It is really really really hard for gay people to give this up, but the reward is worth it.
And it's not fair for another reason. If it were fair, we'd all die for our sins as a punishment for our depravity. Jesus, showing mercy for us in our state of depravity, died on the cross so that we could be restored to a right standing with God. This brings comfort and this frees us from the slavery of the world to do good, to love, to help, to impact. When Christians show the love of Christ, people are blessed and people see the grace of God. While the Christian can live a selfless life because they're following God, the secular humanist is incapable of living a selfless life because they're following themselves or someone else. The selfless life isn't the objective and you can't achieve it by utilitarian means. No, it is the fruit of being a Christian.
Though some are well intentioned, they fail to live by their own standards and then what? They can try again but they will continually fail. This might not be a problem for some but for others, they will struggle to figure it out and they will fail even at that. Eventually, you wonder why you try and then you stop trying, and then you just do whatever you want and sin comes into full bloom. The ethic is functionally gone (their original goal) and they prove our point, that we will always choose a relativistic outcome to achieve our goals over any and everyone else. This proves that relativism doesn't "work" and ends at "I will do nothing, I don't care, and if I can't get what I want, I just want to die." I can't think of a worse life to live.
Harris, in the 3 minutes I heard, tries to generalize all religions as bad and a distraction from the real issues facing the world. More than a distraction, he goes on to state that because of religion, we have suffering and horrible acts committed against people. His answer, throw out the baby with the bathwater and get rid of all religion — we can make up our own moral code.
Harris seems bright but I would have to guess that the real reason why we find ourselves in the situations he describes is because we have already thrown out those moral codes and decided to do whatever the hell we want. In short, the assumption that they're (religions) all bad so choose mine seems to break his first presupposition - that they're all bad. Secular humanism is a religion, and the god is society and really ourselves and how we can be self actualized to "do good" according to our definition. And our definition can change and be corrupted (thinking Nazi Germany)... but the secular humanist trap is that we can look forward into the glorious future and do better, that we don't have to be condemned to repeat the past. Great ideas, but we always do. Why? Could it be that there is something larger at play? Could it be that we always screw it up? There's always someone trying to take the reigns and achieve their ends?
Harris doesn't like Christianity (according to what I saw) because we discriminate against homosexuals and because people believe things counter to what Christians believe. Yes Christians believe that God wants us to live a certain way to achieve certain ends, notably to be more like Jesus. Few find this attractive or desirable and, again, make it about themselves — how can I be a better person/Christian. Jesus' call is to come and die and find your life in him, according to his rules (love of, grace from, and relationship with and submission to Jesus). Christians don't get to make it up, they get to follow and submit to Christ. This is based on love and a real relationship with a God who is not seen.
Yes, it is crazy to the world but we ask the Lord to meet us and he does. We see glimpses and realize that our world isn't quite the way we all thought that it was. We realize what we thought was solid was hollow, what we thought was red was blue, what we thought was right side up was upside down. This makes absolutists and scientists nervous and elicits the harshest of responses. We were told to expect this and we keep the faith because we know that our God doesn't need letters after his name or publications and approval from peers to be "trustworthy" or have university/institutional credibility. (Similar to street cred but amongst those academics who live their whole lives in the ivory tower).
And to address the criticisms on the rejection of homosexuality and the adherence to a moral absolutism in a era of relativism, let me address the second first. If I disagree with Harris, does that mean that we should get rid of my opinion and his as well because we can't find agreement on it? This is his logic, if there's disagreement, there must be no universal truth. I think it's quite simple — there is a universal truth and someone just doesn't happen to know what that is. I think this is an easier argument to make and the issue would become who is right and who's wrong.
This is something that I think makes sense to Harris as he pleads to push his religion of anti-theism and secular humanism. Christians believe they're right (even though most are confused at best about what they believe, specifically how to arrive at belief, what is that belief in, and what should we do with that belief once we have it). That's our problem and besides the point. Simply put, we believe in an absolute truth with an absolute morality that revolves around the idea of sin. Homosexuality, the practice of it, is considered wrong and therefore Christians oppose it. Not the people but the practice of the act.
Is the rejection of homosexuality a stumbling block — yes. Can we, in a utilitarian manor, just remove this stumbling block by saying that this practice is permissible? No, we can't. And why? Because Christians don't believe that morality is relative, they believe it is absolute. In short, that we don't get to make up the rules, we get to follow Jesus so that we can find greater joy in life. Following Jesus is more than rules, it's about following the personhood of Jesus. This is a complicated subject for those who don't know him, and for those who have trouble wrapping their minds around the concept of following someone who's died and been resurrected and now lives in heaven.
And regarding homosexuality (I promise that I'm not dodging the question), the Christian should say that the practice of homosexuality is a part of the fallen nature of man and should be abandoned for the sake of following Christ. All Christians have to abandon things at the foot of the cross and so do gay people. In the simplest words, homosexuality is wrong because that's not how God designed us to live our lives. It's wrong in the same way as sin is wrong because living in sin is not what God desired for us, or not how he designed us for toward the end of living our lives. Christianity says that you are not your sin and that you can step out of it to follow Jesus and to become more like him — the call for all Christians.
And some people really enjoy their homosexuality and identify with it as being a part of who they are. All I can say is that most people really enjoy stuff and identify those things with who they are, some are more socially acceptable than others. The social acceptability of an identity means nothing to God, it has no bearing on his perspective as social acceptability is something we've created, not him.
I know it is hard for those who struggle with this, who enjoy this, who live this life. All I can say is that is that there are better things than self-seeking lust or a mutually gratifying sexual relationship and that the best thing is Jesus. You may disagree but you don't really know because you've never tried it and you can't really try it without giving your life to it. People come to the cross to become Christians not because they want to try something new but because they realize that what they were doing doesn't really work anymore and they are at the end of their rope, they're done trying to do whatever they think (or whatever other people think) is right or good. Christ meets us at our end, invites us to die to our self and find a new life in him and his ways. This is what it means to be a Christian — there are no other understandings that are biblical.
And how does the homosexual respond? My thought is that they befriend real Christians and try to learn as much about Christ as possible. Secondly, they take a real hard look at their lives and in the words of Doctor Phil, ask themselves "how's that working for you?" Finally, they would need to come to terms with the fact that Christians are to die to themselves, all of themselves, and that would mean that they give up their ambitions, their property, their dreams, to Jesus and allow him to guide and direct them however he pleases. Jesus doesn't just call people to give up their homosexuality, he calls them to give up everything. You might think this isn't fair, and you're right, it's not. It is really really really hard for gay people to give this up, but the reward is worth it.
And it's not fair for another reason. If it were fair, we'd all die for our sins as a punishment for our depravity. Jesus, showing mercy for us in our state of depravity, died on the cross so that we could be restored to a right standing with God. This brings comfort and this frees us from the slavery of the world to do good, to love, to help, to impact. When Christians show the love of Christ, people are blessed and people see the grace of God. While the Christian can live a selfless life because they're following God, the secular humanist is incapable of living a selfless life because they're following themselves or someone else. The selfless life isn't the objective and you can't achieve it by utilitarian means. No, it is the fruit of being a Christian.
Though some are well intentioned, they fail to live by their own standards and then what? They can try again but they will continually fail. This might not be a problem for some but for others, they will struggle to figure it out and they will fail even at that. Eventually, you wonder why you try and then you stop trying, and then you just do whatever you want and sin comes into full bloom. The ethic is functionally gone (their original goal) and they prove our point, that we will always choose a relativistic outcome to achieve our goals over any and everyone else. This proves that relativism doesn't "work" and ends at "I will do nothing, I don't care, and if I can't get what I want, I just want to die." I can't think of a worse life to live.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
E2: The Economies of Being Environmentally Conscious
So PBS put this series out a few years back called E2: The Economies of Being Environmentally Conscious. It is a wonderful series that shows leaders who are inventing and implementing their way to solve problems that affect our environment and economies. Yes, it is liberal and yes it is progressive. Furthermore, I'll add this — it makes sense and provides hope, not a saving hope but a hope that people can think and can act in ways that bring about solutions to problems that put down the poor and could endanger our way of living.
This is why I became a planner and this is why I will probably change jobs at some point. I enjoy trying to solve crazy problems by inventing stuff and helping to save the world and I hope I get to participate in both. The Lord guides our steps and controls our destinies, and for some, we will play a role in creating and making. For some fewer, our efforts and his inspiration will result in the opportunity to bless countless folks in ways that are meaningful and productive. Playing a part in something like that would really be a great way to provide for myself and others, something that I might really enjoy — even as just someone who is wired to solve problems and make things.
Some thoughts on global warming, environmentalism, and recycling.
1. Global warming, like most science, is hard to comprehend and harder still for the average person to know that it's real. Most science doesn't need to be easy to explain or comprehend because the rest of us do other things and we could care less. And for Global Warming, we would care less except that there is a cohort of militant scientists, politicians and media folks who have made this a major issue that deserves a place at our dinner table. And since most are not versed in science, we have two choices: 1) take the scientist's conclusions at face value because they would know best, or 2) doubt the scientist's conclusions in favor of the opinion held by a minor group who doubt or are concerned about conspiracies and those who don't want change.
Now whether or not Global Warming is really an issue is anyone's guess. If you can't trust the scientists then who really knows. I'm inclined to trust the scientists but know full well that people will try to use this to manipulate the behavior of many, some with the hope to solve the problem, others with the hope of manipulating people to gain power, and a few who hope to do both. I do believe there are people out there who strive to gain power and influence and could care less about such issues as liberty and democracy. The real danger is utilitarianism, a philosophical persuasion that would lead us to do anything to achieve specific ends.
My opinion is that there are people out there who want to control others and they will stop at nothing to achieve their end and come to power. Though this is true, so often they take what is reasonable and try to make it unreasonable, striving to be marginalized (by conservatives and some in the church) in order to secure the approval of a select few who will fight for their cause in a larger attempt to try to take down or marginalize the institutions they provoked. In other words, it's a trap. There's nothing bad about reducing our use, using things more smartly, or even recycling and reusing things (all conservative concepts at least on face) but because they do these things for different reasons that what conservatives believe, there seems to be a backlash amongst conservatives against what honestly should be no-brainer changes to our daily lives. My conclusion is to try to be a better steward of what we've been given and we'll experience the reward, notably in saving money and being more thankful for what we've been given in the first place. Do this publicly and you've eliminated one of sevearal reason why liberals and rational people have chosen to be upset at the church — a win win.
For the record, I don't think that all scientists or even a large contingency of scientists are making this global warming thing up in an effort to try to manipulate or control the world. I seriously doubt that and even if it were true, I think a few would blow the whistle and that such a whistle would be loud enough for most of us to hear it. I'm not a scientist and so I defer to them. I hope they can figure a way out of this one that doesn't result in a totalitarian state. We should strive to do something about this and the best way to do that would be to stop debating the existence of it and start working on solutions that solve the problem without taking away our freedom as well.
2. Environmentalism is about being a good steward. We all should be environmentalists but the real problem here is that no one wants to be told what to do, much less compelled under penalty of law to be forced to do something. We can be environmentally conscious without it becoming a control issue! Furthermore, we can show people how to do it without the entrapping of what at times can seem to be the religion of environmentalism. Like most things we do, there's a risk of idolatry. Does this mean that we abandon environmental care because it could be an idol? No, this means that we try to place it under Christ and do it in a way just like we do most of the other things that we do like eating, drinking, shopping, etc. The important things are a) don't become a Judaizers and expect everyone to the second conversion to be environmentally conscious, b) share your knowledge with others so that they and what they steward can prosper, and c) remain humble, not assuming you've got it all figured out or that there's only one way to do something.
3. Recycling. To this end, it is so easy to claim that recycling is just something that you do stupid! Surely, I could say something like that as well and I won't try to make arguments for why you shouldn't do it, you've probably got enough reasons as it is. No, continuing on this point from before, I think it's important to realize that other people are watching you and expect you to respect their systems and not only fit in but be progressive. This is essentially part of your witness as a "good" human being. Now, we know that recycling is not really talked about in the Bible and that there are is a more important thing, i.e. salvation, to be talked about. This all said, if you fail to show that you realize and do what is (in their opinion) stupidly simple and a public responsibility, you have lost your credibility. To be a good witness, we've got to be acceptable and even exceptional in the view of others. The limit is, of course, where we make those things idols, support other people's idols, or otherwise live unbiblically.
In a recap, being "green" can help us be a good witness through our good stewardship, helping us share Christ with others. Being "green" can also benefit us financially, improve our quality of life, and help reduce our impact on the environment.
(For those who are interested, recycling reduces the amount of waste entering landfills that pollute groundwater and waste land resources. They also can replace virgin material used in products, reducing the consumption of virgin materials or natural resources. Not all resources are renewable so using recycled product can save money and improve the quality of the final product. Most people don't notice or realize the savings or improved quality of the product. Most people also don't realize what are the consequences of throwing another water bottle into a landfill (I can't). Even though you may not see the benefit of doing "what's right," there can be a cumulative effect and that's what counts to most who value the practice. Reducing and Reusing are two ways to seriously save money and improve the waste stream and are perhaps more important than recycling.)
This is why I became a planner and this is why I will probably change jobs at some point. I enjoy trying to solve crazy problems by inventing stuff and helping to save the world and I hope I get to participate in both. The Lord guides our steps and controls our destinies, and for some, we will play a role in creating and making. For some fewer, our efforts and his inspiration will result in the opportunity to bless countless folks in ways that are meaningful and productive. Playing a part in something like that would really be a great way to provide for myself and others, something that I might really enjoy — even as just someone who is wired to solve problems and make things.
Some thoughts on global warming, environmentalism, and recycling.
1. Global warming, like most science, is hard to comprehend and harder still for the average person to know that it's real. Most science doesn't need to be easy to explain or comprehend because the rest of us do other things and we could care less. And for Global Warming, we would care less except that there is a cohort of militant scientists, politicians and media folks who have made this a major issue that deserves a place at our dinner table. And since most are not versed in science, we have two choices: 1) take the scientist's conclusions at face value because they would know best, or 2) doubt the scientist's conclusions in favor of the opinion held by a minor group who doubt or are concerned about conspiracies and those who don't want change.
Now whether or not Global Warming is really an issue is anyone's guess. If you can't trust the scientists then who really knows. I'm inclined to trust the scientists but know full well that people will try to use this to manipulate the behavior of many, some with the hope to solve the problem, others with the hope of manipulating people to gain power, and a few who hope to do both. I do believe there are people out there who strive to gain power and influence and could care less about such issues as liberty and democracy. The real danger is utilitarianism, a philosophical persuasion that would lead us to do anything to achieve specific ends.
My opinion is that there are people out there who want to control others and they will stop at nothing to achieve their end and come to power. Though this is true, so often they take what is reasonable and try to make it unreasonable, striving to be marginalized (by conservatives and some in the church) in order to secure the approval of a select few who will fight for their cause in a larger attempt to try to take down or marginalize the institutions they provoked. In other words, it's a trap. There's nothing bad about reducing our use, using things more smartly, or even recycling and reusing things (all conservative concepts at least on face) but because they do these things for different reasons that what conservatives believe, there seems to be a backlash amongst conservatives against what honestly should be no-brainer changes to our daily lives. My conclusion is to try to be a better steward of what we've been given and we'll experience the reward, notably in saving money and being more thankful for what we've been given in the first place. Do this publicly and you've eliminated one of sevearal reason why liberals and rational people have chosen to be upset at the church — a win win.
For the record, I don't think that all scientists or even a large contingency of scientists are making this global warming thing up in an effort to try to manipulate or control the world. I seriously doubt that and even if it were true, I think a few would blow the whistle and that such a whistle would be loud enough for most of us to hear it. I'm not a scientist and so I defer to them. I hope they can figure a way out of this one that doesn't result in a totalitarian state. We should strive to do something about this and the best way to do that would be to stop debating the existence of it and start working on solutions that solve the problem without taking away our freedom as well.
2. Environmentalism is about being a good steward. We all should be environmentalists but the real problem here is that no one wants to be told what to do, much less compelled under penalty of law to be forced to do something. We can be environmentally conscious without it becoming a control issue! Furthermore, we can show people how to do it without the entrapping of what at times can seem to be the religion of environmentalism. Like most things we do, there's a risk of idolatry. Does this mean that we abandon environmental care because it could be an idol? No, this means that we try to place it under Christ and do it in a way just like we do most of the other things that we do like eating, drinking, shopping, etc. The important things are a) don't become a Judaizers and expect everyone to the second conversion to be environmentally conscious, b) share your knowledge with others so that they and what they steward can prosper, and c) remain humble, not assuming you've got it all figured out or that there's only one way to do something.
3. Recycling. To this end, it is so easy to claim that recycling is just something that you do stupid! Surely, I could say something like that as well and I won't try to make arguments for why you shouldn't do it, you've probably got enough reasons as it is. No, continuing on this point from before, I think it's important to realize that other people are watching you and expect you to respect their systems and not only fit in but be progressive. This is essentially part of your witness as a "good" human being. Now, we know that recycling is not really talked about in the Bible and that there are is a more important thing, i.e. salvation, to be talked about. This all said, if you fail to show that you realize and do what is (in their opinion) stupidly simple and a public responsibility, you have lost your credibility. To be a good witness, we've got to be acceptable and even exceptional in the view of others. The limit is, of course, where we make those things idols, support other people's idols, or otherwise live unbiblically.
In a recap, being "green" can help us be a good witness through our good stewardship, helping us share Christ with others. Being "green" can also benefit us financially, improve our quality of life, and help reduce our impact on the environment.
(For those who are interested, recycling reduces the amount of waste entering landfills that pollute groundwater and waste land resources. They also can replace virgin material used in products, reducing the consumption of virgin materials or natural resources. Not all resources are renewable so using recycled product can save money and improve the quality of the final product. Most people don't notice or realize the savings or improved quality of the product. Most people also don't realize what are the consequences of throwing another water bottle into a landfill (I can't). Even though you may not see the benefit of doing "what's right," there can be a cumulative effect and that's what counts to most who value the practice. Reducing and Reusing are two ways to seriously save money and improve the waste stream and are perhaps more important than recycling.)
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Why am I not surprised? ...and for your viewing pleasure!
Seriously, why am I not surprised? BTW, the top ten cities were 1) Austin, Washington, Raleigh, Boston, Houston, OK City, DFW, Tulsa, Seattle, and Baton Rouge??? Where's Portland? Yeah, not on there.
Least desirable was Detroit, Cleveland, Dayton-OH, Tampa/St.Pete, and Riverside/San Bernardino-CA.
That reminded me of this photo
And, while looking for that photo, I found these as well.... for your viewing pleasure
and this from an internal memo at safelite...
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Decisions
I guess I want to vocalize some of my thoughts and feelings. This is raw me and I hope I don't disparage anyone.
It's understood that I am a sinner who is egotistical, greedy, selfish, self-reliant, and prideful. Big surprise? No, not really.
A month ago, I was fearful that I would never get a job as a planner, forever stuck working in the call center, and that I'd stay for a long time in my current small group where I feel like I am stagnant — not growing or maturing. Today, I am about 10 days out from starting a new job, praise Jesus!
Given this, I started thinking about moving closer to my job so I wouldn't have to drive an hour plus every day. I started thinking about a small walkable neighborhood on a bus line from work. The new neighborhood provides new opportunities to change churches, small groups, and friend groups. I'm not sure that I want all of this but my sinful self is not getting what it wants. How do I know where I should go and what I should do.
I guess the answer is to pray, pray that the Lord would guide my steps and decisions. I will but I also expect that the decision, short of God telling me go this way, will be one where I at least consider the situation and apply wisdom to the situation. If I were happy at my current church, things wouldn't be a big deal. But I'm not.
Maybe because when I think about what I want church to be, I think that I want it to be a place where the bible is taught, where I grow, where I can lead, where I can flourish, where great things are happening, where we're all happy, where Jesus is no. 1, where I get to gain experience leading and eventually get a group or something so that I can learn how to pastor well. This kind of a church doesn't exist and my expectations are wrong, selfish, unbiblical, judgmental, and unrealizable.
What I need to do is pray for God to lead me and speak to me. Pray that I might be taken under the wings of people who are close to the Lord and that I may grow in wisdom and knowledge, faith and love, sacrifice and selflessness. I think I know everything and yet it shows how little I know. I think I have my act together but any real examination shows that I am a mess. I want to change things up, in hopes that another group of people will be able to fulfill what I'm looking for and what's funny is that I already know that they can't. No ministry opportunity, no encouragement, no relationship, no mentorship, no church, no pastor, no nobody can do what I need done. Simply put, I need to submit to the authority, grace, and friendship of Jesus Christ.
I am responsible for whether or not I grow or spend time with Jesus. No one else is responsible, I am responsible for that. I choose to pass that buck onto others and yet it is mine and can't be passed! I entered this blogging session thinking about how does one choose what church to belong to. That's like asking what are the qualities of the team you want to be on. The trick is, no one ever said that you could make up your own team or simply trade whenever you want. That defeats the point perhaps.
And what is that point? Well, that God has placed you where he wants you to bring about something in your life and in the lives of others. That may still result in you leaving but only under narrow and careful evaluation of things that really matter.
The short list off the top of my head.
1. Is the Bible taught?
2. Is the Bible held in highest esteem?
3. Is the focus on Jesus and God?
4. Is the Trinity worshiped?
5. Is the Holy Spirit acknowledged and welcomed?
6. Does the church pray and encourage praying?
7. Does the church exist for Jesus or its members?
8. Is the church concerned for the things Jesus would be concerned about?
9. Does the church and its people have a desire to pursue holiness?
10. Does the church encourage people to pursue Jesus or something else?
11. Is the church outward focused on a.) evangelizing, growing, and planting; and b.) serving and equipping servants to help those who need help?
12. Does the church baptize and disciple its believers?
13. Is there respect for the Sacraments and the Word?
So there's a list. If I don't see something that should be happening, should I leave or do something about it. What happens when your church is so big that it's nicknamed "the company" and to affect change is to cross burning bridges only to be ostracized. Not sure that this is a fair representation but it may be. What do we do though? Do we move on or do we pray and work to help our church grow?
Reminds me of how people just move from new house to new house, never investing in a city or neighborhood. They just throw it all away and move on when they're tired of something. Is that sustainable? Is that biblical? Nope, that's American and nope, that's probably not how our churches will prosper. This being said, the wise solder knows when to fight and when to retreat (as they're still alive). Can you tell that I'm tired as I write this?
Anyways, wrapping it up. I guess I need to pray and ask for guidance. Perhaps if I actually start going to church, these issues will go away. If they don't, maybe I should talk to someone? In the mean time, please pray that Jesus would continue to sanctify me and grow me, bring about more of a desire to personally grow closer to him and find my satisfaction and joy in him.
Amen
It's understood that I am a sinner who is egotistical, greedy, selfish, self-reliant, and prideful. Big surprise? No, not really.
A month ago, I was fearful that I would never get a job as a planner, forever stuck working in the call center, and that I'd stay for a long time in my current small group where I feel like I am stagnant — not growing or maturing. Today, I am about 10 days out from starting a new job, praise Jesus!
Given this, I started thinking about moving closer to my job so I wouldn't have to drive an hour plus every day. I started thinking about a small walkable neighborhood on a bus line from work. The new neighborhood provides new opportunities to change churches, small groups, and friend groups. I'm not sure that I want all of this but my sinful self is not getting what it wants. How do I know where I should go and what I should do.
I guess the answer is to pray, pray that the Lord would guide my steps and decisions. I will but I also expect that the decision, short of God telling me go this way, will be one where I at least consider the situation and apply wisdom to the situation. If I were happy at my current church, things wouldn't be a big deal. But I'm not.
Maybe because when I think about what I want church to be, I think that I want it to be a place where the bible is taught, where I grow, where I can lead, where I can flourish, where great things are happening, where we're all happy, where Jesus is no. 1, where I get to gain experience leading and eventually get a group or something so that I can learn how to pastor well. This kind of a church doesn't exist and my expectations are wrong, selfish, unbiblical, judgmental, and unrealizable.
What I need to do is pray for God to lead me and speak to me. Pray that I might be taken under the wings of people who are close to the Lord and that I may grow in wisdom and knowledge, faith and love, sacrifice and selflessness. I think I know everything and yet it shows how little I know. I think I have my act together but any real examination shows that I am a mess. I want to change things up, in hopes that another group of people will be able to fulfill what I'm looking for and what's funny is that I already know that they can't. No ministry opportunity, no encouragement, no relationship, no mentorship, no church, no pastor, no nobody can do what I need done. Simply put, I need to submit to the authority, grace, and friendship of Jesus Christ.
I am responsible for whether or not I grow or spend time with Jesus. No one else is responsible, I am responsible for that. I choose to pass that buck onto others and yet it is mine and can't be passed! I entered this blogging session thinking about how does one choose what church to belong to. That's like asking what are the qualities of the team you want to be on. The trick is, no one ever said that you could make up your own team or simply trade whenever you want. That defeats the point perhaps.
And what is that point? Well, that God has placed you where he wants you to bring about something in your life and in the lives of others. That may still result in you leaving but only under narrow and careful evaluation of things that really matter.
The short list off the top of my head.
1. Is the Bible taught?
2. Is the Bible held in highest esteem?
3. Is the focus on Jesus and God?
4. Is the Trinity worshiped?
5. Is the Holy Spirit acknowledged and welcomed?
6. Does the church pray and encourage praying?
7. Does the church exist for Jesus or its members?
8. Is the church concerned for the things Jesus would be concerned about?
9. Does the church and its people have a desire to pursue holiness?
10. Does the church encourage people to pursue Jesus or something else?
11. Is the church outward focused on a.) evangelizing, growing, and planting; and b.) serving and equipping servants to help those who need help?
12. Does the church baptize and disciple its believers?
13. Is there respect for the Sacraments and the Word?
So there's a list. If I don't see something that should be happening, should I leave or do something about it. What happens when your church is so big that it's nicknamed "the company" and to affect change is to cross burning bridges only to be ostracized. Not sure that this is a fair representation but it may be. What do we do though? Do we move on or do we pray and work to help our church grow?
Reminds me of how people just move from new house to new house, never investing in a city or neighborhood. They just throw it all away and move on when they're tired of something. Is that sustainable? Is that biblical? Nope, that's American and nope, that's probably not how our churches will prosper. This being said, the wise solder knows when to fight and when to retreat (as they're still alive). Can you tell that I'm tired as I write this?
Anyways, wrapping it up. I guess I need to pray and ask for guidance. Perhaps if I actually start going to church, these issues will go away. If they don't, maybe I should talk to someone? In the mean time, please pray that Jesus would continue to sanctify me and grow me, bring about more of a desire to personally grow closer to him and find my satisfaction and joy in him.
Amen
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Update
Hey friends,
A few updates. I am being considered as a final candidate for a position with a planning and engineering consultancy here in Columbus. This is kind of crazy to be one of the final contestants — I hope I get the job but if I don't, I will press on. This has been quite a difficult journey but I'm willing to go on. I pray the Lord would use all of this to draw me even closer to him, more important than any job, my possessions, or even my health, liberty, or life.
On a second note, I recently installed Picasa on my computer and it found some interesting j-pegs. Some of my favorite are provided below. These are all things that I made or photographed unless otherwise noted.
One of my finer creations freshman year. Unfortunately we couldn't get it published (too close to 9/11) but the newspaper guys thought it was a riot - no pun intended.
Yes, this happened.
They are funny and I wish we all were still living together. Note the hotdog bun in the shirt pocket.
Yes, I did jump into mirror lake once in my life.
A few updates. I am being considered as a final candidate for a position with a planning and engineering consultancy here in Columbus. This is kind of crazy to be one of the final contestants — I hope I get the job but if I don't, I will press on. This has been quite a difficult journey but I'm willing to go on. I pray the Lord would use all of this to draw me even closer to him, more important than any job, my possessions, or even my health, liberty, or life.
On a second note, I recently installed Picasa on my computer and it found some interesting j-pegs. Some of my favorite are provided below. These are all things that I made or photographed unless otherwise noted.
One of my finer creations freshman year. Unfortunately we couldn't get it published (too close to 9/11) but the newspaper guys thought it was a riot - no pun intended.
Yes, this happened.
They are funny and I wish we all were still living together. Note the hotdog bun in the shirt pocket.
Yes, I did jump into mirror lake once in my life.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Pray for Matt, my hero... and quarter-life crisis, again.
Ecclesiastes 7:2
It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart.
These is how Matt Chandler ponders upon the realities at hand; recently being diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor, of which the surgeons were unable to fully remove. Chemo and radiation start after the first of the year. Matt presses on as he believes that there is still more that the Lord desires for him to do as a pastor, teacher, husband, and father. See his video update here.
I am thankful for you Matt and I pray that someday I could serve the Lord like you!
Curling up with a Matt Chandler podcast is a moment of sanity and learning in an otherwise dry and desolate place. Post graduate school, I find that I need stimulation — especially because I don't get it at work. I love to learn, and more so, I desire to be more like Jesus. Not all the time, I must confess, but enough that when I do desire it, I sit and listen and learn! This man has helped shape me in ways I wish I could express. I am thankful and I pray that I can be used likewise in my life.
And it's quarter-life crisis time, again.
This time for real. I have both a Bachelor's and a Master's, I work at a call center, and I wonder when is the time that I'll get to actually live life and do something. This, of course, neglects the fact that I am doing just that right now, except that I'm assuming that right now doesn't count and that it's a waste until later. That's of course not true but this is what it seems like. I am one of many smart, educated, and talented young professionals trapped in dead-end jobs waiting for the job market to catch up with the labor market.
I'm learning to be okay with it but honestly, I wonder now why I majored in what I majored in and how I'll ever be able to get a job in it when the markets free up a bit. By then, there will be tons of fresh bodies out of school. I think about what education I'll get next to separate me from the pack. I think about what I've got to do to make it work — "just hold on, if I just do one more thing I can make it all work out..."
There I go again, placing faith in education and not God. Certainly education is good and encouraged by the church and the Bible but there's a narrow line that gets trounced all the time. Simply, one's worth is NOT dependent upon one's job, and second, one's education (and education leveraged by lots and lots of loan money) will NOT guarantee a job. I wish I knew this earlier and if I did, I probably would have tried harder to get a job out of undergraduate school or majored in something I had a 100% likelihood of getting a job with.
Maybe it is in this time that I need to more seriously consider church planting and theological education. Not because I need something more to help me get a job but because maybe without such a perfect storm, I'd never stop to ask "is this the career I wanted all along?" Certainly God could choose to let me know about such a call without such crazy things as a recession and the like, I don't want to imply that circumstances alone bring me to this conclusion. More than circumstances, I desire (a lot of the time) to be a pastor and a church planter, to be used by the Lord to help grow and disciple his Church. I pray that I have opportunities to do this, and Lord willing, that I could do this as my job.
I will rejoice no matter the outcome of this season, but knowing that he's in control and desires something good for me helps me to have hope. He has provided thus far, just what I've needed and my prayer is that he'll bring me all the way through his plan and eventually call me home. If I remain a poor man who dies at an early age and lives a life that Glorifies him, I will be happy. Lord, please show me how to live a life that Glorifies you, help me best fulfill your plans and purposes for my life.
It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart.
These is how Matt Chandler ponders upon the realities at hand; recently being diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor, of which the surgeons were unable to fully remove. Chemo and radiation start after the first of the year. Matt presses on as he believes that there is still more that the Lord desires for him to do as a pastor, teacher, husband, and father. See his video update here.
I am thankful for you Matt and I pray that someday I could serve the Lord like you!
Curling up with a Matt Chandler podcast is a moment of sanity and learning in an otherwise dry and desolate place. Post graduate school, I find that I need stimulation — especially because I don't get it at work. I love to learn, and more so, I desire to be more like Jesus. Not all the time, I must confess, but enough that when I do desire it, I sit and listen and learn! This man has helped shape me in ways I wish I could express. I am thankful and I pray that I can be used likewise in my life.
And it's quarter-life crisis time, again.
This time for real. I have both a Bachelor's and a Master's, I work at a call center, and I wonder when is the time that I'll get to actually live life and do something. This, of course, neglects the fact that I am doing just that right now, except that I'm assuming that right now doesn't count and that it's a waste until later. That's of course not true but this is what it seems like. I am one of many smart, educated, and talented young professionals trapped in dead-end jobs waiting for the job market to catch up with the labor market.
I'm learning to be okay with it but honestly, I wonder now why I majored in what I majored in and how I'll ever be able to get a job in it when the markets free up a bit. By then, there will be tons of fresh bodies out of school. I think about what education I'll get next to separate me from the pack. I think about what I've got to do to make it work — "just hold on, if I just do one more thing I can make it all work out..."
There I go again, placing faith in education and not God. Certainly education is good and encouraged by the church and the Bible but there's a narrow line that gets trounced all the time. Simply, one's worth is NOT dependent upon one's job, and second, one's education (and education leveraged by lots and lots of loan money) will NOT guarantee a job. I wish I knew this earlier and if I did, I probably would have tried harder to get a job out of undergraduate school or majored in something I had a 100% likelihood of getting a job with.
Maybe it is in this time that I need to more seriously consider church planting and theological education. Not because I need something more to help me get a job but because maybe without such a perfect storm, I'd never stop to ask "is this the career I wanted all along?" Certainly God could choose to let me know about such a call without such crazy things as a recession and the like, I don't want to imply that circumstances alone bring me to this conclusion. More than circumstances, I desire (a lot of the time) to be a pastor and a church planter, to be used by the Lord to help grow and disciple his Church. I pray that I have opportunities to do this, and Lord willing, that I could do this as my job.
I will rejoice no matter the outcome of this season, but knowing that he's in control and desires something good for me helps me to have hope. He has provided thus far, just what I've needed and my prayer is that he'll bring me all the way through his plan and eventually call me home. If I remain a poor man who dies at an early age and lives a life that Glorifies him, I will be happy. Lord, please show me how to live a life that Glorifies you, help me best fulfill your plans and purposes for my life.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
An Ambition for Hell?
I'm taking some time to digest. I just finished watching the movie There Will Be Blood and have found it quite disturbing. Why? Because perhaps I identify more with Daniel Plainview that I'd like to admit. Like Plainview, I have an appetite to be an ambitious man.
Perhaps a measure of ambition is a quality of all men. In some it is extinguished when they lose faith in their ability to do anything useful — or in other words they believe they are failures. Still others may cease trying because they know that their ambition has or could become a God, leading them to abandon or disregard their responsibilities. Knowing this, still a few more indulge their ambition and go for it no matter the cost, as shown by Plainview's example in the film.
As someone who has a measure of ambition, and perhaps some hopes and dreams, how can one pursue such ambitions without allowing one's life and faith to be hi-jacked and from turning into a Daniel Plainview?
Bringing it home, I realize that the moments where I turn toward and press into the Lord are usually the moments right after I realize that I have failed again. When I realize I have failed at holding to the Lord's standard or, more regularly, failed at being "successful" in pursuing my own desires (and realize how inferior they are to the Lord and all that he longs to offer to me). I must praise Jesus that I am not more "successful" (by worldly standards) for success is seemingly an indicator that you are doing something right. I praise Jesus for Grace for I am not "succeeding," whatever that means, by the Lord's standard.
And again, I get bored and start to once again pursue something else to hold my time, suit my fancy. This past week it was adding some really cool plug-ins to SimCity 4 and starting to build a new region. Slightly fun but ultimately frustrating and more so an udder waste of time and worship.
Less trivial, I have been working on some projects between phone calls at work. In short, an analysis of where the missing opportunities are for incorporating simple technology into new and old homes to make them more energy and resource efficient. A noble goal and something that I find quite interesting. Somewhere in my mind I believe that I could be successful at integrating these technologies and seeing homes built that embrace them. Other than desiring to be an entrepreneur who wears jeans, gets my hands dirty, and works from my home or a workshop, I really desire no fame or adoration. I'm not planning my life-time achievement award or anything. I am so conflicted because the things that matter like pressing in to Jesus and seeing his will done through loving, serving, and carrying my cross seem to pale in comparison to the more futile desires of succeeding in games or at other "noble pursuits."
A few years back, I was at a Breathe Festival and while praying, I heard a small voice saying that he wanted me to get rid of my computer, camera, and basically all of my technology equipment. Not wanting to accept that it was from the Lord and not believing that it was necessary to follow through, I chose not to. Though I can't be certain that this was the Lord or that I have really made an error here, the wisdom has become clearer. Every morning I wake up and bow down to the computer idol, getting email, news and weather from the internet. I could be praying and thanking God that I am alive and well, able to do his work for hopefully another day. No, I am busy with my own vain pursuits. I could say there are worse pursuits but such distinctions don't really matter in God's economy.
The point here is simple, God needs to be first and I need to leave it all to him. If something good happens, it is by his grace. If nothing "good" from my perspective seems to happen, so be it for I will be in my Father's house soon enough and the troubles of this world will be behind me.
And back to ambitions, are these bad or good, and are they mine or given to me from him? I think some would think that we need to look at what the ambitions are, and what we are sacrificing in order to pursue them. Some may be tempted to try to parse out a grid-work of what are good and bad ambitions or goals. I'll try to make it as simple as possible:
We should make it our ambition to love Jesus and follow his instruction, both commandments in the Word and what we hear from him in prayer. Everything else is secondary, period.
For any ambitions that remain, they must be secondary to this first ambition and this first ambition leads to one place and that's to the cross where we come and die every day for the rest of our lives. This is a tough word but it is a wonderful word. I don't have to do it, I don't have to succeed to make it. All I need to do is submit to his leading and direction and allow him to do what he is going to do.
And does this mean that we abandon our ambitions and goals? If the Lord says abandon these desires, then yes, release and repent of these distractions and additions. On the contrary, if the Lord has given us these ambitions and desires for us to healthily pursue in a way that is within his Will and desires for our lives and the lives of those around us, then pursue them as he allows. Pursue in prayer, with all our minds and with the strength of our hands. It is important to keep placing these things at the feet of the cross and continually ask, Lord, do you (still) want me to pursue this to which you have called me to strive and persevere for? Brothers and sisters, be faithful, let this be your act of worship!
The Lord will provide for me. I pray that I will get to be an entrepreneur and have the joy of being able to work with my hands and see the fruits of my labor. Whether that's through my job, or with my dreams, my family, my friends, or perhaps never in any practical or apparent way, I will forever praise the name of the Lord because he is worthy and my life is his, it was bought by the blood of Jesus and I place my hope in him and not some flimsy and worthless ambition. These things will all wilt, die, and eventually burn. What remains is the Word, the Truth, the Trinity, and millions of souls exclaiming Worthy is the Lamb of God! There will always be work to be done here but it should never come at the expense of our faith, our worship, and our love for all and most especially those who by the divine plan of God were meant to intersect with our lives.
Matthew 6
19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
22"The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. 23But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
24"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Perhaps a measure of ambition is a quality of all men. In some it is extinguished when they lose faith in their ability to do anything useful — or in other words they believe they are failures. Still others may cease trying because they know that their ambition has or could become a God, leading them to abandon or disregard their responsibilities. Knowing this, still a few more indulge their ambition and go for it no matter the cost, as shown by Plainview's example in the film.
As someone who has a measure of ambition, and perhaps some hopes and dreams, how can one pursue such ambitions without allowing one's life and faith to be hi-jacked and from turning into a Daniel Plainview?
Bringing it home, I realize that the moments where I turn toward and press into the Lord are usually the moments right after I realize that I have failed again. When I realize I have failed at holding to the Lord's standard or, more regularly, failed at being "successful" in pursuing my own desires (and realize how inferior they are to the Lord and all that he longs to offer to me). I must praise Jesus that I am not more "successful" (by worldly standards) for success is seemingly an indicator that you are doing something right. I praise Jesus for Grace for I am not "succeeding," whatever that means, by the Lord's standard.
And again, I get bored and start to once again pursue something else to hold my time, suit my fancy. This past week it was adding some really cool plug-ins to SimCity 4 and starting to build a new region. Slightly fun but ultimately frustrating and more so an udder waste of time and worship.
Less trivial, I have been working on some projects between phone calls at work. In short, an analysis of where the missing opportunities are for incorporating simple technology into new and old homes to make them more energy and resource efficient. A noble goal and something that I find quite interesting. Somewhere in my mind I believe that I could be successful at integrating these technologies and seeing homes built that embrace them. Other than desiring to be an entrepreneur who wears jeans, gets my hands dirty, and works from my home or a workshop, I really desire no fame or adoration. I'm not planning my life-time achievement award or anything. I am so conflicted because the things that matter like pressing in to Jesus and seeing his will done through loving, serving, and carrying my cross seem to pale in comparison to the more futile desires of succeeding in games or at other "noble pursuits."
A few years back, I was at a Breathe Festival and while praying, I heard a small voice saying that he wanted me to get rid of my computer, camera, and basically all of my technology equipment. Not wanting to accept that it was from the Lord and not believing that it was necessary to follow through, I chose not to. Though I can't be certain that this was the Lord or that I have really made an error here, the wisdom has become clearer. Every morning I wake up and bow down to the computer idol, getting email, news and weather from the internet. I could be praying and thanking God that I am alive and well, able to do his work for hopefully another day. No, I am busy with my own vain pursuits. I could say there are worse pursuits but such distinctions don't really matter in God's economy.
The point here is simple, God needs to be first and I need to leave it all to him. If something good happens, it is by his grace. If nothing "good" from my perspective seems to happen, so be it for I will be in my Father's house soon enough and the troubles of this world will be behind me.
And back to ambitions, are these bad or good, and are they mine or given to me from him? I think some would think that we need to look at what the ambitions are, and what we are sacrificing in order to pursue them. Some may be tempted to try to parse out a grid-work of what are good and bad ambitions or goals. I'll try to make it as simple as possible:
We should make it our ambition to love Jesus and follow his instruction, both commandments in the Word and what we hear from him in prayer. Everything else is secondary, period.
For any ambitions that remain, they must be secondary to this first ambition and this first ambition leads to one place and that's to the cross where we come and die every day for the rest of our lives. This is a tough word but it is a wonderful word. I don't have to do it, I don't have to succeed to make it. All I need to do is submit to his leading and direction and allow him to do what he is going to do.
And does this mean that we abandon our ambitions and goals? If the Lord says abandon these desires, then yes, release and repent of these distractions and additions. On the contrary, if the Lord has given us these ambitions and desires for us to healthily pursue in a way that is within his Will and desires for our lives and the lives of those around us, then pursue them as he allows. Pursue in prayer, with all our minds and with the strength of our hands. It is important to keep placing these things at the feet of the cross and continually ask, Lord, do you (still) want me to pursue this to which you have called me to strive and persevere for? Brothers and sisters, be faithful, let this be your act of worship!
The Lord will provide for me. I pray that I will get to be an entrepreneur and have the joy of being able to work with my hands and see the fruits of my labor. Whether that's through my job, or with my dreams, my family, my friends, or perhaps never in any practical or apparent way, I will forever praise the name of the Lord because he is worthy and my life is his, it was bought by the blood of Jesus and I place my hope in him and not some flimsy and worthless ambition. These things will all wilt, die, and eventually burn. What remains is the Word, the Truth, the Trinity, and millions of souls exclaiming Worthy is the Lamb of God! There will always be work to be done here but it should never come at the expense of our faith, our worship, and our love for all and most especially those who by the divine plan of God were meant to intersect with our lives.
Matthew 6
19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
22"The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. 23But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
24"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Corgan Christmas
Billy Corgan's newest Christmas Song
I heard it while on hold at work... what's going on with this world? Something good, yeah!
Anyway, things are going okay. It's getting colder, wet-er, and windy-er. That's right, winter is upon us and soon there will be snow, lots of beautiful, mind-altering, joy-filled snow!!! I can't wait for the snow! I love it, oh I love it.
Beyond the weather, I'm pushing along. Being poor (by American standards) isn't all that bad. I bet there will be some tight spots soon but it isn't all that bad. So far things are working with the little income I have and hopefully I'll get some more to help me pay down my debt. If you know of job leads, send them my way!
ttyl,
eric
I heard it while on hold at work... what's going on with this world? Something good, yeah!
Anyway, things are going okay. It's getting colder, wet-er, and windy-er. That's right, winter is upon us and soon there will be snow, lots of beautiful, mind-altering, joy-filled snow!!! I can't wait for the snow! I love it, oh I love it.
Beyond the weather, I'm pushing along. Being poor (by American standards) isn't all that bad. I bet there will be some tight spots soon but it isn't all that bad. So far things are working with the little income I have and hopefully I'll get some more to help me pay down my debt. If you know of job leads, send them my way!
ttyl,
eric
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Crazy Fall
Let me share the wonderful things God is doing in my life.
This summer started off in a slump like I have not seen in years. I thought my worth and value was determined by getting a job and succeeding. After all that's why I went to school. Nothing like a depression to help you realize that these things are not worthy of holding our hope and joy.
Several months of depression later, I finally got a part-time job doing something that I was uber-overqualified to do. I had never been more happy to pee into a cup than the day they hired me! This job has been a humbling experience and God has given me grace in it. He's even changed my attitude some, helping me find him in my service to others.
Three weeks ago, I spoke with a good friend about how I really wanted to be used by God to pastor and to expand his Kingdom. He really encouraged me and we prayed. I felt hopeful that God wanted to use me and that this pent up desire could be opened up and walked into. But God wasn't done moving.
A week later, I got off work a little early and made it to Joshua House. I came in, sat down. I started to feel the Spirit come on my as Jonathan Rue shared some words, first of which that he believed God was calling some of us to be Pastors. I came up for prayer. God took this opportunity to speak into me, to encourage his son. It was in this time I felt the Lord specifically say some things that brought a lot of encouragement.
"You are first a son. I want to bless son-ship in your life."
"You've already been given the gift of pastoring, use it."
"Don't waste what I've given you."
All I can say is thank you Lord.
A week later I went to a small group retreat and had several people pray for me there. I wanted one of my group leaders to pray for me but in typical demonic fashion, the girls restroom toilet clogged up and the leader had to help with that. How a girl might have clogged her toilet up (royally I must add), I am not sure but it was "perfect" timing.
In my leader's absence, two of my friends began to pray for me. Three distinct words seem to come out of this. First, choose my words more carefully and avoid sarcasm. Second, God has placed people in my life already that he has appointed for me to help "pastor." Third, God has a higher portion of himself for me if I am willing to pay more for it. In other words, he will give more of himself to me if I am willing to sacrifice more of myself to him. As some may be uncomfortable with this language, let me say that he is the eternal gentleman and we have to invite and willingly give over ourselves to him in order to receive what he'd have for us. As for the higher portion, I have longed for this for weeks and likewise, the Spirit has been developing in me a desire to give up all that I am and seem to control and give it to him. Past, present and future, money, possessions, debt, talents, relationships, family, church, goals, dreams, occupation, education, and more and more and really everything in my life.
The following week, I walked with Jesus in the woods. As I walked, I shared with him my heart and at key times, he shared with me his heart. I think he wants me to bless me with gifts of evangelism, and proclamation of his truth and love. He also told me he's getting me a job at an upcoming job fair. He's told me that he's got me and that he will take care of me.
Today is the day after the Current, an annual conference of the Holy Spirit Task Force of the Great Lakes Region of US Vineyard Church. (I can't make this stuff up.) It was a great weekend and God really blessed me through it. I now know a lot more and I love learning. I also think that I may speak in Tongues (though it doesn't sound like others who I know speak in tongues... an odd but beautiful Gift from the Spirit. Beyond this, I received a lot of prayer and God chose to encourage me a lot. I felt a connection with Jeff Cannell, pastor of Central Vineyard. God doesn't need the star power but it was encouraging to know that the holy angst I've had about wanting to be a pastor is not unusual. Moreover, he blessed what God was doing in my life regarding that stuff and it was quite funny as he walked away, I noticed we have very similar messenger bags, both with the logo of the Israeli Paratroopers on them. I walked away very encouraged and very tired.
Today, I get ready to go to work and I hope to write about what Salvation is about. I pray the Lord would speak to me as I try to write on paper thoughts and concepts that my parents might be able to understand as I try to communicate what Christianity and Jesus are all really about. Like so many, they are confused and hounded by sickness and the evil one. I know God desires something better for them — namely Himself and His Love. I pray that I can formalize these thoughts and communicate them to my parents.
The Lord is doing something new in my life and I am thankful. I feel like a veil has been lifted and that light can shine in like it hasn't in so long. Please pray first and foremost that I would really embrace the son-ship that God wants to bless me with and that I would not be so easily distracted by so many other, lesser things. I know that if I seek him first, the rest will follow and I pray this and really that He would continue to transform my life.
God Bless and have a good day,
Eric
This summer started off in a slump like I have not seen in years. I thought my worth and value was determined by getting a job and succeeding. After all that's why I went to school. Nothing like a depression to help you realize that these things are not worthy of holding our hope and joy.
Several months of depression later, I finally got a part-time job doing something that I was uber-overqualified to do. I had never been more happy to pee into a cup than the day they hired me! This job has been a humbling experience and God has given me grace in it. He's even changed my attitude some, helping me find him in my service to others.
Three weeks ago, I spoke with a good friend about how I really wanted to be used by God to pastor and to expand his Kingdom. He really encouraged me and we prayed. I felt hopeful that God wanted to use me and that this pent up desire could be opened up and walked into. But God wasn't done moving.
A week later, I got off work a little early and made it to Joshua House. I came in, sat down. I started to feel the Spirit come on my as Jonathan Rue shared some words, first of which that he believed God was calling some of us to be Pastors. I came up for prayer. God took this opportunity to speak into me, to encourage his son. It was in this time I felt the Lord specifically say some things that brought a lot of encouragement.
"You are first a son. I want to bless son-ship in your life."
"You've already been given the gift of pastoring, use it."
"Don't waste what I've given you."
All I can say is thank you Lord.
A week later I went to a small group retreat and had several people pray for me there. I wanted one of my group leaders to pray for me but in typical demonic fashion, the girls restroom toilet clogged up and the leader had to help with that. How a girl might have clogged her toilet up (royally I must add), I am not sure but it was "perfect" timing.
In my leader's absence, two of my friends began to pray for me. Three distinct words seem to come out of this. First, choose my words more carefully and avoid sarcasm. Second, God has placed people in my life already that he has appointed for me to help "pastor." Third, God has a higher portion of himself for me if I am willing to pay more for it. In other words, he will give more of himself to me if I am willing to sacrifice more of myself to him. As some may be uncomfortable with this language, let me say that he is the eternal gentleman and we have to invite and willingly give over ourselves to him in order to receive what he'd have for us. As for the higher portion, I have longed for this for weeks and likewise, the Spirit has been developing in me a desire to give up all that I am and seem to control and give it to him. Past, present and future, money, possessions, debt, talents, relationships, family, church, goals, dreams, occupation, education, and more and more and really everything in my life.
The following week, I walked with Jesus in the woods. As I walked, I shared with him my heart and at key times, he shared with me his heart. I think he wants me to bless me with gifts of evangelism, and proclamation of his truth and love. He also told me he's getting me a job at an upcoming job fair. He's told me that he's got me and that he will take care of me.
Today is the day after the Current, an annual conference of the Holy Spirit Task Force of the Great Lakes Region of US Vineyard Church. (I can't make this stuff up.) It was a great weekend and God really blessed me through it. I now know a lot more and I love learning. I also think that I may speak in Tongues (though it doesn't sound like others who I know speak in tongues... an odd but beautiful Gift from the Spirit. Beyond this, I received a lot of prayer and God chose to encourage me a lot. I felt a connection with Jeff Cannell, pastor of Central Vineyard. God doesn't need the star power but it was encouraging to know that the holy angst I've had about wanting to be a pastor is not unusual. Moreover, he blessed what God was doing in my life regarding that stuff and it was quite funny as he walked away, I noticed we have very similar messenger bags, both with the logo of the Israeli Paratroopers on them. I walked away very encouraged and very tired.
Today, I get ready to go to work and I hope to write about what Salvation is about. I pray the Lord would speak to me as I try to write on paper thoughts and concepts that my parents might be able to understand as I try to communicate what Christianity and Jesus are all really about. Like so many, they are confused and hounded by sickness and the evil one. I know God desires something better for them — namely Himself and His Love. I pray that I can formalize these thoughts and communicate them to my parents.
The Lord is doing something new in my life and I am thankful. I feel like a veil has been lifted and that light can shine in like it hasn't in so long. Please pray first and foremost that I would really embrace the son-ship that God wants to bless me with and that I would not be so easily distracted by so many other, lesser things. I know that if I seek him first, the rest will follow and I pray this and really that He would continue to transform my life.
God Bless and have a good day,
Eric
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Crazy September
I want to say this first, I hate facebook. That's right, facebook — step off! What did facebook do you may ask? First and foremost it ruined my life, chance of having a livelihood, children, retirement, etc. We're suing.... No really, I hate that everyone posts pictures of me that are embarrassing, unflattering, and perhaps worse. I could remove the tags but actions in the virtual have affects in reality. That's short for there will be hell to pay. One issue at a time I guess.
Beyond facebook, can I say that it seems like life can really suck at times. These have been crazy months, months where I've tried to avoid Jesus, got myself in over my head in a relationship, and found that life is hard and can really suck sometimes. Okay, that's circular but you get to where I'm at and then we'll talk. It's times like these that make me say I hate the world and Jesus, come get me, we're going home or at least somewhere else because I thought we were going to the ice rink or skateworld or something. This is not skateworld damn-it!
I hate the fact that I have so many commitments. Today, I pissed into a cup and if that and a background check come back alright, I should begin training to be a CSR at Safelite Autoglass. This is a F*CKING BLESSING at the point where any further (within two months) and I'd be moving home to live with my parents and look for something there — where unemployment is +2% worse, pay is dismal, and young people flee. And I felt like it could work because I miss my parents some and don't want to deal with relationships in Columbus anymore. Nothing against people here and I've got a few great friendships but I get no time to myself and feel like text messages and commitments are breathing down my neck. I know I'm the messed up one here, no one else is at fault. In fact, everyone else, especially my girl, has done an excellent job of giving me space but I still feel enclosed and drowning.
And it is in times like these that wholesale changes need to happen because I'm tired of doing the status quo. What that means? I'm not sure. I thought about changing my name on facebook but instead I decided to limit security settings even more. Next, I may un-tag every single freaking photograph and ask my friends not to post or tag me in their photos, at least to use some discretion. I know I'm 25 but I'm sure that my friend's moms and potential employers don't need to see me with that crazy freaking smile or drunk-like blank stair that sometimes I have. Image isn't everything but it's important and I don't need the stress of thinking that people can see those images and that those kinds of things could be used to discriminate or at least misinform them of who I am. It's not like every photo is me holding a red cup and actually very few if any actually show me consuming any alcohol. The issue is a lack of discretion and before I know it, there will be a thousand photos posted and for what? So stalkers and future employers can rustle through them? So I can feel embarrassed all over again when I look at photos that show me doing weird things?
Am I being paranoid and freaked out too much here? Probably.
At this point to try to summarize things. I don't feel like many people get me, accept me, or really know anything else for that matter. That's okay but I'm not living a life that's true to Jesus or myself. This blog post is stuff seeping out of the wound. I need time and more of a desire to seek out Jesus and when I have so many surfacy relationships (sugar) and responsibilities I question how I can juggle everything (aka sour stomach from eating too much sugar). It's not the fault of the people I'm in relationship with but I need more space, lots more space.
A small but important victory — I am going to no longer try to impress or worry about impressing my small group leaders. The co-dependency in that relationship is going away and I hope it goes for good. Too be honest, I wish all the dependency would go away in all my relationships but that may take some time, hard conversations, and discipline to pursue what is most important in this life — loving and pursuing Jesus, loving myself, loving others, etc. Life was meant to be about more than all of this and I think I need to go on a sugar diet to find out.
Beyond facebook, can I say that it seems like life can really suck at times. These have been crazy months, months where I've tried to avoid Jesus, got myself in over my head in a relationship, and found that life is hard and can really suck sometimes. Okay, that's circular but you get to where I'm at and then we'll talk. It's times like these that make me say I hate the world and Jesus, come get me, we're going home or at least somewhere else because I thought we were going to the ice rink or skateworld or something. This is not skateworld damn-it!
I hate the fact that I have so many commitments. Today, I pissed into a cup and if that and a background check come back alright, I should begin training to be a CSR at Safelite Autoglass. This is a F*CKING BLESSING at the point where any further (within two months) and I'd be moving home to live with my parents and look for something there — where unemployment is +2% worse, pay is dismal, and young people flee. And I felt like it could work because I miss my parents some and don't want to deal with relationships in Columbus anymore. Nothing against people here and I've got a few great friendships but I get no time to myself and feel like text messages and commitments are breathing down my neck. I know I'm the messed up one here, no one else is at fault. In fact, everyone else, especially my girl, has done an excellent job of giving me space but I still feel enclosed and drowning.
And it is in times like these that wholesale changes need to happen because I'm tired of doing the status quo. What that means? I'm not sure. I thought about changing my name on facebook but instead I decided to limit security settings even more. Next, I may un-tag every single freaking photograph and ask my friends not to post or tag me in their photos, at least to use some discretion. I know I'm 25 but I'm sure that my friend's moms and potential employers don't need to see me with that crazy freaking smile or drunk-like blank stair that sometimes I have. Image isn't everything but it's important and I don't need the stress of thinking that people can see those images and that those kinds of things could be used to discriminate or at least misinform them of who I am. It's not like every photo is me holding a red cup and actually very few if any actually show me consuming any alcohol. The issue is a lack of discretion and before I know it, there will be a thousand photos posted and for what? So stalkers and future employers can rustle through them? So I can feel embarrassed all over again when I look at photos that show me doing weird things?
Am I being paranoid and freaked out too much here? Probably.
At this point to try to summarize things. I don't feel like many people get me, accept me, or really know anything else for that matter. That's okay but I'm not living a life that's true to Jesus or myself. This blog post is stuff seeping out of the wound. I need time and more of a desire to seek out Jesus and when I have so many surfacy relationships (sugar) and responsibilities I question how I can juggle everything (aka sour stomach from eating too much sugar). It's not the fault of the people I'm in relationship with but I need more space, lots more space.
A small but important victory — I am going to no longer try to impress or worry about impressing my small group leaders. The co-dependency in that relationship is going away and I hope it goes for good. Too be honest, I wish all the dependency would go away in all my relationships but that may take some time, hard conversations, and discipline to pursue what is most important in this life — loving and pursuing Jesus, loving myself, loving others, etc. Life was meant to be about more than all of this and I think I need to go on a sugar diet to find out.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Keep Pushing On
The Lord will sanctify me in his timing. I know He has me, and he will do what he is doing in his timing. This is a season in which I need to turn in toward him and I pray that this is happening! What is this "turn in toward him?"
In the simplest form, it is embracing more of the daily and really hourly prayer life (e.g. "Lord, Father, this is hard and things are difficult. Please help me." and "Please speak to me, guide me Father, let my will be your will, let my actions be those that glorify you, and help me to be obedient in everything!"
Beyond this, it's creating space and praying for and listening (mostly listening) for what the Lord would want to say about these things. These things today are "should I move?" "where should I move?" "Guide me to find a job," "Give me a job," "Help me to lead my relationship with Lindsey" (my G.F.), "help me to be obedient and under your direction," "Share with me what you want to share with me Father," "help me find the people you want me to love today," and "Please help me find joy Lord." I ask, and he speaks. Am I listening. So many times I don't hear what he wants to say. Sometimes he speaks louder, but usually, I miss him altogether. Do I not want to live with God those days? Am I just too busy? Am I rejecting the Spirit? Does he grant me grace and patiently wait until I come back?
This is such a crazy season. In many ways, I want it all to change. Unlike before, I'm starting to realize that changing everything is a great way to crash and burn. I'm also realizing that I need to move in the flow that the Lord is moving, and if I want to experience blessing and move as he would lead me, I have to stop and submit what's going on to him, listen and be obedient. Wisdom helps guide me here — obviously I need a job and the Lord has instructed us (so to say) through St. Paul that we are in fact to do work so that we can take care of ourselves and others. Okay, I'll be working on that.
In another vein though, I am trying to move. Why? Not necessarily because the Lord is "calling me" toward something but rather, I feel like I need to move on. Why? The peace is gone and I am, at times, full of malice. When I move on, will I have to deal with this — ohhh yes! Perhaps I'm running away from this but I know that this is all something that I need to get over. To sum it up, envy and jealousy and those sins compounded by my desire to judge others for, in my eyes, being selfish and self focused. Am I being selfish and self focused? Sure, I have to say... (enter excuses: but I'm on the brink (six months) of being completely broke and they are lavishly spending without regard for those (like me) who are getting pinched. Who's guilty in this kind of a situation — certainly me and that's all I can really say (confess).
What I want to move toward (calling or not) is a situation where I can stop hemorrhaging money as fast and potentially start saving and/or paying down debt as fast as possible. $53k in the whole with school loans, I need it to be paid off and fast. If I can pay $10K/yr (by living dirt cheap), it can be gone in six years. I'll be 31, maybe married, and on to whatever I will do next in my life — hopefully free of being a slave to debt! Lord, please help me get rid of this beast in my life!
Tomorrow is the fun day — swim party, state fair, and dinner with a friend who's getting married. Sunday and Monday I'm back in Dayton — where I'm from.
Best wishes,
Eric
In the simplest form, it is embracing more of the daily and really hourly prayer life (e.g. "Lord, Father, this is hard and things are difficult. Please help me." and "Please speak to me, guide me Father, let my will be your will, let my actions be those that glorify you, and help me to be obedient in everything!"
Beyond this, it's creating space and praying for and listening (mostly listening) for what the Lord would want to say about these things. These things today are "should I move?" "where should I move?" "Guide me to find a job," "Give me a job," "Help me to lead my relationship with Lindsey" (my G.F.), "help me to be obedient and under your direction," "Share with me what you want to share with me Father," "help me find the people you want me to love today," and "Please help me find joy Lord." I ask, and he speaks. Am I listening. So many times I don't hear what he wants to say. Sometimes he speaks louder, but usually, I miss him altogether. Do I not want to live with God those days? Am I just too busy? Am I rejecting the Spirit? Does he grant me grace and patiently wait until I come back?
This is such a crazy season. In many ways, I want it all to change. Unlike before, I'm starting to realize that changing everything is a great way to crash and burn. I'm also realizing that I need to move in the flow that the Lord is moving, and if I want to experience blessing and move as he would lead me, I have to stop and submit what's going on to him, listen and be obedient. Wisdom helps guide me here — obviously I need a job and the Lord has instructed us (so to say) through St. Paul that we are in fact to do work so that we can take care of ourselves and others. Okay, I'll be working on that.
In another vein though, I am trying to move. Why? Not necessarily because the Lord is "calling me" toward something but rather, I feel like I need to move on. Why? The peace is gone and I am, at times, full of malice. When I move on, will I have to deal with this — ohhh yes! Perhaps I'm running away from this but I know that this is all something that I need to get over. To sum it up, envy and jealousy and those sins compounded by my desire to judge others for, in my eyes, being selfish and self focused. Am I being selfish and self focused? Sure, I have to say... (enter excuses: but I'm on the brink (six months) of being completely broke and they are lavishly spending without regard for those (like me) who are getting pinched. Who's guilty in this kind of a situation — certainly me and that's all I can really say (confess).
What I want to move toward (calling or not) is a situation where I can stop hemorrhaging money as fast and potentially start saving and/or paying down debt as fast as possible. $53k in the whole with school loans, I need it to be paid off and fast. If I can pay $10K/yr (by living dirt cheap), it can be gone in six years. I'll be 31, maybe married, and on to whatever I will do next in my life — hopefully free of being a slave to debt! Lord, please help me get rid of this beast in my life!
Tomorrow is the fun day — swim party, state fair, and dinner with a friend who's getting married. Sunday and Monday I'm back in Dayton — where I'm from.
Best wishes,
Eric
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Depressed
Not that you want to hear this.
Not that I want to write this.
I think I may be depressed.
Today started off well, breakfast with a good friend of mine. Light snack for lunch with another good friend of mine. From then on, it was home for my third meeting for the day. That meeting didn't happen, and those kinds of things sometimes happen. This was a nice break from my normal schedule of nothing and more nothing.
Life as an unemployed person is, well, depressing for me. I should maybe feel perky and happy after Breathe but I don't. Reality (as I see it) has set back in and it is quite clear — I need a job soon and I need to make at least $12/hr to pay most of my bills. I would be better if I could make at least $14 to $15. If I was employed in my field, I'd be making $15 to $20/hr. I don't want to think about this.
More than the money, I am alone. Very little contact with others, though today was an exception. Stir-crazy may come close to explaining where I'm at right now. I have the cash, I could go eat a nice meal at a nice restaurant but instead, I'm deciding between eating the baked beans given to me as a gag-gift and pasta and a bratwurst.
Maybe the Lord is trying to break me. It is no secret that I am having a really, really hard time dealing with the fact that I am unemployed and have been so for about a month now since graduating. It's been almost four months since I got laid-off from my internship. I'm not saying that the Lord tries to break people but he knows that he isn't first right now — being joyful in him isn't happening right now and not only that, I'm starting to think that I'm making agreements about him in not having work. I'm next to livid, angry, vile. I went to school because there wasn't anything to do and I felt like he was telling me to go to school so I went and now 40K in the hole and in the middle of the depression/recession, no one is freaking hiring people like me anymore. I would probably go back for something I knew I could make money doing but, oh that's right, I have now $53k in debt. Whoops!
So what do I do?
I guess I send applications even though I am so fearful of rejection.
I guess I pray harder, maybe fast.
I guess I take more risks, apply everywhere and try for anything.
I guess I confess my sin and ask the Lord to fix me and, in his timing, give me a job.
Please pray.
Not that I want to write this.
I think I may be depressed.
Today started off well, breakfast with a good friend of mine. Light snack for lunch with another good friend of mine. From then on, it was home for my third meeting for the day. That meeting didn't happen, and those kinds of things sometimes happen. This was a nice break from my normal schedule of nothing and more nothing.
Life as an unemployed person is, well, depressing for me. I should maybe feel perky and happy after Breathe but I don't. Reality (as I see it) has set back in and it is quite clear — I need a job soon and I need to make at least $12/hr to pay most of my bills. I would be better if I could make at least $14 to $15. If I was employed in my field, I'd be making $15 to $20/hr. I don't want to think about this.
More than the money, I am alone. Very little contact with others, though today was an exception. Stir-crazy may come close to explaining where I'm at right now. I have the cash, I could go eat a nice meal at a nice restaurant but instead, I'm deciding between eating the baked beans given to me as a gag-gift and pasta and a bratwurst.
Maybe the Lord is trying to break me. It is no secret that I am having a really, really hard time dealing with the fact that I am unemployed and have been so for about a month now since graduating. It's been almost four months since I got laid-off from my internship. I'm not saying that the Lord tries to break people but he knows that he isn't first right now — being joyful in him isn't happening right now and not only that, I'm starting to think that I'm making agreements about him in not having work. I'm next to livid, angry, vile. I went to school because there wasn't anything to do and I felt like he was telling me to go to school so I went and now 40K in the hole and in the middle of the depression/recession, no one is freaking hiring people like me anymore. I would probably go back for something I knew I could make money doing but, oh that's right, I have now $53k in debt. Whoops!
So what do I do?
I guess I send applications even though I am so fearful of rejection.
I guess I pray harder, maybe fast.
I guess I take more risks, apply everywhere and try for anything.
I guess I confess my sin and ask the Lord to fix me and, in his timing, give me a job.
Please pray.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Breathe 2009
Today is Monday, the Monday after breathe.
Returning from the mountain is so hard. Like waking up from a night of dreaming, the fleeting thoughts and feelings seem to slip. I write hoping to document some of those reactions to this year's Breathe festival.
LOVING OTHERS IS KEY
I walk away knowing that I am, at most times, too obsessed about details and not concerned with people. Jesus wants me to be about him and his people, showing mercy and grace, loving people where they're at and all of that. Though God-given, I have an amazing capacity to notice and a strong desire to fix details, problems, issues, etc. I fix things and I fix them well. Though this desire for perfectionism matters in some situations, it does not matter in most... and in most all, it is subordinate to loving people. This is especially difficult when dealing with others who like to control details and may have similar gifts yet, in my estimation, do things wrong or break things.
We all can be better at what we do, me included, and some are more able than others. The key for me is realizing that the goal of camping at breathe is to be at breathe and have reasonable shelter — if we fail, a tent collapses, something breaks, etc. My intervention to fix and do things better (making tents work, fixing things in general is a strength of mine) is not needed unless asked and furthermore, it's more important to love and assist others than try to explain and fix in a gruff, frustrated, and perhaps condescending manner. I may be freakishly smart at fixing stuff but getting along with people remains a weakness, one that I think God wants to work on and I'm eagerly anticipating his healing work, God — the one who is able to fix anything and everything to be perfect as he made it. I long for his healing work in my life.
INADEQUACY TO WORSHIP EFFECTIVELY
I felt like worship was, well, boring the first night. I wasn't feeling it, getting into it. I didn't know the songs, I didn't really feel the Lord, I was tired and stressed.... On Saturday, things changed and I really felt like the Lord met us. By session three on Saturday night, I felt like the Lord really came and a strong desire to worship him. The desire at times seems weird and fleeting itself but I worshiped all the same. I want to feel sucked into worship, like it is something I cannot compel myself to abstain from — like it is something I long to do and am sucked into... but rather, it usually is something I have to focus on and push into. I think either form is fine, God want's us to worship and that is a difficult thing to do, rejecting the desires of ourselves, the world, and Satan to put our attention, focus, and bodies before God and praise him! We were made to praise but at times it feels like I'm so divided. Anyway, several times I got really caught up in praising God and just felt totally inadequate to pray and praise. I felt like the Lord was saying that he wanted to give me the gift of praying (praising) in tongues and that I should find a certain person to pray with and that it would be given to me. It didn't work out to do that and we ended up praying the next day. All I can say is that it hasn't happened yet but I hope and pray that it will happen soon, in His timing.
OTHER GREAT INSIGHTS AND QUOTABLES
Mike Erre (Friday night)
— The reward of following Jesus is Jesus. — Mike Erre
— We can say "no" to Jesus' instruction and teaching... but where else would we go? How can we say "no" to Jesus when he's the one we trust, love, believe is the one, the savior, etc.
Mike Erre (Saturday morning)
— Jesus is more radical than we ever thought he was or could be.
— Our faith should be a faith of action, that is doing or living the life of faith and not simply an intellectual pursuit.
— actions show what we really believe and eventually our actions should start showing that we are submitting to and trusting in Jesus and the Scriptures.
— following Jesus is doing and acting in such a way as we already are. When we gained faith and salvation in Jesus, our lives and destinies changed, he changed us... and we must put to death the ways of the old to accept the new life Christ has for us in this age and the age to come!
Jay Pathak (Saturday night)
— The Jesus story, the story we were all made for.
— The Jesus story is the one we should believe yet other stories compete for our hearts.
— People are inhibited from moving forward because of hurdles inside of us that must be jumped before we can see things change on the outside. Love with Jesus drives us forward through these hurdles....
— We must be rooted and established in Jesus (eph 3:14)
— We can do nothing (of significance) apart from Jesus (jn 15:5-17)
— Changes happens passively and not always actively.
— Everything God does in you moves from the inside out.
— Simple things become impossible when we're disconnected from Jesus — seek him first and ask him to uproot the weeds in our lives rather than just trying to hack away the weeds and leaving the roots behind. God wants to completely restore you, not manage your sin.
— Watch for bad fruit and know that it does not come from the Father
— If you love, you'll obey. If you obey, you will be loved. This is relational, obeying flows out of relationship.
— If you make me (Jesus) the priority, the center — I'll reveal and share things with you, the future will open.
— To see Jesus changes everything.... what's possible for me, what competes with him. wouldn't it be great if all of this was simple again, and it is with Jesus.
Jay Pathak (Sunday AM)
— Our lives at church and in the Kingdom are mroe real than all else...
— How do we stay there and not get lost in normalcy?
— We must know ourselves, our feers, our concerns, and believe that Jesus is more and have our hearts in a place where we're ready to respond in a moment.
— Take life by the horns, be real, be authentic.... the key issue that inhibits growth and realizing dreams is not a lack of knowledge or information but a need to release yourself from the things that bind you, your fears.
— We can be afraid and not know it, largely because of subtle fears that we are comfortable with such as insecurity, fear, shame, and doubt that prevent us from seeing the possible.
— Stop making excuses and be ready for the Lord and say "yes" to his calling...
— Don't waste your life waiting for the "right" time.
— Don't let fear keep you from taking chances. You'll make mistakes but every once in a while you'll get something right, really right. Though fear of making mistakes is normal, don't let it paralyze you from taking risks.
— Don't wait to see opportunities in the rear-view mirror.
— Remove resistance so you can move when God moves you to. (1 Peter 3:9)
— Don't worry, we can't make Jesus look bad, we can't.
— If we deal with our fear, we can then move when He leads... if you must be afraid, be afraid of God. Do not be afraid of this world or of man.
—Three main fears
1. Fear of Rejection (man). Don't be afraid of things that lead to death (symbolic and literal) because it is death that leads to life.
2. Fear of Failure. We all will fail but will you fail by not even trying or will you fail in your trying? Peter is looked at as a failure for not having enough faith to be able to walk all the way to Jesus on the water but remember, he was the only one who got up and attempted it (he got two steps before starting to sink), the rest simply looked on and had not enough faith to attempt such thing.
3. Fear of Success. Afraid that things will work out (if God really does come through) and that it will change my life, things may never be the same.
I'll post more soon but this is it for now...
Returning from the mountain is so hard. Like waking up from a night of dreaming, the fleeting thoughts and feelings seem to slip. I write hoping to document some of those reactions to this year's Breathe festival.
LOVING OTHERS IS KEY
I walk away knowing that I am, at most times, too obsessed about details and not concerned with people. Jesus wants me to be about him and his people, showing mercy and grace, loving people where they're at and all of that. Though God-given, I have an amazing capacity to notice and a strong desire to fix details, problems, issues, etc. I fix things and I fix them well. Though this desire for perfectionism matters in some situations, it does not matter in most... and in most all, it is subordinate to loving people. This is especially difficult when dealing with others who like to control details and may have similar gifts yet, in my estimation, do things wrong or break things.
We all can be better at what we do, me included, and some are more able than others. The key for me is realizing that the goal of camping at breathe is to be at breathe and have reasonable shelter — if we fail, a tent collapses, something breaks, etc. My intervention to fix and do things better (making tents work, fixing things in general is a strength of mine) is not needed unless asked and furthermore, it's more important to love and assist others than try to explain and fix in a gruff, frustrated, and perhaps condescending manner. I may be freakishly smart at fixing stuff but getting along with people remains a weakness, one that I think God wants to work on and I'm eagerly anticipating his healing work, God — the one who is able to fix anything and everything to be perfect as he made it. I long for his healing work in my life.
INADEQUACY TO WORSHIP EFFECTIVELY
I felt like worship was, well, boring the first night. I wasn't feeling it, getting into it. I didn't know the songs, I didn't really feel the Lord, I was tired and stressed.... On Saturday, things changed and I really felt like the Lord met us. By session three on Saturday night, I felt like the Lord really came and a strong desire to worship him. The desire at times seems weird and fleeting itself but I worshiped all the same. I want to feel sucked into worship, like it is something I cannot compel myself to abstain from — like it is something I long to do and am sucked into... but rather, it usually is something I have to focus on and push into. I think either form is fine, God want's us to worship and that is a difficult thing to do, rejecting the desires of ourselves, the world, and Satan to put our attention, focus, and bodies before God and praise him! We were made to praise but at times it feels like I'm so divided. Anyway, several times I got really caught up in praising God and just felt totally inadequate to pray and praise. I felt like the Lord was saying that he wanted to give me the gift of praying (praising) in tongues and that I should find a certain person to pray with and that it would be given to me. It didn't work out to do that and we ended up praying the next day. All I can say is that it hasn't happened yet but I hope and pray that it will happen soon, in His timing.
OTHER GREAT INSIGHTS AND QUOTABLES
Mike Erre (Friday night)
— The reward of following Jesus is Jesus. — Mike Erre
— We can say "no" to Jesus' instruction and teaching... but where else would we go? How can we say "no" to Jesus when he's the one we trust, love, believe is the one, the savior, etc.
Mike Erre (Saturday morning)
— Jesus is more radical than we ever thought he was or could be.
— Our faith should be a faith of action, that is doing or living the life of faith and not simply an intellectual pursuit.
— actions show what we really believe and eventually our actions should start showing that we are submitting to and trusting in Jesus and the Scriptures.
— following Jesus is doing and acting in such a way as we already are. When we gained faith and salvation in Jesus, our lives and destinies changed, he changed us... and we must put to death the ways of the old to accept the new life Christ has for us in this age and the age to come!
Jay Pathak (Saturday night)
— The Jesus story, the story we were all made for.
— The Jesus story is the one we should believe yet other stories compete for our hearts.
— People are inhibited from moving forward because of hurdles inside of us that must be jumped before we can see things change on the outside. Love with Jesus drives us forward through these hurdles....
— We must be rooted and established in Jesus (eph 3:14)
— We can do nothing (of significance) apart from Jesus (jn 15:5-17)
— Changes happens passively and not always actively.
— Everything God does in you moves from the inside out.
— Simple things become impossible when we're disconnected from Jesus — seek him first and ask him to uproot the weeds in our lives rather than just trying to hack away the weeds and leaving the roots behind. God wants to completely restore you, not manage your sin.
— Watch for bad fruit and know that it does not come from the Father
— If you love, you'll obey. If you obey, you will be loved. This is relational, obeying flows out of relationship.
— If you make me (Jesus) the priority, the center — I'll reveal and share things with you, the future will open.
— To see Jesus changes everything.... what's possible for me, what competes with him. wouldn't it be great if all of this was simple again, and it is with Jesus.
Jay Pathak (Sunday AM)
— Our lives at church and in the Kingdom are mroe real than all else...
— How do we stay there and not get lost in normalcy?
— We must know ourselves, our feers, our concerns, and believe that Jesus is more and have our hearts in a place where we're ready to respond in a moment.
— Take life by the horns, be real, be authentic.... the key issue that inhibits growth and realizing dreams is not a lack of knowledge or information but a need to release yourself from the things that bind you, your fears.
— We can be afraid and not know it, largely because of subtle fears that we are comfortable with such as insecurity, fear, shame, and doubt that prevent us from seeing the possible.
— Stop making excuses and be ready for the Lord and say "yes" to his calling...
— Don't waste your life waiting for the "right" time.
— Don't let fear keep you from taking chances. You'll make mistakes but every once in a while you'll get something right, really right. Though fear of making mistakes is normal, don't let it paralyze you from taking risks.
— Don't wait to see opportunities in the rear-view mirror.
— Remove resistance so you can move when God moves you to. (1 Peter 3:9)
— Don't worry, we can't make Jesus look bad, we can't.
— If we deal with our fear, we can then move when He leads... if you must be afraid, be afraid of God. Do not be afraid of this world or of man.
—Three main fears
1. Fear of Rejection (man). Don't be afraid of things that lead to death (symbolic and literal) because it is death that leads to life.
2. Fear of Failure. We all will fail but will you fail by not even trying or will you fail in your trying? Peter is looked at as a failure for not having enough faith to be able to walk all the way to Jesus on the water but remember, he was the only one who got up and attempted it (he got two steps before starting to sink), the rest simply looked on and had not enough faith to attempt such thing.
3. Fear of Success. Afraid that things will work out (if God really does come through) and that it will change my life, things may never be the same.
I'll post more soon but this is it for now...
Friday, July 10, 2009
I need a job Lord, please save me.
Today I continued my job search... online.
I'm realizing that I'm depressed and that I both majored and mastered in programs that were not really in demand. The Bureau of Labor Statistics says Planning as a job field will grow over the next few years but that projection was made before the credit crisis of 2008. I'm starting to get really tired of being unemployed.
I could listen to a sermon, read, or even pray but all of that just seems so futile now. I know that I'm under attack from the enemy today. He wants to steal my joy. It seems so easy to believe him when things are so bad right now. So bad in comparison to what I had hoped for — the land of milk and honey after getting a master's degree. At least I have food to eat and a house over my head (for now). The funny thing is that I don't know if I even want to be a planner anyway. At a time, I wanted to work for the church, I wanted to be a pastor. Today I think about how many classes would it take to get me to pass the CPA exam or get some sort of medical license. I think about serving, I think about selling. I think about how I'm in a spot right now.
Lord, please get me a job
I'm realizing that I'm depressed and that I both majored and mastered in programs that were not really in demand. The Bureau of Labor Statistics says Planning as a job field will grow over the next few years but that projection was made before the credit crisis of 2008. I'm starting to get really tired of being unemployed.
I could listen to a sermon, read, or even pray but all of that just seems so futile now. I know that I'm under attack from the enemy today. He wants to steal my joy. It seems so easy to believe him when things are so bad right now. So bad in comparison to what I had hoped for — the land of milk and honey after getting a master's degree. At least I have food to eat and a house over my head (for now). The funny thing is that I don't know if I even want to be a planner anyway. At a time, I wanted to work for the church, I wanted to be a pastor. Today I think about how many classes would it take to get me to pass the CPA exam or get some sort of medical license. I think about serving, I think about selling. I think about how I'm in a spot right now.
Lord, please get me a job
Sunday, July 5, 2009
I am proud and it is not good!
I had plans of writing a book this summer. When? I'm not sure, but I was thinking about it. I'm 25, pious and unwise, proud and unbridled, sarcastic and unfiltered. For now, I have my blog. As for writing books, the things that people pay money to buy and read, I should wait. My wisdom is limited, my perspective is unsure, I am uneasy. This is where I try to figure this stuff and other things out.
I am haughty and this is not something to prideful about. I judge most and tell others what I think. I try to polish it off, "calling a spade a spade," or something. Dissension will help no one but that doesn't stop me. I assail my pastor, other pastors and churches, brothers and sisters who sin in one way or the other. I am hardly ever rebuked or challenged and in many ways, I feel adrift in a sea of lawlessness and injustice. In my pain, in my hurting, I sometimes seek to take others down and for this I say I'm sorry and confess that this is behavior unbecoming of a disciple of Christ.
All I desire is to know him more. To know him more, I feel I must learn how to allow him to go out before me, and to respect the authority he has established. Respect the authority means placing yourself underneath that authority and allowing others to challenge, rebuke, encourage, guide, and direct me toward being a more faithful servant. I hope to find those believers.
Until I find those people, I'm left here to largely figure it out on my own. This pains me. I want to be under authority. Processing this here and now, beyond being under the authority of Christ, I want to be under the authority (and correction) of those who can help me be a more mature and effective disciple — notably older Christians who aren't tossed to and fro by the waves of this life.
Not to diminish the point above, for now I (pridefully) believe that it is possible to discern both Spiritually and through observation as to whether or not the actions of an individual are effective, helpful, biblical, etc. Is this being judgmental? Can the actions be judged and the person (their soul, character, etc.) be kept separate from their actions? Perhaps it matters as to whether or not the issues are black and white, or grey?
We can parse words all day but my heart shows that I am clearly guilty of malice and bitterness. I have willfully and wantonly engaged in these kinds of issues and have done so in a way that has been careful and I still feel as if I am leading to dissension and causing problems. I have no outlet but prayer and though appealing to the ultimate authority seems to be the obvious thing, it seems bothersome (immaturity?). All I can say is Lord help me, have mercy on my because I'm a sinner and miss the forest for the trees everyday! Bring me out of this fog, tear me down and make me humble!
I am haughty and this is not something to prideful about. I judge most and tell others what I think. I try to polish it off, "calling a spade a spade," or something. Dissension will help no one but that doesn't stop me. I assail my pastor, other pastors and churches, brothers and sisters who sin in one way or the other. I am hardly ever rebuked or challenged and in many ways, I feel adrift in a sea of lawlessness and injustice. In my pain, in my hurting, I sometimes seek to take others down and for this I say I'm sorry and confess that this is behavior unbecoming of a disciple of Christ.
All I desire is to know him more. To know him more, I feel I must learn how to allow him to go out before me, and to respect the authority he has established. Respect the authority means placing yourself underneath that authority and allowing others to challenge, rebuke, encourage, guide, and direct me toward being a more faithful servant. I hope to find those believers.
Until I find those people, I'm left here to largely figure it out on my own. This pains me. I want to be under authority. Processing this here and now, beyond being under the authority of Christ, I want to be under the authority (and correction) of those who can help me be a more mature and effective disciple — notably older Christians who aren't tossed to and fro by the waves of this life.
Not to diminish the point above, for now I (pridefully) believe that it is possible to discern both Spiritually and through observation as to whether or not the actions of an individual are effective, helpful, biblical, etc. Is this being judgmental? Can the actions be judged and the person (their soul, character, etc.) be kept separate from their actions? Perhaps it matters as to whether or not the issues are black and white, or grey?
We can parse words all day but my heart shows that I am clearly guilty of malice and bitterness. I have willfully and wantonly engaged in these kinds of issues and have done so in a way that has been careful and I still feel as if I am leading to dissension and causing problems. I have no outlet but prayer and though appealing to the ultimate authority seems to be the obvious thing, it seems bothersome (immaturity?). All I can say is Lord help me, have mercy on my because I'm a sinner and miss the forest for the trees everyday! Bring me out of this fog, tear me down and make me humble!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Surprise Parties, and Intellectualism and the Gospel
Surprise Parties
So, my girlfriend is sweet. She threw me a surprise graduation party under the guise of a date and, well, I was fooled. I'm amazed my group could keep a secret like that and it was pretty sweet. She even invited some people from my major - people who don't go to our church. I was floored when they arrived, booze and all! More floored when a cop showed up because we were being "too loud" according to one of our neighbors. "Too loud" in this case included music being played off a laptop's speakers and some people having a conversation on the porch and others having talking and having a good time inside. No debauchery, no outbursts of laughter, no fun... except for me, I was having fun but it was in my soul, not audible as loudness. Anyway, good times. I just hope that we can have that date that I thought we were going to have. Facebook will be updated in a few hours.
Intellectualism
I'll try to be brief, not usually a skill of intellectuals but one I try to practice anyway -- we've all got a lot of stuff to do. Intellectuals need good books to read, people to talk to, and teachers who will help them learn more. I get it and I encourage those people (probably including myself) to pursue those things but I would exhort them to consider their place in the Church. I think intellectuals are needed to fulfill several functions in the local church: to care about and try to understand the finer points of the Bible and Faith and help make those accessible to the masses; to help ensure that we are reflecting, in Chandler's words, "The Manifold Wisdom of God" in the ways we conduct ourselves; and to help ensure we are worshiping and living in "Spirit and Truth."
These could be blended together in a soup, sliced and diced however you may but a central point remains. God has gifted intellectuals with a desire (hopefully) and a capacity to understand just a little bit more than the rest of us about the scriptures and the world around us. "Just a little bit more" is subjective and relative -- though our understanding is still no where near what God's understanding is, at times we are spectacularly flabbergasted by the insanity that some pastors and laypeople have exhibited in the Church. In times like this, it seems as if loving others and trying not to judge are tasks that I doubt that I could ever perform short of living an empowered life.
I feel your pain and all I can say is that there's no life in trying to withdraw yourself from others and their splendid mistakes. All of these instances are evidences for why the church needs you to at least pray, and at most lovingly point out the mistake WHEN GOD APPOINTS. This involves waiting, praying, listening, being humble, loving. If you want to grow as an intellectual, you'll do these things and not be so quick to rebuke and shut down others. You are a part of the body and when you leave, you take something with you. I shouldn't have to explain this but I will -- God established this time for us to be together and when you withdraw to other places, you're taking a gift set that he gave you to bless one group and leaving for another. What good is it for all of the eyes to be together and all of the feet and hands to be in a different group?
This all being said, I think it is key that intellectuals be received and encouraged within the local church. Intellectuals who have a desire for God and his Glory are helpful. Examples of how they can serve the Church include discipling and teaching others, preparing materials, bring complicated topics and concepts down to a lower shelf so to speak, etc. Most of these roles are outward focused and it's not by accident. Intellectuals, and every other "group," need to understand that the fulfillment of the Christian life is a life that pours the Gospel, Love, (Spiritual) Gifts, Truth, etc. out on others and not a life where one holds onto such things in a vain attempt to accumulate as much as one can hold on to (which is much less than we might think).
The Christian life is not inwardly bent but it is bent outward, Christ comes, restores our right standing with God and gives us the Spirit, gives us Gifts, starts to lead us down the path of Progressive Sanctification (increasing Holiness), starts to heal us and show us his love. Though these things are for us, they are also for others, specifically to build up and glorify the body (church), to share the good news with others, and disciple, baptise, and teach those who embrace Jesus. When intellectuals say that they don't want to be a part of a community that doesn't want them, they can miss out on these parts of what make a full walk with Christ. When leaders make their groups places that are inhospitable to intellectuals, they miss out on the benefits that these people can offer young believers in their groups. Both responses deny what God is trying to do through putting people with different gifts in unit of the body of believers.
Moreover than this issue, I believe that intellectuals who fail to live outwardly bent lives, seeking to embrace what they are not strong or proficient in (loving others, loving those difficult to love, dealing with the rest, helping others to grow, being patient and waiting, etc.) risk missing out on a major way God moves to heal and bring joy to all believers. Doing ministry seems to be the example set in the scriptures, not endless study and rejection/separation of those who don't seem to get it.
Finally, I think it is key to remember that Jesus says that we are to come to him with Child-like faith. Not for one second do I believe that this means we are to check our brains or intellectualism at the door. After hearing one of Chandler's teachings about this recently, a key point seems to be that we are desperately dependent upon Jesus to atone for our sins, for the Holy Spirit to meet us in our time of need. Children need provision and cry out to their parents, change me, feed me, etc. This seems like such a good metaphor for the Christian walk, which at times feels more like being dragged and at other times like we're sprinting. I don't know about you but I've generally found my intellectualism as a hindrance to my pursuit of a Child-like faith... and going back to the basics seems to be a regular need in my walk. Why? Read it once and we're supposed to get it right? Well, I think it's because I have so much of a problem getting the basics down, fully and completely believing the basics in my heart of hearts, etc. To get it with my mind is not enough, and at times it is not refreshing to my often tired and weary soul in desperate need of being fully healed and made new. There's a freedom in Christ to move as we feel led -- for those who are feeling lead to focus on the obscure, that's sweet and all but in this season, I'm focusing on the basics (Gospels, Paul's exhortations, etc.). All I can offer for intellectuals is this: don't allow your study and life to lead to an obscuring of the Gospels and the reasons why and for what God has called us here to do! I believe God has greatly intended an outward focused life to be one of the major ways he shows us the finer points of Faith and trusting in Him. It's not only where the rubber hits the road, it's where what God is teaching us can be applied and used to help grow His Kingdom!
So, my girlfriend is sweet. She threw me a surprise graduation party under the guise of a date and, well, I was fooled. I'm amazed my group could keep a secret like that and it was pretty sweet. She even invited some people from my major - people who don't go to our church. I was floored when they arrived, booze and all! More floored when a cop showed up because we were being "too loud" according to one of our neighbors. "Too loud" in this case included music being played off a laptop's speakers and some people having a conversation on the porch and others having talking and having a good time inside. No debauchery, no outbursts of laughter, no fun... except for me, I was having fun but it was in my soul, not audible as loudness. Anyway, good times. I just hope that we can have that date that I thought we were going to have. Facebook will be updated in a few hours.
Intellectualism
I'll try to be brief, not usually a skill of intellectuals but one I try to practice anyway -- we've all got a lot of stuff to do. Intellectuals need good books to read, people to talk to, and teachers who will help them learn more. I get it and I encourage those people (probably including myself) to pursue those things but I would exhort them to consider their place in the Church. I think intellectuals are needed to fulfill several functions in the local church: to care about and try to understand the finer points of the Bible and Faith and help make those accessible to the masses; to help ensure that we are reflecting, in Chandler's words, "The Manifold Wisdom of God" in the ways we conduct ourselves; and to help ensure we are worshiping and living in "Spirit and Truth."
These could be blended together in a soup, sliced and diced however you may but a central point remains. God has gifted intellectuals with a desire (hopefully) and a capacity to understand just a little bit more than the rest of us about the scriptures and the world around us. "Just a little bit more" is subjective and relative -- though our understanding is still no where near what God's understanding is, at times we are spectacularly flabbergasted by the insanity that some pastors and laypeople have exhibited in the Church. In times like this, it seems as if loving others and trying not to judge are tasks that I doubt that I could ever perform short of living an empowered life.
I feel your pain and all I can say is that there's no life in trying to withdraw yourself from others and their splendid mistakes. All of these instances are evidences for why the church needs you to at least pray, and at most lovingly point out the mistake WHEN GOD APPOINTS. This involves waiting, praying, listening, being humble, loving. If you want to grow as an intellectual, you'll do these things and not be so quick to rebuke and shut down others. You are a part of the body and when you leave, you take something with you. I shouldn't have to explain this but I will -- God established this time for us to be together and when you withdraw to other places, you're taking a gift set that he gave you to bless one group and leaving for another. What good is it for all of the eyes to be together and all of the feet and hands to be in a different group?
This all being said, I think it is key that intellectuals be received and encouraged within the local church. Intellectuals who have a desire for God and his Glory are helpful. Examples of how they can serve the Church include discipling and teaching others, preparing materials, bring complicated topics and concepts down to a lower shelf so to speak, etc. Most of these roles are outward focused and it's not by accident. Intellectuals, and every other "group," need to understand that the fulfillment of the Christian life is a life that pours the Gospel, Love, (Spiritual) Gifts, Truth, etc. out on others and not a life where one holds onto such things in a vain attempt to accumulate as much as one can hold on to (which is much less than we might think).
The Christian life is not inwardly bent but it is bent outward, Christ comes, restores our right standing with God and gives us the Spirit, gives us Gifts, starts to lead us down the path of Progressive Sanctification (increasing Holiness), starts to heal us and show us his love. Though these things are for us, they are also for others, specifically to build up and glorify the body (church), to share the good news with others, and disciple, baptise, and teach those who embrace Jesus. When intellectuals say that they don't want to be a part of a community that doesn't want them, they can miss out on these parts of what make a full walk with Christ. When leaders make their groups places that are inhospitable to intellectuals, they miss out on the benefits that these people can offer young believers in their groups. Both responses deny what God is trying to do through putting people with different gifts in unit of the body of believers.
Moreover than this issue, I believe that intellectuals who fail to live outwardly bent lives, seeking to embrace what they are not strong or proficient in (loving others, loving those difficult to love, dealing with the rest, helping others to grow, being patient and waiting, etc.) risk missing out on a major way God moves to heal and bring joy to all believers. Doing ministry seems to be the example set in the scriptures, not endless study and rejection/separation of those who don't seem to get it.
Finally, I think it is key to remember that Jesus says that we are to come to him with Child-like faith. Not for one second do I believe that this means we are to check our brains or intellectualism at the door. After hearing one of Chandler's teachings about this recently, a key point seems to be that we are desperately dependent upon Jesus to atone for our sins, for the Holy Spirit to meet us in our time of need. Children need provision and cry out to their parents, change me, feed me, etc. This seems like such a good metaphor for the Christian walk, which at times feels more like being dragged and at other times like we're sprinting. I don't know about you but I've generally found my intellectualism as a hindrance to my pursuit of a Child-like faith... and going back to the basics seems to be a regular need in my walk. Why? Read it once and we're supposed to get it right? Well, I think it's because I have so much of a problem getting the basics down, fully and completely believing the basics in my heart of hearts, etc. To get it with my mind is not enough, and at times it is not refreshing to my often tired and weary soul in desperate need of being fully healed and made new. There's a freedom in Christ to move as we feel led -- for those who are feeling lead to focus on the obscure, that's sweet and all but in this season, I'm focusing on the basics (Gospels, Paul's exhortations, etc.). All I can offer for intellectuals is this: don't allow your study and life to lead to an obscuring of the Gospels and the reasons why and for what God has called us here to do! I believe God has greatly intended an outward focused life to be one of the major ways he shows us the finer points of Faith and trusting in Him. It's not only where the rubber hits the road, it's where what God is teaching us can be applied and used to help grow His Kingdom!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Thursday Thoughts
Note: Writing on this blog isn't going to become a daily thing but I want to share and ask for prayer.
I am not concerned that I will somehow escape the will of God or his plan for my life. I don't desire to hyper-spiritualize things either. That being said, this is a weird season that I'm in these days — very few planning jobs (the profession I'm educated in), and few other jobs to speak of. If I am willing to move, my prospects of finding something increase but at an expense. Simply, my impression of what God wants to do in my life with my community and in this time is growing and to leave at the beginning or middle of it seems to be, well, counter productive. This all said, I need a job and I'm not going to screw up his plans.... I know and want to submit all of this to the Lord and I don't believe that will hyper-spiritualizing anything. Beyond direction, I want to be submitted to his leading and direction. This is something that's important to me, a way of obeying and worshiping. I pray these things to God and now I put them on my blog, please pray that this would be a summer of intense growth and connection with Jesus and the Holy Spirit, a summer of healing, a summer of following, a summer of finding work and keeping my affairs in order.
your friend,
Eric
I am not concerned that I will somehow escape the will of God or his plan for my life. I don't desire to hyper-spiritualize things either. That being said, this is a weird season that I'm in these days — very few planning jobs (the profession I'm educated in), and few other jobs to speak of. If I am willing to move, my prospects of finding something increase but at an expense. Simply, my impression of what God wants to do in my life with my community and in this time is growing and to leave at the beginning or middle of it seems to be, well, counter productive. This all said, I need a job and I'm not going to screw up his plans.... I know and want to submit all of this to the Lord and I don't believe that will hyper-spiritualizing anything. Beyond direction, I want to be submitted to his leading and direction. This is something that's important to me, a way of obeying and worshiping. I pray these things to God and now I put them on my blog, please pray that this would be a summer of intense growth and connection with Jesus and the Holy Spirit, a summer of healing, a summer of following, a summer of finding work and keeping my affairs in order.
your friend,
Eric
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Freedom? — Yes, Freedom in Christ
On Sunday, I put on my solar heat collector (black graduation robe) and marched into Ohio Stadium. Three hours later I had three photographs of me taken as I walked up to someone who wore a more fancy robe than I, shook their hand, and received my white envelope. In side, a piece of paper recognizing my two years of work and the result of $40,000 of student loans. Dazed and realizing this is probably the last time I'll get to walk on the field at Ohio Stadium, I took a few minutes to soak up the moment. Looking around, I saw parents and family members snapping shots of the graduates as well as fellow graduates getting into groups and taking photographs on the field. Many were excited and full of emotion. I stood there holding my crocks (shoes) in one hand and my diploma in the other. My bare feet trying to pinch the fake grass between my toes, striving for some sense of awareness. Minutes later, I walked through crowds of very diverse families — some waiting and others rejoicing and taking photographs with their new graduates. Regardless of ethnicity or race, Black families, Indian families, Asian families, and White families alike were celebrating the achievement of their newest graduate family member. I wonder why they are so excited. Was graduating from college such a challenge or even a question? I know that not all graduate and I know from friends that it can sometimes take a full decade to get through as an undergrad. Regardless, graduating the first time felt normal and now, graduating for the second time it felt surreal as I walked through the crowds toward my father who came to watch the ceremony.
A few days later, I sit unemployed and looking at job postings. Many are in far away places and I'm fine with moving but in many respects, I don't want to move on. In many respects moving on seems like something that would be paralyzing and come at the wrong time.... I finally have time for art, pursuing God and relationships, and most importantly, I finally have met someone I really like and I think that it's safe to say we're dating. Beyond the anxiety, this could be a really good season to stay in Columbus for... with the sole exception of the whole employment thing. The number of choices seem crippling and everything being up in the air (thinking about moving again) at the same time seems at times as if it is too much to bear. While in school, the directive was simple: pay money (loans), do the work well, pass classes, work internships, and graduate. Now, it is get a job (more outside of my control than I'm usually comfortable with) and live life. There's little structure and lots of ambiguity.
I don't like this place but I know that this is the place where faith grows. This is the place where I need to come to Jesus in prayer and ask, Lord — what should I do? In many respects, I don't expect a bright neon sign or an audible voice but the Lord has been clear with me about such things before and he can do so again. If anything is apparent over the past few years, pursuing what he wants for me is the best thing that I can do in my life. In many aspects I have dreams and aspirations and though I do believe God moves and works through those things as well, I believe he has plans and processes that he moves us through to mature us, to draw us closer to him, to help us increase in the measure of Christ-likeness. If this is a time that will lead to those things, all the more wonderful a season this will be. In past years I've felt like my life has been on hold and now I can be more purposeful about finding and walking out the things he'd have for me — hopefully here but if I need to move, hopefully wherever I go. All of this makes me nervous but I know Christ is with me and in him, I can survive and thrive in the season of unknown around the corner.... My desire is to grow in him and I pray that this happens in great abundance over the this season.
A few days later, I sit unemployed and looking at job postings. Many are in far away places and I'm fine with moving but in many respects, I don't want to move on. In many respects moving on seems like something that would be paralyzing and come at the wrong time.... I finally have time for art, pursuing God and relationships, and most importantly, I finally have met someone I really like and I think that it's safe to say we're dating. Beyond the anxiety, this could be a really good season to stay in Columbus for... with the sole exception of the whole employment thing. The number of choices seem crippling and everything being up in the air (thinking about moving again) at the same time seems at times as if it is too much to bear. While in school, the directive was simple: pay money (loans), do the work well, pass classes, work internships, and graduate. Now, it is get a job (more outside of my control than I'm usually comfortable with) and live life. There's little structure and lots of ambiguity.
I don't like this place but I know that this is the place where faith grows. This is the place where I need to come to Jesus in prayer and ask, Lord — what should I do? In many respects, I don't expect a bright neon sign or an audible voice but the Lord has been clear with me about such things before and he can do so again. If anything is apparent over the past few years, pursuing what he wants for me is the best thing that I can do in my life. In many aspects I have dreams and aspirations and though I do believe God moves and works through those things as well, I believe he has plans and processes that he moves us through to mature us, to draw us closer to him, to help us increase in the measure of Christ-likeness. If this is a time that will lead to those things, all the more wonderful a season this will be. In past years I've felt like my life has been on hold and now I can be more purposeful about finding and walking out the things he'd have for me — hopefully here but if I need to move, hopefully wherever I go. All of this makes me nervous but I know Christ is with me and in him, I can survive and thrive in the season of unknown around the corner.... My desire is to grow in him and I pray that this happens in great abundance over the this season.
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